(Closed) Want to keep the peace, but it’s my wedding! What do I do?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Inviting your brother is enough, you have no obligation to make his step child a flower girl.  You don’t even know the girl.  I would use that as my primary reason.  Say that both you and your fiance insist that everyone in the bridal party is someone you have close relations with.


By the way, 3 years is very young and could be quite unpredictable.  How would she feel being the flower girl to a couple she’s never met before among people she hardly knows?

Post # 4
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MadameTussaud: Weddings can bring out the awkward/crazy in all folks, including our parents. I think next time she brings it up, just firmly say “thanks for the suggestion, Mom, but after talking it over with Fiance and considering the status of our relationship with Brother and the fact that we don’t really know Niece, we will only be having Princess Fairy Flower Girl in our wedding. Thank you for understanding.” 

Post # 5
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Just tell her no. Stop giving wishy-washy answers and changing the subject, next time she mentions it, tell her this girl will not be in the wedding and that you don’t want to discuss it further. Repeat everytime she brings it up. 

Post # 7
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

did he invite you to his wedding?

Post # 8
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with your Fiance, it would be really weird to have someone in your wedding party that you have never met.  Just keep reminding your mom you would not be comfortable with this and that you really don’t know her at all.

Post # 11
46219 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@indibee:  Ditto! Just use direct communication.

Post # 12
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MadameTussaud: You do not have to tolerate her behavior whatsoever. Just tell her “no” in your own way. SIght the reasons given by pp. If she starts going in, tell her it is not up for discussion anymore. Hang the phone up or walk away.

I had abrasive pushy people. I enjoy stealing their thunder LOL. I had pushy relatives try to take over our wedding and I put my foot down so hard that they eventually left me alone.

Post # 13
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Tell her no and that it’s not up for discussion. That has been my and my fiance’s standard response when his parents give us a hard time about not having kids at the wedding.

Post # 14
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Simple enough, tell her that you’ve chosen your Flower Girl and you are not interested in having two.  Especially not one that you hardly know and isn’t even related to you.  I could see if you were close to your brother, including his stepdaughter.  But you guys don’t even speak.  Having his stepdaughter in the wedding is 100% unnecessary.

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