Post # 1
So this past Saturday was my bridal shower. I was nervously looking forward to it only because I dont like to be the center of attention…I dont even like my birthday. I have a slight case of anxiety but nothing too bad (or so I thought). The weeks leading up to it my bridal party (2 sister older sisters and 3 younger neices) They started to mock and complain about me and my shower. So I told them that I would make it very easy on them all I asked them to do was handle the food and drink and I’d take care of the rest. When they asked what I wanted I said nothing fancy just your usual mini sandwiches, salads, dips, fruit….but that I wanted everything to be served on nice platters….not the plastic plates they came on or in the sour cream tub for dips. I wanted it to look nice and presentable. When I said that I was instantly called “BRIDEZILLA”. I just brushed it off and went about my days single handly planning my own shower….I ordered and sent out my own invitations, I did all the decor (made by hand) I bought and created all the games along with purchasing the prizes, I did all the favors which were homemade 40 mini pumpkin loaves each gift wrapped. The morning of the shower my Mom was to come and pick me up (I spent the night about her house), about 20-30 mins before the shower my Mom calls and says I cant pick you up I dont have time, You need to find your own ride over. Luckily it was only 3 mins away…fine no big deal I’ll get dropped off. As I arrive with a lot of stuff sangria (which at the last minute everyone forgot to make so I had to go out that night and get all the stuff for it), games, gifts, etc I ask my sister for help as I’m getting out of the car and I’m met again with “BRIDEZILLA”. At this point I’m just so frustrated with the name calling and overwhelmed with all the things still needed to be done before the actual start time.
As I was sitting there all I hear is complaint after complaint…”ugh its sooo hot out here!” “I told her not to have it this weekend but she didnt listen.” (I over heard my family member say that) “why do you hardly have anything on your registry?”, “there is no more alcohol!” I CRACKED!!! I gracefully excused myself and went into the bathroom and started crying uncontrollably. We had a freak heat wave over the weekend I cant control mother nature but I did however go out and buy everyone hand held fans to help cool them off. We ran out of sangria so I had someone drop off two large bottles of vodka. I dont have much on my registry because I havent had time (we had at least 45 items listed). I finally calmed down and cleaned myself up and it was time for presents. I ripped threw these things so fast because I just wanted it to be over. Finally the shower was over and everyone went home. Then I was asked by my family if I had a good time and I said no…but before I could explain why I was told that I was an ungrateful and selfish “BRIDEZILLA”. Everyone did all this work to make it a special day and you say you had a bad time….youre ridiculous! I thought to myself I dont know what you guys did for me I did most of the work. All you had to do was order food and put them on platters??? I told them that I had a panic attack and lost it in the bathroom during my own shower and noboby was concerned. They all rolled their eyes and said I’m crazy! And that I better get it together because the “wedding day” is gonna be much worse! So now I’m panicking about the actual wedding day…and makes me want to call it all off. Because if I show any signs of weakness or anxiety I’m gonna be called a “BRIDEZILLA” yet again! :(((
I just had one of my friends pick me up and I left. I couldnt be around anymore negativity. So Bees…was I being an ungrateful selfish bride, did I overreact??
Thanks for letting me vent!
Post # 2
The other day, I was sorting out the bedrooms, getting rid of the winter clothes to make way for the summer stuff. I had two really bad anxiety attacks, all I was doing was spring cleaning!!! I cried, I cried because I felt so stupid and because it was really nothing to get anxious over, that was when I had my second lol.
The first thing is, they should not have been calling you a Bridezilla it was cruel and really, a bit childish. That must have hurt your feelings and probably started your emotions off. You can’t help Mother Nature, and a heat wave is beyond your control.
How far away is your wedding, can you cancel? I know you may get people telling you to suck it up, but do you really want to look back at your wedding day like you are on your shower. But the thing to remember is that you will have your husband there to support you th is time. Try and keep that in mind.
Post # 3
To answer your question….yeah, kinda.
Put yourself in their shoes: they didn’t want to throw a shower for whatever reason (and that’s their right). You essentially throw yourself a shower (which is a HUGE etiquette no-no), and ask them to do a few things, which they do. Then you tear through opening the gifts people gave you, and tell them you didn’t have a nice time.
I mean after reading your description of events I can see you were upset, but if I were them I’d think you were a ‘zilla.
Post # 4
I don’t think each of those things warrants you be a called a “bridezilla”.. maybe everything combined would.
Perhaps your friends and family thought you were being rude as to planning your own shower… usually the bride barely knows of when it’s gonna happen.. none the less planning the games/prizes, and even what the food sits on.
Please keep in mind that while your wedding is about YOU, you need to make sure everyone around you feels welcome and wanted.. don’t use them as props, wallets or servants. This is how so many friendships are lost during wedding planning.
Post # 5
I think you should sit down with a family member one-on-one (either ur mom or sister) and explain how you feel. Just open up to them and tell them that being called that hurts your feelings. You need to get this out in the air before your wedding.
For some reason, people love to call brides Bridezilla. I think it’s just a catchy word but I’m sure they don’t mean to hurt ur feelings this much.
Post # 6
It sounds like nobody wanted to have the shower but you. Your bridal party didn’t want to help plan it and your guests complained while they were there. As a previous poster mentioned, it’s not really kosher to insist on and/or plan your own bridal shower. There may have been some bad feelings about the whole situation from both your bridal party and your guests. Also, if the guests took the time to pick out and purchase a gift for you, you should have been more gracious with the gift-opening. That may have ruffled some feathers as well.
