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I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Unfortunately, I can't relate, but maybe you can talk with your husband about being able to spend a little more time with your girlfriends. I wouldn't approach it as you wanting to have more of a single life, but let him know that time with your girlfriends to let loose is important to you.
2PeasinaPod Thanks for the response. The problem here is that, I don't have ANY girlfriends in this town. I left all of them behind in my hometown which is about an hour away from where I live now.
its actually to feel that way. you start missing your friends and just want to have a ladies night. Maybe yall should talk about having one weekend where like on saturday night yall both go out him with his friends and you with your friends. We do that now but FI never wants to do anything lol so he lets me go hang out with my girls. Of course when i am away from him i found myself texting and calling him that i miss him lol
Can you join some sort of group to meet new people? A fitness class, sewing, baking, etc...?
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I think you should go out, enjoy time with friends, have a drink. Do whatever. I have always been a big advocate for 'me time', you need it to sustain a healthy/happy relationship. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to socialize outside of your marriage. Its normal, as long as you're not pushing boundaries. I love going out to dinner or for drinks with friends, and I come home missing my hubby so its great for us. He does the same thing. So, its unfortunate you didn't have these experiences before you were married, but that doesn't mean you can't have them now!
Sunshine23 I'm sure there are some of these groups around here, but I don't know where to look for them.
jennifer_espos I hear what you are saying! I had tons of friends and people I met in college, but then I moved away after graduation and now I don't know where to meet new people or join a new group.
Girlfriends are important. You should plan a sleepover to visit them so you can go out or meet half way once every week or two for a bit of hanging out after work.
You're still young and I think it's great to be young and married but at the same time it probably works when you still allow yourself time to grow, which probably can't all be done while holding your husbands hand. Instead it's your guys job to encourage and support each others growth.
I guess if it's the companionship of female friends and being able to talk about life and get some stress out I completely understand, but if it's to go out with them to get male attention.....than my advice probably doesn't apply.
troubled No, I don't want or need the male attention. I've got all I need or could want with my husband! I just want girlfriends to fill the hole that was created after I moved away and lost them all.
I know how you feel. I moved to a different state two years ago, and I don't have any girl friends here. I thought I would connect with FI's mother and sister, but I don't think that will ever happen.
I try to maintain phone contact, and try to make little trips to hang out with friends once in a while.
Do you work? Maybe you could meet friends there?
@go4me77: that is tough! Have you considered planning a girls weekend? Or if your friends are an hour away, maybe try and get to your hometown one weekend day a month to see them. In the meantime, def. try to find a way to make new friends - take some classes in something you are interested in (cooking, dancing) join a running club, whatever!
Having my girl time has always been important to me - I have made sure to maintain that in my marriage the same way my husband makes time for his interests and hobbies. We got married later (early 30s) - so I had my 20s to really be all about me - but having time for you is important no matter when you get married!
Most of my close friends are still in my hometown which is also an hour away from me. Go see them! Or have them come see you - that's what we do! I have a few friends where I am now, but not really close ones, because all my close ones are only an hour away, I never really felt motivated to need to make new ones I guess.
Angela83 I don't work. I had 2 jobs in my hometown, but I quit both of those to move to where I am now. I really wish I was working, b/c I did have some co workers that I did connect with and we used to go to lunch sometimes. I miss my girl time with them!
Janna19 I've done some searching on the Internet for groups or clubs in my area, but nothing has caught my eye. My husbands cousin is about to get married and his soon to be wife is trying to get me to help her plan her wedding. I know that's one way to get close to her, as she doesn't have girlfriends either, but she's strange. (I've posted an article on here about her). My mother-in-law and sister-in-law are close to me, but I don't connect with them like I do my old friends.
Might I add this to my post: My husband has a few friends from high school and we live across the street from one of them, the other one lives only a mile or so down our road. He works with the one who lives a mile down the road! He doesn't go out and have guy time, but he was wild when he was younger. I wonder if I got into girl time, he might follow suite and start his guy time.
