- 3 years ago
First post here, but I’ve had a quick look through other similar topics and thought an outside opinion would be helpful!
Basically for the past couple of months things had been quite distant between my partner and I, which made things seem more like we were living as roommates and no longer as a couple. When I realised this I tried to make us go out and do things together as a couple, but since I was making all the plans it just felt he was simply going along with it because I said so. This resulted in a rather unhappy trip to the aquarium, and me bursting into tears in the middle of London! He asked what was wrong the next day and I said it felt like we were just friends, and he didn’t really know what to say. He left the next day to see his parents for Easter for a week.
When he came back, he had already text me saying we needed to talk, then basically sat me down and explained that he thought we should go our separate ways and we had grown apart. I had a suspicion he was going to say this, so I kind of resigned myself to it, but when I asked if he wasn’t even going to consider to try he said there wouldn’t be a point as it wouldn’t make a difference!!
Needless to say I was a mess, and left for the next four days or so to return to see my parents, as I didn’t have much other support to turn to where we lived due to friends’ shift patterns. We talked before I left and he explained that he was hurting, and it was horrible for him to see how much he had hurt me, but then that he didn’t know what he wanted to do. I told him that I loved him, understood why he said what he did and said I would wait for his final decision once he had figured things out, regardless of what it was. The space was basically to help this.
He text me a couple of days after I left, saying how much he missed me and loved me, and that he had made a big mistake and didn’t realise how empty things would be without me there. We did reconcile over text and said we would work on things, and affirmed this when I came back and we sat down and talked.
Now I hadn’t been back to work until Wednesday (I’m part time) and some seemed really surprised I was back with him, as they said I looked terrible on Friday (day after he broke up with me). They said they wouldn’t take him back after what he did, and it just got me thinking; am I?
We were going to get engaged at some point this year (bought each other rings) but when it came up in passing (I said about having to insure the ring on the home insurance) he said he doesn’t think it will happen for at least a year, considering things that has happened. I understand this, I really do, but it just reminded me of him saying during the initial break up convo that he only brought that ring because he thought it might change things, since he was trying to recapture a feeling from the first year of us being together! This thought lingered with me and I ended up crying last night over it, and realised that while he has taken a step back in our relationship because of everything that has happened I haven’t, and still love him the way I did before it all went down the toilet.
Basically I had to say that I can’t have him discuss with me anything about the future, as it’s too painful for me to hear as I’m clearly so much further ahead in our relationship than he is now. I am willing to wait for him… but it’s painful to do so. I told him to sell that ring he bought as it means nothing now. I’m going to give the ring I bought to give to him to my parents for safekeeping, just to get it out of the house.
Am I an idiot taking him back? I love him with every fibre of my being but having a future life I thought I had with him ripped out from under my feet is really cutting me up inside. I’m not even sure where our future will go any more. I’m just really confused.