Post # 1
I want my stepmom and her sister to do a shared reading at my wedding, but my mom will lose her poo.
Background: My parents had an acrimonious divorce and even worse marriage. They finally broke up much to everyone’s relief 18 years ago, and my Dad dated my stepmom immediately afterwards. My mother still harbors bad feelings, and thinks my stepmom was the reason they broke up. She continues to badmouth him and her all these years later. By The Way my stepmom didn’t breakup the marriage, it was my mom’s mental illness that did it.
Needless to say throughought this entire engagement My mother is driving me nuts and also insisted – INSISTED – she walk me down the aisle with my Dad. She has gotten upset with almost every decsion I made in my non traditional wedding and her constant nagging and opinions have frankly, taken the joy out of getting married.
But i digress
So how can I also honor my stepmom and make her feel included without making my mother sob openly at my wedding and causing a scene? Being that I’m marrying a man with kids, I really know what it’s like to be a stepmom.
Post # 3
Oy. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
My first instinct is that you shouldn’t let your anticipation of your mom’s reaction hold you hostage. If you want to honor your stepmom by having her do a reading, you should get to do that.
You can only control your own actions, not your mom’s. If she’s as unstable as it sounds, there’s NOTHING you can do to celebrate your stepmom that wouldn’t send your mom off the handle. So you might as well do what you want.
Post # 4
Ugh, I hate these ridiculous family politics.
Sometimes people surprise you. FI’s mom and aunts can’t stand to be in the same room as one another, and we were really nervous as to how that would go down. However both have come to us separately and vowed not to let it be an issue because this day is about us, and not their issues. It is possible your mom may let it go for just one day.
However, if she gives you a hard time…well it sounds like she had been all along anyway, so just let her say her piece and then say to her “You will always be my mom, but she is still abig part of my life, and it’s important to me to have her be a part of this day. I hope you can understand that and put your differences aside for this one day for mine and FI’s sake”
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Since your Mom is walking you down the aisle, you can have your step-mom escorted as part of the processional. Also make sure she gets a corsage.
Post # 6
Have your step-mom do the reading but don’t have your sister join her. If your mom is still that bitter and angry, you do not want her to feel like your sister is taking sides.
Post # 7
Have your stepmom do a reading, have her escorted to her seat with a corsage and honor her in any other way that you would feel is appropriate. Your mother is nuts and is going to do what she is going to do. Caving in to her crazy behavior is just encouraging it–like a toddler, if you don’t give her the attention that she is aiming for, the behavior will eventually stop. This woman has been a big part of your life for 18 years, it’s time to get over it.
Post # 8
if your mom is walking you down the aisle then your stepmom can do the reading – time to let her know her poop wont fly anymore and she has to learn to suck it up or lose you in the process. goodluck and be strong – making her happy will only make yourself unhappy so dont fall into the trap