I didn't read all of the responses but... why can't you just go out to a bar with your friends occasionally? IMO married does not = joined at the hip. I believe in maintaining outside friendships because I think it makes me a happier more well-rounded person and thus better for my FI. I'm not saying every night or even every week. But maybe once or twice per month girl's night? And he can have a guys' night? My FI and his friends are considering starting up once monthly guys' poker and cigar nights and i think it is great!
Just tell the hubs that you'd like to have certain days where you go out with friends. My husband and I have been together for over five years (married less than one), and we just now are starting to realize that we also need some time apart because we never have it. It's definitely healthy. I take the day by myself, and go get manis/pedis, eat lunch by myself, go shopping, etc. We also time it so the hubs is home all day playing video games and stuff, and then he leaves right before I get home to go to the bar with some friends, and then I either stay home alone and have more "me" time, or I invite some girlfriends over for cheesy movie night. The hubs will come home around midnight, and we will have missed each other like crazy. It works out really well. We try to do this once a month, but it doesn't always happen because of schedules clashing. BUT, it's nice when it does happen, and also nice when it doesn't :)
Just talk to the husband and say that you'd just like to set aside some girl time, and that he should set aside some guy time. Doesn't mean he has to go out and party if that's not his thing. It just means time apart to miss each other that much more when you're back together :)
I kinda know how you feel. I am an ex-pat and we've been abroad for 3 years; most of my friends have moved on. I used to be a party girl and sometimes I want to go out and drink and dance, but my husband doesn't like to do that AND we are on a budget right now. So our Saturday nights consist of sitting around on our laptops (with the World Cup it's a little more exciting!). If I didn't have the gym to go to, I think I would go crazy! Working out really helps me get my mind off things, and just getting out and having something to do makes me feel busy. But I still get a hankering for a drink on the weekend.. wanna come to Tokyo and drink with me? 
Ok, I don't want to make assumptions, but I think you might have too much free time on your hands since you are used to working.... Whenever I have too much time, I sometimes get to thinking/analyzing too much, and sometimes that gets me depressed/unhappy.
I think the solution is to get a job or volunteer somewhere (at least part time). It will get you out of the house, and you could meet some new girlfriends.
xoxokristin LOL! I'd love to! If only I had the funds to do so. I completely understand abuot being on a budget! I'd love to travel some. I was born overseas and I would love to go back and see some of the things I don't remember. Wanna come to the US and have a drink with me?
Most of my best friends live a little over an hour away, but i ALWAYS make time to hang out with them. My FI has the same situation his friends are the same distance in the opposite direction. It is normal to want this, i actually think it's a necessity to happiness. Make it a priority to spend maybe a night every month or two.. even if that means driving an hour to do it! Anytime i do it, i feel grounded and re-energized. : ) Just because i'm spending time with my girls and they can relate to my thoughts, opinions, etc.
Angela83 I used to volunteer at my local hospital in my hometown 2 Saturday mornings a month. I met some ladies (older, but nonetheless) and they still invite me to Annual Dinner every year, but I haven't been for about a year. I just got the invite last week and can't go again this year.
@go4me77: why don't you look for a part time job or a volunteer job? since you're new in town, you can start making connections this way.
@go4me77: i understand that, why don't you look into a volunteer position or a job in your new area?
ok, you have "grass is always greener" syndrome! WE all get it sometime in one form or another. You are thinkinga bout the fun side of being single and alone as apposed to the reality of it (which can be fun sometimes, and downright lonely sometimes).
I do not see a problem with you going out with friends and having fun without hubby. It makes you "you" instead of just a "we". He may very well feel the same way. Just don't do anything you would not want him to do! Join some groups or do some volunteer work, or find a hobby and have a great time...and share your stories with your hubby!
