(Closed) Was it a surprise?

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I think you are overreacting. It’s a pretty common commnet/question and you are going to get it A LOT when you start telling people. It’s a normal thing for people to be curious about and it doesn’t mean anything about your readiness to be a parent. You’ll also get the reverse questions, which is “Did you plan this?”

Post # 5
Member
5111 posts
Bee Keeper

@apex:  I asked this of one of my pregnant friends, and that night I saw a thread complaining that someone had done this to them. I had NO idea it was considered rude until that point! Lol. I am CERTAIN that I will get this question a lot (because of my age, which I think you and I are the same age, right?) and I’ve asked it a lot, so I think I will be okay with it. I can understand it can be awkward, but IMHO I think it’s normal concersation…? I dunno lol

Post # 6
Hostess
3381 posts
Sugar bee

@mrsSonthebeach:  I agree. You’ll possibly get “how long hve you been trying?”.  I also think those without kids (myself included) can be pretty insensitive.

Post # 7
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

“Surprise” does not have the same connotation as “accident” or “mistake.” There is going to be so much unwarranted advice when it comes to pregnancy and child rearing that IS rude- I think you should try to let things things that are perhaps a bit clueless but not malicious or catty just roll off your back. If you are looking for reasons to get offended you can always find a reason, but that’s going to make for a long pregnancy (and truthfully, a potentailly long 18+ years after that).

Post # 10
Member
5111 posts
Bee Keeper

@apex:  same age here 🙂 I can understand your frustration bevause i think we both already feel so judged in our life choices so far, that i think its easy for us to be hypersensitive to that type of question. i dunno, I’d try to just let it roll, like a PP said…there will be far more offensive questions in the near future I’m sure.. Me personally, I will proudly say, “Yes, it was VERY planned, to the minute!!!” Like you did, that way they know you MADE this decision because it was right for you and your family, and that’s your perogative (I think there’s another R in that word lol). 

Post # 11
Member
5111 posts
Bee Keeper

@apex:  oh and when I ask it, people seem receptive. Those that did have surprise pregnancies are usually very open and honest about it, same with those that were planned. I think people with surprise pregnancies are often more open than those who planned it, you know, “This was my little miracle! We didn’t expect her but we are so glad she’s coming!” 

I dunno, that may be crazy, but I feel like since a lot of women are open about it being a surprise when it is one, it makes other people think its okay to ask that, you know? 

I was an unplanned pregnancy, so I guess I’m more comfortable than I Should be about asking those questions 🙂 lol

Post # 12
Member
5111 posts
Bee Keeper

@apex:  I have more thoughts on the subject but I don’t wanna post it on a thread, I’m sure ill get ripped for it. Will you PM me so I remember to tell you tomorrow morning? 

Post # 13
Member
1807 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Do I think its rude of her to ask you? Yes.  Do I think you should be offended? No.  Some people are just oblivious.  I’d just respond to these comments “No, we wanted to have a baby” and leave it at that.

Post # 15
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee

Hahaha, when my mom told my grandmother that I am pregnant, she said my grandmother asked “…. well how does she feel about that?” heheh Her polite southern way of asking if I was planning or not. I don’t blame her too much, though, because when I was growing up with my devil of a little brother I would always say I never wanted kids (then I realised they aren’t all like him, haha).

Post # 16
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i was asked this too, not a fan of it either. why does it matter to people if it was a suprise, its your life. my DH cousin (16 years old) asked me and it was kinda weird, we were NTNP, how am to i explain that.. i say ignore it.. oh & congrats !

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