Was I right in ending this friendship? Vent alert!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think you should take a step back but TELL HER WHY first. Say something like, “I love you and I want you in my life, but your negativity about my FI, the man with whom I’m going to be spending the rest of my life, has been making me feel awful. I don’t know what’s up, and if there’s something going on in your life, I want to be there for you. But I need to know you support my relationship with FI, and if you can’t do that right now, we need to take a break until you’re in a different place and able to give me your wholehearted support.”

 

(I will say, I am SO GLAD you’ve found such a wonderful person, but it did occur to me that if you describe him in this same language when you’re around your friends, I’m not entirely surprised you’re getting flack. I mean, it’s adorable that you’re so head over heels about him, but sometimes when we’re in love we can be nauseatingly over the top in discussing our SOs, and it can start to seem like bragging, or even “rubbing salt in the wound” if the person who’s listening to you isn’t 100% happy in their own relationship. Just a thought! If you’re just venting all your gushy love on Weddingbee, then more power to you, but if you’re also mooning over him like this to your friends, you may want to dial it back a notch and just save your poems for us here on the Bee. 🙂

 

Post # 5
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@happilyeveraftergirl:  I would cut her out.  That is what I had to do recently to one of my gfs. Sometimes that is all you can do.

Post # 6
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@happilyeveraftergirl:  My best friend is single and totally not happy that way. Shes got a lot going on in her own life, and Ive seen a bit of jealousy poke through now and again. However, she is mostly supportive and has been happy to participate in the planning of our october reception (hubby and I were married privately abroad). I can totally understand why you are upset and her comments and remarks are way out of line. What was her response when confronted? Did she seem apologetic about her behavior? Im sure she is jealous and probably feeling a bit left out. It may be best to keep her in the loop about a few things, and save the excitement over planning your wedding etc with some other friends. If however her nasty comments and overall jealous nature continues even after having a heart to heart with her, then id consider ending the friendship . Sometimes its just hard for others to be happy for you when their own life isnt exactly going their way.

Post # 7
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you were right to cut her out. More so than what she said being hurtful and rude – she is a negative energy that you don’t need in your life. Leave her alone with her amazing man who will propose when she’s wearing an Oscar de la Renta gown at a dinner in a 5 star restaurant in NYC with a 6 ct diamond ring after asking her for father’s hand in marriage with a photographer around to catch it all. That’s true love right there, aren’t you a hater?? *eye roll*

Post # 8
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@happilyeveraftergirl:  If your friend is truly a friend and loves you she will be supportive no matter what. You having a great relationship should make her happy for you, not turn into a green-eyed monster who wants to drag you down. I had a horrible mess of an abusive relationship for 8 years and still helped counsel my friend into NOT leaving her husband over their tiny problems while I was in the middle of that mess. I wanted her to be happy and I truly felt that she would be miserable if she had left him. I never wanted her to fail because my relationship sucked. I love her and I want the best for her. If I were you I would take a serious break from this friend. Maybe a couple months down the road you might be able to talk to her again and maybe she’ll reconsider the way she’s been acting.

Post # 9
Member
2630 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@happilyeveraftergirl:  It sounds like you did the right thing for you and don’t need to feel guilty about it. Even if she is going through a tough time with her own relationship, it does NOT give her a free pass to be a total witch to you about your FI and engagement. I do agree that you should let her know why you’ve done it. Also, I would leave the door open to a future reconciliation in case she comes to her senses.

Post # 12
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’ve found that there are a few situations in life where people begin to show colors you didn’t know they had, and you have to leave them behind.  Sadly, getting engaged or married is one of those occasions. 

Post # 13
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@happilyeveraftergirl:  First off: GREAT catch! He sounds ALMOST as good as my DH! ; )

Secondly: I probably wouldn’t drop her as a friend, but I would stop hanging out with her in a non-group setting.

Post # 15
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@stephee:  +1,000,000!

The truest statement I’ve read in a long, long time!

Post # 16
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@happilyeveraftergirl:  Everyone wants something different for their proposal and I totally get that. I also wanted my FI to ask my dad and to get a photographer and I wanted to be dressed nicely (I didn’t care for a gown, I just didn’t want to be in my normal “I’m slumming it” attire), but I wouldn’t have said NO because I want to marry the man and he’s asking me! I guess I lucked out bc he gave me everything I could ask for and more, but your friend sure does sound materialistic and not appreciative. I hope she gets what she’s looking for one day, but for some reason I doubt it. In any event, I get rid of negative energy from my life – it brings you down.

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