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Hi Bee's this is my first post!
I have a long, nice bridesmaid dress that I paid over $200 for and want to wear it before the wedding.
I am going on a 13 day Med. Cruise (thanks to my parents) this summer. It is on a nicer cruise line with 3 formal nights. I am wearing long dresses on the 3 formal nights and the men in my family will be wearing a tux. I can't afford to buy 3 formal dresses. My mom has to help me pay for the dress :/
I have decided I am going to wear it because this is the perfect opportunity to wear a $200+ dress again that I like... even thought it is ONE week before the wedding. I will NOT post pics until AFTER the wedding. I do not drink and will not be dancing in the discos or anything, just dinner and a show.
So should I tell her first? Not tell her? Ask her? What do I do? Help!
Please answer my poll, you can pick mulitple choices :)
I don't think that you should wear it at all before the wedding. I think that you are taking a terrible risk on ruinning it before the wedding and just not worth it IMO.
As a bride, I will say that if either of my BM's wanted to wear their dress before the wedding, I wouldn't be too worried as long as they PROMISED on their LIFE that they wouldn't destroy it. If you aren't doing anything except dinner and a show, I don't see a problem-- just stay away from the red wine ;)
That being said, if you do happen to destroy the dress (that red wine gets down the front of the dress and it's a nice light colour) you will be done for. There will be no way to replace it before the wedding, nor will you be able to remove bad stains.
While it is your money, you got it for her wedding. I don't think its quite worth the risk. Besides, it sounds like the dress is quite wearable, so why not put it to use for an event after the wedding.
What color is the dress? If it is black or another dark color, I think you'll be okay. If it is a lighter color, or even a midrange color, I wouldn't risk it. You may be as careful as can be but someone else could bump into you, spill something on you, get make-up on you, etc.
I don't think I would tell the bride. She surely already has a lot to on her mind. I wouldn't add to her stress by giving her one more thing to worry about.
Thank you everyone for the fast replys!
The dress is gray, called shadow. I do not drink, and no one in my family will be either so I do not need to worry about red wine :)
And of course I will do everything in my power not to ruin it! I will be wearing it in my cabin, take pictures, go to show, eat dinner, take off and go to bed. No dancing/risk of bumping into people.
This is going to be a trip of a liftime for my family and we all want to be dressed to the nines.
I wouldn't just because of the risk. It would be just your luck to wear it and as cautious as you would be something is bound to go wrong.
Besides, she has you standing up in her wedding. She obviously trusts you so go ahead and explain to her that you plan on wearing it.
I'd say take it on the cruise and wear it, but maybe think through a back-up plan in case something happens to it. If you think your friend would be reasonable about it, maybe talk through the options with her - though I don't think you need her permission to wear a dress you bought, even if it was for her wedding. It seems silly to me to spend money you don't really have on an extra dress when you just shelled out $200+ for a perfectly good one.
Could you borrow some formal gowns from friends? That way you wouldn't have to wear the gray gown. No one would know they were borrowed.
Its your dress. Feel free to wear it. I would mention it to the bride and tell her you will use the utmost care to make sure it is clean and presentable for the wedding. That being said, I assume both you and the bride are adults, so she should be happy that you are getting so much use out of the dress. Very few bridesmaids actually ever wear their dresses again, especially if it is long. And for those worried about stains, I spilled chocolate cake all over my prom dress (I'm so coordinated lol) and it was professionally cleaned and came out fine.
http://www.dress-pictures.com/d/5345-2/Adrianna+Papell+Beaded+Chiffon+Gown+in+Aubergine.jpg
My dress was kelly green chiffon over champagne silk/satin
I put ask her first, because if you are close enough to be her BM I'm sure she'll say be understanding enough to say "yes." :) And if you don't ask her, at least tell her- she'll end up seeing your photos and knowing eventually.
I think this is asking for trouble! Sods law dictates that a)someone will spill something unremovable on it b)it'll get torn/ripped/damaged c)it'll suffer some misc. other disaster. It's really not worth the risk.