I agree with alot of what Corgi said. For me your title to this post is inaccurate. Having friends and going out is not just about the single life. Getting married does not mean you lose your idenity. I have my own friends, my own hobbies and goals outside of him. I understand you moved away, but for me I never understood the issue with distance. People always say oh man its 30 mins away or an hr away. I live in the country and it takes me 30 minutes to get into town. So? I still get out. You and your friends can meet in the middle. One thing I love about my husband is that no matter what we still have our own lives. He has his guys night, which every guy should be entitled to as well as I have my girls nights. Are they ever week? I wish, they use to be but everyone is busy and it does not always happen. I am not being harsh, but stop saying I use to volunteer or I use to work or I don't know. Get out there and look. Get a part time job, go volunteer or schedule something with your friends. Even if you do have a girls night frequently and your husband wants to have a guy night, there should be no worry. I understand your fear bc he was wild in his day, um so was my hubby, hell so was I, but your married to him now and you need to trust him. Plus, my guys night out with the boys is hanging around a bonfire or in a garage drinking beer. Your guy is entitled to this as well. I feel not having your own identity is not good for any marriage. Have you talked about this with your hubs? What does he think or say?
It seems to me you know what you can do. You know you were happier with a job. You know you were happier with friends around, you know you enjoyed volunteering in a hospital. It sounds like you need to work on establishing your life in your NEW town. Instead of dwelling on what you lost or no longer have, work to get it again. See if your church (judging by you having a pastor in your image) has a young adult group, women's bible study, or charity work you can be involved in. Search for a job. Get out and do stuff during the day while your husbands at work. Think of a hobby you always wanted to do and start doing it.
How you feel makes total sense. You're young, you just had a huge life changing experience, you had to move away... call some girlfriends, ask them to meet you somewhere half way (30 min. each is so easy to do!), and start working on establishing yourself in your new town. You don't have to loose your old friends, they're really not that far!
KLP2010 Well the pastor in the picture was my previous pastor at my old church. She moved to a different parish and I wanted only her to marry us. (I don't know the new guy too well) My husbands family goes to church just up the road from our home (we could walk if we wanted!) but he and I spend most of our Sunday's at home, with each other, since the week is so crazy. I was raised Methodist, my husband was raised Baptist and that is what the church is down the road. I went once, but didn't like it. There is a Methodist chruch in town, that I've considered going to. I know one us is going to have to "convert" so to speak since I don't want to go to church alone.
MissGreen I did some searching for groups in my area yesterday using Google. I found one group that sounded good. It was a couples group. My husband saw "Meet up" on the Internet browsing history and freaked.....(Gotta remember to clean that out!) I explained it was something I was looking into. I told him that we didn't HAVE to join this couple group (he can be shy in a crowd), but that I was looking for something to occupy my time. I saw boat loads of Mom groups, but I'm not a mom, nor will I ever be. I've got a scrapbook that I started, but I wasn't too sure HOW to scrapbook. That is about the only "hobby" I've picked up since we got married.
Hi there! Why do you just wish you were working instead of working? You're 22, right? and you say you're not going to have children until this husband is "gone" perhaps (last thread, sorry)! and that your hubby had to add an extra hour of work to each day to get your bank account on track, and you sound bored and lonely -- so try a job! Don't mean to sound harsh here, but I suspect it's what most of us do; women's hands are almost always full. Go for it girl.
JoeBeth12 Jobs in this town are sparce and hard to come by. I'm busting my butt looking, but nobody is hiring, much less someone with my experience and degrees.
got it! didn't mean to come off too harsh.. hadn't realized you were out there really pouding the pavement like that. g'luck with the job search.
I have the same feelings sometimes. My FI is in the army and wants to spend all my time with him when he is not deployed or in the field. Which I understand. However, I like going out with my girls sometimes and have a few drinks. He doesn't like it. My solution, if you don't like it then you had better start because I don't see anything wrong with going out with the girls once a month or so for drinks. I am not a party animal but he really likes to chill at home. We have came to an agreement but i can tell he still doesn't like it.
