(Closed) Was I in the Wrong, or is my Mother Crazy.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What needs to be done
    Nothing, your mom is over reacting, don't worry about it : (14 votes)
    40 %
    Write an appology to the group because you were overstepped here : (2 votes)
    6 %
    Write an email to clear things up : (19 votes)
    54 %
    Other, explain below. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    3285 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    I can see both sides of the argument, but I kinda tend to lean on the side of your mom (sorry) because from this post, I kinda do get the vibe of “this is what I want” instead of being flexible and grateful for ‘any’ type of celebration.  It is a fine line, and I am sorry you got caught in the middle – it’s just a misunderstanding though…

    Post # 4
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    YOu should tell your mom that ideally, you shoudln’t even have had a hand in your own shower. But since her friends were asking for SO MUCH guidance, you gave it to her. They didn’t have to take it literally but if they can’t come up with their own ideas wth do they expect?

    Maybe all that time spent “discussing” and asking you for ideas could’ve been used to actually plan something!

    Was your mom on that email? Maybe you should just feed your mom the info from now on and let your mom feed it to her friends.

    Really tho, they should just plan it and expect you to attend and that’s it!

    BUt the dessert party…genius. It’s going into my mental idea book. I LOVE that theme! And what a great way to involve everybody who comes.

    Post # 5
    114 posts
    Blushing bee

    it sounds like you  made it perfectly clear you were up for anything for the shower, but they couldn’t make a decision. i think it was perfectly fine for you to send the blog and template- it makes their job super-easy IMO… but whatever even if the ideas were time-consuming they could just modify it. if you already told them you sent it for inspiration that’s fine! it seems like you’ve been very flexible and easy-going, i don’t think you owe anyone an apology! good luck

    Post # 6
    65 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    You know, I think part of the problem is that people in their generation aren’t used to blogs. I say this because I was discussing what chairs to get for the reception with my mom and I sent her a link to a weddingbee post about chairs, and she said I was “obsessing”. First of all, she thought I wrote the blog myself, so perhaps these women thought something like the same? Secondly, I don’t think they realize that we use these things just for inspiration and it doesn’t have to be exactly the same. They probably think it’s crazy that these blogs even exist!  I’m sorry you got your feelings hurt because I know you were just trying to help- I would have felt the same.

    Post # 7
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I don’t think you were wrong.  Its possible that your Mother is unaware of how persistent her friend is being about getting ideas from you.  I think I’d let my Mother know that I would much prefer no control but that I didn’t want to offend anyone by refusing to help.  From this point on, I’d avoid any questions and say firmly (again)- I will be thrilled with whatever you guys do for me and I trust the ideas you come up with.  Hopefully they’ll get the idea. 

    Post # 8
    3709 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I voted that you should send an e-mail to clear things up. Just let them know that you were sending shower theme ideas because you were asked to and that you are not going to involve yourself in any more planning. Let them know that you want it to be a surprise and you will be happy with whatever they plan.

    I really think you were put between a rock and a hard place….you picked your own date, they asked you to pick your own theme. If they have e-mail then they can google bridal shower themes and then between them…pick something. It’s rude to ASK you to come up with something and then complain b/c you followed through.

    Post # 10
    2208 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    @Dilemma, I think that email would be great to send out.  I truthfully dont think you overstepped any boundaries, though I CAN see how an older generation (ie moms) would take the template as such.  Our generation is just different, it was a misunderstanding. 

    Post # 11
    2186 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    i dont think you overstepped – they asked for your imput…. its not liek you sent them a list of demands. you were answering questions they had.

    send an email to the older generation to clear it up and be done with it 🙂

    Post # 12
    243 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    It seems like you were just answering questions, no harm in that.

    I might be a little careful in the email to the generous women though. It kind of sounds like you are throwing mom under the bus a little bit when you say, “From here on out, if there are questions about the shower, please ask my mom as I think it would be more appropriate for her to help answer any questions you may have about the details of the shower.

    It  just seems a little loaded and Mom’s friends might get the impression that you two have been argueing, which I am sure is the farthest thing from their intent.

    I think it is great to adress the situtation and express your gratitude, just be carfeul not to make anyone feel funny about it.

    I hope I am not overstepping my boundaries.Embarassed Don’t get me wrong I voted that your mom is overreacting!

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