Well you paid for it, so it's YOUR dress, and I think that you should be able to wear it before the wedding, so long as you told her first, and also told her specifically it will be AS GOOD AS NEW when you wear it on her big day (so obviously get it cleaned if you throw your food down it -- like I would!! haha!)
Ok thank you everyone! I will tell her first and promise her I will treat it as though it were made of pure gold!
I don't want to borrow a dress from someone else because I really like this dress and it will match with my family for family pictures. I understand the concerns and accidents "do" happen... but I am willing to take the risk. I will make sure to tell her first and as I stated, be super careful with it.
I can't believe how helpful these boards are! I have loads of questions to ask!
My one concern wouldn't be with what YOU will do in the dress, but the other crazy things that can happen to dresses in an uncontrolled environment. Someone else could slip and spill something on it, someone could step on it, it could rain (though I don't imagine the last one is a huge concern on a ship.) If you do wear it, just wear it for the events and take it off ASAP. I'd be too paranoid to personally.
If the men in the wedding are wearing rented tuxes or suits, or tuxes or suits they already own, which have been worn countless times before, I don't really see the issue with wearing bridesmaids' dresses before the wedding.
I don't think that's something I would do, but it's your money, and your dress. I would just be too worried, no matter how careful I was, because crap like that just always seems to happen to me.
As I was walking to my ceremony, my bridesmaid stepped on the right hand side of my wedding dress and ripped a big hole through the side. Of course we were being careful, but things do happen.
I'd be worried about slopping salad dressing on myself, or rubbing up against something and snaging it badly or even having the airline lose it. They'd give you money to replace it, but the actual practice of getting a replacement in time for the wedding would be tight...
I would wear it! How common is it really to ruin a dress? Any stain will most likely come out anyway.
While wearing a long dress, I kicked over a full cup of red punch (don't even get me started on why the cup was on the floor!). It came out no problem, and I was able to wear the dress again!
I think what you're worried about is the social stigma? I would LOVE IT if my bridesmaid found another use for her dress. I am also very concious of asking my friends to spend money on me, so I might have a different opinion than your bride.
As a bride, I would be extremely worried. I understand the cost of a dress and would love my girls to wear them again.....after the wedding. It is a dress purchased for a reason, at that reason should take precedent. My concern is like what others said, not necessarily what you'll do but what others may do to the dress and what do you do if something does happen to it? It's too short of time to get a replacement so you'd be out of the wedding I'd assume, which would be a lot of wasted money on mine and your side. I just wouldn't think it's worth the risk.
I would ask the bride first, as a courtesy to her. But if any of my girls wanted to wear their bridesmaid dress for another occasion I would be really flattered and happy to know that I made such a great choice in dresses for them that they actually wanted to wear them to another event. One of my bridesmaids wore her dress to her work Christmas party (after the wedding) and I was so pleased that she obviously really did like the dress and got her money's worth!
@DreamingGator: Normally I would be appaulled at the idea of someone wearing the BM dress before the wedding, in case anythng should happen to it, but I see you paid for it yourself in which case I think it's totally up to you. I agree about waiting to post the pics. As for telling the bride, I'd play it by ear - if she's highly strung I'd maybe give telling her a miss
Don't do it. You can wear short cocktail dresses for formal nights on cruises- totally acceptible!! Just go out and buy something else, you can find really nice ones for $50 on sale all over the place (don't hesistate to look at dressbarn if there is one in your area)
The dress needs to be in pristine condition for your friend's wedding day. After the cruise you'd have to pay for it to be dry cleaned and/or pressed and i've heard so many horror stories of that being what messed the dress up.
I mean I would probably NOT wear it, just becaue I would be way paranoid that something would happen to it and not be able to enjoy myself.
I do think that, since you paid for it yourself, you do have a right to wear it. However, I would not tell the bride, especially if you intend to wear it whether she likes the idea or not. It's just more stress that she doesn't need, especially since you're going to be off on a ship wearing it regardless. What she doesn't know won't cause her to rip her hair out ;)
Now, if you are going to ASK her and not TELL her you're wearing it, then I think you should ask and go with what she wants.
