- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
I’m having an issue with two of my sisters who are my BM’s. I know I initially overreacted to one of them, but I think I presented a good compromise. I don’t think I was rude, but you be the judge.
My grandma is making the dresses for my BMs. I have one out-of-state, currently pregnant Bridesmaid or Best Man that we have to wait on. My grandma wanted to have the other dresses done by March.
My sisters have been aware that I was going to have my wedding next year for a long time. We got engaged in August and chose our date and bridal party within a few days. All the girls were also aware of my plan to have my grandma make the dresses early.
I come to find out that two of my three sisters want to try to get pregnant early next spring. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not against them getting pregnant. Nobody’s life revolves around my wedding. However, my little sister volunteered to have my grandma make her dress first. I don’t know if she wasn’t thinking or what the deal was, but if she was to get pregnant and my grandma had the dress done, my grandma would not handle it well. She gets stressed about this kind of thing. I didn’t find out about my older sister until we were talking about the younger one wanting to get pregnant. So now three out of five dresses can’t be completed until at least May? I don’t think that’s fair to my grandma, who is doing this out of the goodness of her heart.
I reacted poorly to my older sister. She already has two kids and the youngest is only 8 months right now. I don’t get what the rush is. I also don’t get why they’d want to be pregnant the summer our family has two big weddings (my brother’s is 2 months before mine, another source of stress). But to each their own. They can have kids whenever they want, it’s their choice.
When I talked to my grandma, I could hear the stress in her voice. My older sister had offered to make both hers and my little sister’s dresses if it solved the problem. So I asked my grandma what she wanted to do. We decided that in a week, we’ll go look at patterns and see if we can find one that would be flattering to everyone, including the pregnant women. If not, we’d have to go the store-bought dress route. Unfortunately, due to my budget, I’d have to ask the girls to buy their own if we have to go that way.
I emailed both of my sisters separately (my older sister doesn’t want anyone to know about their plans to TTC) simply stating that either we find a good pattern and have my older sister make two of them or we have to go with store-bought dress and I can’t pay for them.
I haven’t heard anything back and I’m sure both of them are mad at me for my solution. Was it rude of me to tell them that I couldn’t afford to buy them dresses or that my older sister needed to make theirs? It seems that no matter how I approach the situation, I’m being offensive. If I point out that the timing might not be ideal, I’m being rude. If I tell them my solution, I’m being rude. If I just let them do whatever they want, they’ll take my vision for the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses in a totally different direction. I understand needing to be accommodating, but doesn’t everyone involved need to be understanding and compromise? I feel like I’m expected to do all the compromising during my wedding.