Post # 1
Here’s a question for you ladies:
I’m getting married in 2 and a half weeks (oye!) and a couple days ago I wrote my three bridesmaids an email about rehearsal and rehearsal dinner times and I also told them that I’m paying for them to get their hair done (in any way they like) and that we will get ready afterwards in the hotel that is 100 ft from the hair salon where the limo will pick us up to take us to the ceremony. The photographer will be joining us for hair and getting dressed and I send them a super cheery email and went on my way.
An hour later, my bridemaid who is also my FSIL, who hasn’t been around for any of the planning, called my fiance and told him she was too upset by my email to respond and that she’s not doing any of that crap and just wants to meet us at the church. She said that she can’t be away from her children that long ( 1 and 3 year old girls – her inlaws are staying here to watch them during the reception because FSIL wants to party – and the in-laws are bringing them to the church) and that she just said yes to being a bridesmaid as a courtesy.
Was it wrong of me to assume she’d be participating in these these activities? I thought that’s what being a bridesmaid was all about.
Post # 3
So she’s not even coming to the rehearsal?
If she just doesn’t want to get her hair done, I say fine. You’ll save money. But if she refuses the rehearsal, I’d let her know that no hurt feelings, she doesn’t have to be a bridesmaid if she doesn’t want to.
Post # 4
she shoulnt have agreed to be a bridesmaid if she doesnt want to do those things!!
Post # 5
I don’t think getting your hair done is a “given” as far as being a bridesmaid. If she wasn’t informed of it before, I can see how she might be upset at having to find someone to watch her kids for longer.
Post # 6
Nope, your not wrong to assume.
I agree w/ the other bee that mentioned the rehearsal, your FI should stress the importance of that. But if she wants to miss out on fun bonding time, then so be it.
Post # 7
I always assume that stuff is part of the day but if she is really adamant I would just let it go and ask her to show up a bit early to get the formal BM/bride shots.
Post # 8
Even though its pretty obvious and they should already expect to get dressed together, I think you should have told them more than 2.5 weeks in advance that you want to do hair and makeup together etc. But still what is her problem?? Honestly if she only said yes to being a bridesmaid as a courtesy I would look for a cousin or friend and replace her. Who needs a bridesmaid like her?
Post # 9
In just about every wedding I’ve planned or coordinated, the families of the bridal party would be present at the rehearsal…. so your in laws would be there to watch the kids.
I’d have them and FI let her know that the rehearsal is important, hopefully she puts her big girl britches on and joins you.
As for the hair – if it’s not her thing, don’t worry about it… the rest of you will have a lovlier morning if she’s not with you complaining the whole time.
Post # 10
Oh my goodness what a nightmare!
Post # 11
1 word: bitch
that “crap” is part of being a bm.. and hell she doesnt even have to pay for any of it!
Post # 12
Wow she sounds like she is totally overreacting! It’s generous of you to offer re her hair – she should be grateful. And no it’s not wrong of you to assume – if i was a bridesmaid I’d expect to do all those things no warning needed. Sorry she’s being so negative – just try to ignore it and have fun. Have an amazing day!
Post # 13
@pinkshoes: um yes… my thoughts exactly
tell her to grow up and get over it… youre getting your hair done for free and eating for free! stop complaining.
Post # 14
Thanks for your responses. I honestly don’t care if she doesn’t want to get her hair done but i’d at least like her to get dressed/ride over in the limo with us.