Eh, you bought it so wear it! Being a bm doesn't mean the bride can dictate your fashion on the other 364 days of the year. If something happens, you can get it dry cleaned.
Here's my two cents (and I know not everyone will agree with me)-- I have been at close to 15 black tie optional events in the past 5 years. I drink, everyone around me drank (a lot), we all danced the night away. We were not careful with our dresses. I have never, ever stained a dress and I have never seen a dress get ruined with anything other than sweat. I have also known more than one bridesmaid to spill mimosas on their dress before the wedding. I would wear it and not tell the bride-- why stress her out? If something spills, work on the spill right away (most older women know how to get stains out of anything). If a stain sets, go to a reputable dry cleaner and ask what they can do. They can work wonders and will work something out fast.
I think it's risky....but if you decide to wear it, I wouldn't tell her until after it turns out ok so she doesn't worry.
Don't do it. You bought it to wear to her wedding- it's not her fault that you're short on formal dresses. I recommend going to TJ Maxx/Marshalls/Ross and getting a different dress for $20. Or re-wear a dress on the cruise. You never know what could happen. You will be getting ready in a small space- you could accidentally drop your mascara wand, have a family member drop food on/around you, drunk partiers on the cruise.
Your bridesmaid obligation is to stand at the front wearing the dress. If you care about the bride, you would find a way to get another dress. It's not worth the risk.
Personally I wouldn't wear it, it just doesn't seem right. But if I did, I would definitly consult with the bride first.
@DreamingGator: Did you talk to the bride? If so - what did she say?
A 200 dollar dress that I bought that I can actually wear for another occasion? I'd definitely do it.
I would do it. I have never, ever ruined a dress so much that it was unwearable. Yes I've pulled the fibers and got little snags on it but nothing that would show up in photos.
Like the pp I've never ruined a dress. So unless you are completely accident prone, I say do it. If I was the bride I would feel better if I knew she was able to get more use out of an expensive dress I had her buy.
I think its your money and you can do whatever you want with it. That being said, it's not a risk I would take. If one of my BMs wore their dress a week before the wedding and accidentally ruined it (red wine from another passenger spilling, etc.) I would be so upset because it likely couldn't be replaced in time. If you think you can wear it on the cruise than I'm sure you will have ample opportunity to wear it after the wedding was well, when all risk of ruining it will be out the window.
While I get what everyone is saying that is your money and your dress it is for her wedding. So I guess the question would be...if you were getting married and a BM wanted to wear her dress to a social occassion very shortly before your wedding would you be comfortable with that? Keep in mind that while that BM will be very careful she cannot control the world and any negative events that might occur and there will be no time to replace or fix the dress should something drastic happen.
I also do not drink at events typically and had both red wine and champagne spilled on my dress and shoes last March thus ruining a beautiful black silk dress that I had. There was nothing I could do to avoid it, it just happened.
Out of respect to the bride I personally wouldn't. I get that it is an opportunity to wear a pricey dress but I just wouldn't want the negative aftermath should something happen.
I'd be very unhappy if a BM wore her dress before my wedding day. I'd want all dresses to be brand new and worn for the first time. Wouldn't want BMs in previously worn dresses :(
As a bride-to-be, I'd be a little concerned that someone wanted to do this. You're going to be flying twice with the dress, so you're also adding the possibility of the airline losing luggage and your dress-I've had suitcases "explode" before, and it's not fun. (Plus I've had dry-cleaning disasters with formal wear, too.)
The concern wouldn't be what you would do, it's what other people might do- I was on a cruise in November and remember seeing spilled drinks (one time while we were waiting for formal night dinner- someone had a seizure) I wore the same dress for 2 of our formal nights, so you don't have to bring 3 separate dresses on the cruise.
Your friend may not care, so run it by her.
I wouldn't risk it. Only because you might lose it, wreck it, you never know! I once took my favourite sweatshirt on a cruise and never saw it again. I have no idea where it went, it's just gone! While this is unlikely to happen, your baggage might get lost, or someone might take the wrong bag...
Speaking as a bride, there's just too many risks involved!
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