Post # 1
My Fiance and I are adamant about no children at the reception, but specifically because of one of his cousins. I am not exaggerating when I say this, and I know most children aren’t “bad”…I hope I’m not knocked for this, but this cousin is 10 years old, and emotionally disturbed. She lives in an apt downstairs from FI’s family, and she is constantly torturing his dogs, she’s killed frogs that lived outside, she is just an evil little girl. The issue is that no one on his side of the family thinks she’s abnormal. I’m a special ed teacher, and have an expertise in behavior disorders, so I’m not just saying this without the knowledge.
Here’s the dilemma; he has other cousins, who are adorable, well behaved, and sweet. We want one of his cousins, who is 3 but will be 5 by our big day, to be the flower girl. How do we invite or ask her to be a flower girl, but then have no children at the reception? Can we just let her stay at the reception without inviting other kids? Potential flowergirl also has adorable brother, who could be the ring bearer and also would be at the wedding, as we can’t invite her and leave her brother home alone. I’ve already said to him, that if he thinks we have to invite the cousin with issues, because we are having the other awesome kids, then maybe we wouldn’t even have a flower girl or ring bearer. Any suggestions?
Post # 3
I think you can have just your flower girl and ring bearer at your reception. I did this (other than a few little infants, we had no other children at the wedding other than my 3 year old niece who was my “flower girl”- I actually made her my flower girl even though she was waaaay too young to walk down the aisle, but I needed to justify why she was allowed to be there and not all the other guest’s kids. They were coming from the East Coast to Seattle for the wedding, so there was no way in hell I was making my brother and SIL get a babysitter.)
I even think you could just have the one flower girl, and not even have her brother. I remember several weddings where I had to stay home but my brother got to go because he was the ring bearer. As long as the wedding is in the same town, I don’t see a reason why they couldn’t get a babysitter.
I think your FI’s family will understand that you are making an exception for someone who will be in your wedding party. Stand firm with your decision. It’s not as if you’re inviting all the other children, and just not this one little girl. I would keep it on the DL about your reasons for not inviting the troubled girl- just keep it to, “We are having an adults only wedding, with the exception being our flower girl and ring bearer.”
Post # 4
@Miss Root: This is what my Dad suggested too, and he’s very level-headed…Thank you 🙂 This is probably what will end up happening, I just don’t want to make waves, because the girl with emotional disturbances is also the cousin of the ring bearer & flower girl…but you’re right, if we say it’s just the Ring Bearer and Flower Girl who can come, that’s hard to argue.
Post # 5
@WhatMaeBee: This is exactly what I would do too. The bridal party should be at the reception but no other children need to be.
Post # 6
Honestly, I would forgo the kids altogether. You’re going to look like a jerk if you invite some kids at a certain level of family (ie, cousins) but not others. It’s not strict etiquette, but it is just practical, especially if no one’s aware their kids are crazy.
It’s going to be a lot easier for you to just write off kids entirely, across the board, rather than allow just 2.
Post # 7
Exceptions are fine for children in the Bridal Party. To make it less of an issue, I’d just make the brother the Ring Bearer so that there’s an excuse for them to be there. FWIW, we had an adults only wedding with the exception of the kids in our Bridal Party (my 3 cousins) and DH’s cousins from Out of Town (the only Out of Town kids). No other children were invited and not a single person had a problem with this.
Post # 8
I think you’ll be safe just inviting the children in the Bridal Party. The only way it gets tricky (in my opinion) is if the other cousin is the ONLY kid not invited. If there are a handful of others not coming I don’t think its an issue at all.