Post # 16
I think some gender disappointment is normal, but this doesn’t sound like that. She seems like a horrible person reacting like that. I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut about it. I wouldn’t be able to be around someone saying those things about their innocent unborn child. I hope she gets her shit together and gives that sweet baby boy the mother he deserves.
ETA: I’ve been through 2 pregnancies, and I disagree with blaming her awful behavior on being pregnant. She should be ashamed of herself egging her daughter on, and telling everyone she knows how pissed she is to be having a boy.
Post # 18
Also, op is posting because this is obviously out of character for her FSIL so I don’t think it’s about her being an awful human being who will be rotten to her new baby.
While her reaction is definitely extreme, she only found out yesterday, and it sounds like it goes deeper than disappointment.
I think she needs just a little bit of understanding to get to the root of the issue.
As pp said, pregnancy and parenthood are hard enough without being flamed for being a horrible person.
I absolutely get it, her attitude is maddening, but it sounds like it’s completely out of character.
Post # 19
I would have a really hard time being nice to someone that is upset over the sex of their child. Grow the eff up. Some people can’t even have A BABY and she’s complaining that it’s not the sex she wanted? Bitch, bye.
Post # 20
I feel really bad for her daughter–who is now living in fear that her life is ruined because of all the bullshit her mother has fed her. I’m sure (hope?) mom and dad will get over it and realize they love this little boy to bits.. but adjusting to a sibling is never easy and a sibling you’ve been taught to hate before they even arrived. Jesus. Hopefully she’ll forget all this insanity once she meets her brother.. but she’s just 4, so who knows which way she’ll go.
Post # 21
What a peach. I’d be avoiding her for a while.
I do have a friend who had three girls and never, ever wanted a boy. She was nervous when a penis showed up on the ultrasound for her fourth and it took her a little while to get used to the idea but she loves that child just as much (if not more) than the others. Here’s hoping your SIL gets a grip and appreciates this gift.
Post # 22
the wife of a really good friend of my husband’s said she wanted an abortion when she found out she was having a second boy. she really wanted a girl.
when i heard this, i was going through IVF at the time and couldn’t be around them. all i wanted was a baby, and i couldn’t believe she could say something so harsh.
she did get over it and loves her 2 boys more than anything in the world.
ETA: i now have a son, who i think is the best baby in the world. and told my husband i wanted another boy. we are now pregnant with #2 (again thank you to infertility treatment). i will be happy with a baby of any sex. i just want it arrive and grow up happy and healthy.
Post # 23
underblueskies1016 : I think people are being super harsh. She does NOT sound like a “genuinely awful person” geez. She sounds like someone who is hormonal, and has been disappointed, and is now facing something totally new, AGAIN. Having a baby is daunting. But it sounds like they feel as though they figured it out with their girl, and so probably thought they kinda had it in the bag. But now having a boy is once again a whole new unknown world. That can be scary, and can take time to process. Cut her some slack.
FI’s sister always wanted two, one of each. After having a boy though, she now wants another boy because she “already knows how to have a boy”. It’s a thing.
Post # 24
Uggh…and to think some people cant even have a kid. Originally, I wanted two boys. I had a boy at first and when I saw my next kid was a girl, I got through my temporary oh shit phase pretty fast (lke 10 seconds). But she’s weird. She can have two kids and they can be the complete opposite (and they usually are). Gender does not dictate how well behaved a kid is.
Post # 25
I have always had a strong preference for girls- and I got 3 of them. But if one had been a boy I may have been a little disappointed but would love him to pieces. A family member of mine switched OB practices because she was convinced she was having a boy. When the ultrasound tech and dr told her it was a girl and wouldn’t send her for further ultrasounds to determine sex (which was already determined), she got mad. It was super weird, and of course the baby was a girl. She finally got a boy for her 3rd kid.
Post # 26
First off, I’m on the fence (leaning no) on kids at the moment so I don’t really know how I ended up in this thread (lol), but if I do have kids, I’d really, STRONGLY prefer girls. I don’t know how to hang out with a boy or be a “boy mom” as your SIL has complained about. But that being said, if I do get pregnant and find out I’m having a boy…I will get over it. And I DEFINITELY hope I’ll have the tact to be cognizant of what I say around those who are having trouble conceiving.
She’s entitled to feel however she wants to feel, but making others uncomfortable is a bit much. I can only assume she’ll come around, and until she does, I’d lay low.
Post # 27
underblueskies1016 : That’s disturbing in some ways. She may need some help. When we found out the gender of the first, I was disappointed for an hour maybe, but after it, I got over it, and seriously couldn’t have had a better child first. and now we’re having the opposite gender, and seriously once again I was a bit disappointed because I wanted to have the same gender family, but after that, I got excited and we are planning a brand new nursery for a brand new gender! That’s normal behavior.
Post # 28
Every day, people invent new and shocking ways to be awful. What the flying fiddles did I just read? That poor, poor baby. I really hope someone takes the time to tell these people off. Smh.
Post # 29
I have a friend who has unfortunately been abused by a man in her family. She makes crude and inappropriate remarks all the time about selectively aborting all of her potential sons- I mean ALL THE TIME. She’s shared with me that she secretly fears having “predatory man genes” in her blood and it really changes her perspective.
Im not excusing any behavior, but I think sometimes these issues are really more complicated than they appear.
Post # 30
Hopefully she will get over this nonsense once she has that beautiful healthy baby boy in her arms but this doesn’t seem normal or healthy at all to me. And even if mom and dad do a 180 with thier attitude, that’s not so easy for a 4 year old who right now is seeing how unwanted this baby is and how horrible it will be to have a brother. They are setting up to have quite the sibling dynamic.
I would have a really hard time being around anyone like this. It can be normal to have gender disappointment, yes but this is extreme and really quite disgusting of them. I don’t know if they could ever change my low opinion of them after this kind of behavior.