With all your (albeit unwanted) free time on your hands, why not simply pursue your interests? You'll probably meet new friends, or connect with old ones, & get in your "girl time." For instance, if you like your new "hobby" scrapbooking, how about checking out the local scrapbooking store & attending one of their events/classes? Or if there isn't one in your town, pick up a scrapbooking magazine & find the closest store or convention to attend. If you like volunteering at the hospital, check out the local one near you; or make the effort to visit the ladies that you know (& invited you to the event you can't make). If you want to get more involved in your faith (in part to convince your hubby to convert to Methodist, since you don't like the local Baptist church), why not check out the ministries (at least that's what they're called in a Catholic church...what are they called in Methodist faith), like outreach groups or a 20s & 30s group? You may meet like-minded people that way. If you have other interests that you didn't mention (like reading or cooking or sewing) check out any local book clubs, or cooking contests, or quilt circles. Basically, if you pursue your interests, you'll find new girlfriends to hang out with in your area. Good Luck & keep us posted!
*hugs* I was just wondering.. is an hr away a long time to travel??? to go see people? I dont really understand the logistics problem. i know I have friends when I lived in the city who lived across the city (1hrs drive) and i used to catch up with them every fortnight. alot of people seem restricted that if its more than half hr its too far?
But I think your doing the right thing, interest groups are always cool or developing something. Or you could start one yourself? Ask a lady at the grocery store if there is any womens groups in town? sounds like there could be one thats cool. I know u dont necessarily have to join the group and go all the time, but you could meet one or two ladies you get along with in a short period of time, enough to ask them for coffee.
Good luck!
Why does you husband need to convert and go to church with you for YOU to go? IMO that sounds weird...especially since your having a hard time filling the other gaps (employment for example). Don't take this the wrong way, but it sort of seems like you are erecting these false barriers for yourself.
Just read this: I'm just unhappy that I didn't have the single life like others have had.
I just suggest meeting new friends although that will never make up for the single life you missed out on, because you ARE married. There's no way to recreate that. Outside of making friends, I don't know what else you could do.
Hugs to you. It sounds like you are having a hard time adjusting to your new life. A job would help things a lot, and since you are looking, hopefully you will find something soon. If you've been looking for a job for a while, consider broadening your search criteria just to get your foot in the door somewhere.
Find ways to fill your time - volunteering, joining a church, working out, joining a volunteer group, etc. Ask the people you know in your town if they know of ways you can get involved in the community and meet other people. Do you have a pet? Dogs are great companions! That might perk you up (although pets are a big responsibility for years and years, so make sure you are ready).
Also an hour isn't that far at all. Make plans with your friends.
I don't understand the wanting to be free thing but I do understand wanting to have other interactions other than with your husband. Can you set a date with some girlfriends once a week so you have something to look forward to?
ms.pascua Thank you for your post! I enjoyed reading it! You are right! I gotta get off my butt and get out there! I know of one store that sells scrapbooking stuff and has classes too. I'd like to check it out.
Again, thank you for your post!
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Lately, I've been feeling like I want to go out with friends, stay out all night and not have to worry with anyone else in my life.
My husband and I have started going out, where as, we've not done that in awhile. For 4 weeks now, I've had something to do outside of the house on the weekend. Finally, this past weekend we had a Saturday to ourselves, we didn't do much, just went out to dinner. My husband has recently started working an extra hour in the workday so we can get our bank account back on track. Everyday that he's at work, I get this feeling that I just want to go out of the house and be free. Not saying I want to cheat on my husband (something I would never ever do) but just go out to a bar with some friends and enjoy myself. I've not told my husband that I've been feeling unhappy. I'm not unhappy in this marriage, I'm just unhappy that I didn't have the single life like others have had.
I lived at home until 6 months after he and I started dating. Then we got engaged and 2 months later we were married. Sometimes I feel like I missed out on being single before I got married. Anyone else feel that way?