Post # 7
Pacomyluv: I’m sorry you’re upset, but it does sound like you overreacted and I can see why they were calling you a crazy bridezilla. I don’t think you’re selfish, but perhaps you’ve lost sight of what matters and are putting too much pressure on yourself. It was insane to make 40 pumpkin party favors, not to mention all the other work you did. Hand made decoractions, seriously? Not necessary. The best wedding shower I’ve ever been to had a little crepe paper and that was it! It’s one thing if you just really like all that crafty stuff, but if it stresses you out and causes you to resent your family, you need to stop.
Crying uncontrollably at your wedding shower also sounds…very wrong. It sounds like the sort of thing a crazy Bridezilla would do when her party isn’t going the way she wants. Maybe your family is being really unsupportive and uncaring, but you’re making things worse for yourself by worrying over shit that doesn’t matter (like all the games you bought). If you had just relaxed and enjoyed whatever low-key event they were going to provide for you, instead of micromanaging every single detail, you might have had a nicer time.
Also, maybe “ripping through” all your presents as fast as you could conveyed a certain ungratefulness. If people had the decency to show up & celebrate with you, AND bring you gifts, it’s pretty terrible of you to behave that way. And *telling them* about your little bathroom breakdown was manipulative and petty.
I think you owe your friends & family an apology for being a brat, and a promise that you’ll chill out on your wedding day.
Post # 8
Throwing a shower for yourself will never end well.
Post # 9
DEFINITELY NOT. You asked very little of people and you were treated like a clump of dirt. I don’t understand how anyone could say you were being a bridezilla. You were asked by your family, not the guests, if you had a good time. I would have cried in the bathroom too, and honestly after people were gone, if I was asked by someone who made the day crappy if I had a good time, I would say no as well. If they called me selfish bridezilla, lord in heaven would they get cussed out….
Post # 10
Pacomyluv: Honestly, I can understand the frustration. I think where you went wrong was telling them you didn’t enjoy yourself. Maybe next time just lie. Tell them you had an awesome time and thank them for all their hard work. You’ll only get eyerolls from complaining, no matter what the reason is.
Post # 11
Pacomyluv: I don’t like the term bridezilla, but I think you were definitely micro-managing to an unreasonable degree. Demanding everything be on fancy platters is a little OTT. It sounds like you threw your own shower, which is a bit of a no-no. I don’t think your family were particularly well behaved by complaining to you, but you were very ungrateful by ‘tearing through’ presents that people had brought you.
Post # 12
It sucks being called a bridezilla. And having people thinking you are ungrateful. But I do think you need to step back and look at things from your family and friends’ perspectives. They didn’t offer to throw you a shower, did they? You took it on yourself because no one was going to. Which is fine, but you wanted things to be a certain way and they couldn’t deliver, which is likely why they didn’t offer to throw you a shower in the first place. Maybe that’s a little bit selfish of them to complain to you and to not offer in the first place.
You probably made them feel like children telling them to cover the food and you want specific things and to put it on platters. And then spending so much time hand making decorations and invitations, for an event that lasts a total of what 3 hours, tops? Perhaps your expectations need to be brought down a little bit before the wedding happens. If someone wants to do something nice for you, let them. If it has to be done YOUR way, then you should just do it yourself. The point of a bridal shower is to get together before the wedding, spend time with the bride, and to ‘shower her with gifts’ to start her and her hubby to be’s life together.
Post # 13
I think as a society we need to adjust our expectations when it comes to wedding events. Showers, bachelorette parties, and engagement parties (and even the reception to be honest), are completely optional, and honestly, not usually that fun for the attendees. There is no obligation to have them. It sounds like you weren’t very excited about having it from the start, but felt obligated to have a certain kind of shower, and therefore made it happen yourself. It would have been less stress on everyone, especially if you don’t like being the center of attention, to have a low-key get together or no shower at all.
Post # 14
Pacomyluv: First of all, I hate the term bridezilla. Absolutely hate it. It’s right up there with “gift grabby” with me, so when I see or read about someone calling someone a bridezilla, I get annoyed. I don’t think it’s always a fair name to call someone. From this post, I can definitely see you were upset, and I don’t blame you. In my social circle it’s expected that the bridesmaids throw the bridal shower. If my sisters were calling me names leading up to it, I’d be mad, too, I’d have to fight my natural instinct as a people pleaser and just do it myself. I can see where someone is maybe offended that you threw the shower yourself, but if your sisters don’t want to that means you must be denied one? I don’t agree with that even a little.
I think a nice talk with your mom or your sisters in a non confrontational manner will be beneficial to you. Explain that maybe you didn’t handle yourself the best way you could have during the shower, but also explain that you didn’t feel like you had their support during it. Also explain that name calling is kind of immature and instead of just mockingly calling you a bridezilla they should voice what they’re thinking in explicit words so you can work through it.
Post # 15
You took over the entire shower and told them what to do and you wonder why they called you a bridezilla?
And, if you didn’t have a good time at the shower that you planned and ran? You cannot blame your wedding party for that. If you didn’t like your own shower that you were completely in charge of, then there’s only one person to blame and it isn’t any of the girls in your wedding party.
I suggest you forego a bachelorett party altogether.