- 7 years ago
- Wedding: January 2011
… but after my appointment today at 11 weeks, found out that I’ve had a missed miscarriage.
My pregnancy had a rocky start when I experienced spotting at what I thought was about 6 weeks along. I went in for an u/s and only saw the yolk sac and they figured I was more likely about 5w+ along. I was scared, my spotting lasted about a week ending just before my follow up u/s. At the second u/s we saw the embryo and heart beat of 116bpm. I felt so relieved. Even though Darling Husband was cautious and still concerned about viability, I kept reassuring him that things would be okay… we’d seen a heart beat, I’ve had no spotting.
I went in today at exactly 11 weeks, to hear the heart beat over the doppler. My Dr. couldn’t find it, but assured me that this happens and they would double check with an u/s. The minute the u/s tech pressed the want to my stomach I saw an empty gestational sac. I hoped to hell she just had to look more/press harder or something, because I’d already seen something… where the hell would it go? Unfortunately, we concluded I’ve had a missed miscarriage. They think the embryo stopped developing around 8w. She continued to tell me that the heartbeat they’d seen at the last u/s was very low and she had also been concerned about the shape of my gestational sac and because of a clot they had seen since my first u/s… none of these concerns I was informed about until now.
I’d kind of subconsciously stopped posting on the baby boards for the past weeks, thinking I would wait until today’s appointment where it would really feel safe and I could add myself to the pregnancy updates thread and happily continue on. Unfortunately that wouldn’t be the case. I was so thrilled to be pregnant, yet I didn’t know how much I grew to love that LO and invest in its future until now… I’m still not sure that I really get it. Even after a spotting scare, I’m surprised by how hard this is.
As of right now, Darling Husband is away Mon-Fri for the next 5 weeks save for 15 minutes of “phone time” each day and we have to deal with this apart…. at least until the weekend, so I just needed to get this out. We didn’t tell family about the pregnancy yet becaue we’d planned to share our happy news over Easter. I know we’ll be okay down the road, but for now its just devastating… Its hard not to feel at fault, and its so hard to let go of all those dreams and plans.
I just truly hope that all the girls that I’ve read about and followed along on this board whether silently or contributing to posts, have the healthiest and happiest of pregnancies. Don’t take a day of it for granted. My thoughts and prayers are with you all and I’m wishing you and your precious LOs the best.