Post # 1
I recently just broke up with my boyfriend, and like always, at the end he made it feel like he did nothing wrong and it was all me. I am not someone who thinks they are always right, so I am starting to wonder if my maybe all our problems were exaggerated by me or if he was just a jerk. I would like some different perspectives and opinions!
We had been dating for three years. When we first started to date, he would call and text me almost every day. For the past year (our third year of dating), all of that stopped and he would usually not reach out to me unless I contacted him first. He would never call me, never ask about my day, and was usually okay with just saying hi or whats up every now over facebook. This really irked me because we are in a LDR so communication is a huge thing for me. He lives 4 hours away so I only saw him once a month. 🙁 Sometimes I would text or message him, and he would never answer me only for me to find out he has been playing video games all day with his friends. (This man is 30 btw, his video game addiction is another thing I had an issue with. He was going back to college because he left the army and he was suspended for a semester for skipping class to play games or work on his anime club.)
Last year I found out that he had been sexting girls over the phone (one woman sent a naked photo of herself which he saved to his phone) and flirting (lots of sexual comments and joking about sleeping with girls) on facebook. I made him block all these women and generally forgave him. Later on he did again, saying things like “You’re hot…I would date you if I was single..” etc. Made him block that girl too. I also found that he was emailing women on craigslist for casual hook ups while I was studying for a semester in China. His excuse was that it was a joke and he testing to see if these people were real. Hard for me to believe him but again, I forgave him. This was all a year ago and ever since then he has been good about that….I think.
He had been having money issues so I paid for his rent (1000 dollars) three times in the three years we were dating. Also because of his money issues, he hardly ever came to visit me or paid for dates. Sometimes he didn’t buy Christmas or birthday presents. Which sucks because sometimes I found out that he would treat friends to dinner and stuff, so it kinda hurt that he had money for that and not me. His money problems were so bad he just had to move back in with his mom, though again this was all brought about because he lost all his paychecks from the army because his school kicked him out.
Basically to me it seems like I am the only person trying to work on our relationship. I finally cracked because he had ignored me all day last week instead of picking my calls up so I told him I would break up with him if he didn’t get off his game….of course he didn’t and finally texted me back saying he was okay with that and tired of dealing with my complaints. :/ Thing is…I feel my complaints are pretty valid. But I don’t know…did I overreact? At this point, for all the **** I do for him I kind of expect a little more attention than what I get. Anytime I ask to work on our issues he basically says “I need to take care of myself or work on me first. So you need to wait.”
I know he has money issues and a lot of stress, but still….for someone who kept saying he wanted to marry me and kept calling me his “wife”, I figured he would try to work on our problems instead of ignoring them and refusing to hear me out.
Advice? Was I stupid to put up with a lot this treatment?
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
He sounds very immature to me and no where near ready for a life long comitment. I think you’re better off without him.
Post # 4
I see red flags all over the place with this guy. For starters…he can’t be trusted with the way he contacts girls. Secondly, he sounds like he was using you for money. Thirdly, in a relationship, a man doesn’t ignore you and talk to you when it’s convienient for him. Drop his ass and move on. You deserve better and deserve to be treated with a little more respect.
Post # 5
@jubial: You weren’t stupid. It is hard to be objective when you’re in the middle of a situation. It doesn’t sound like he was treating you very well, but you got yourself out of the relationship. I think that was a smart choice.
Post # 6
I personally believe every story has two sides, but, a big but, I would have never tolerated not even half of that, just the sexting thing alone and I would have been done, in my opinion that is cheating (I know for others it isn’t) and I personally wouldn’t have bothered making him block them, ’cause THEY weren’t the issue (as was proven later on). I’m sorry this ended this way, and I’m sure it is hard for both of you in different ways, but clearly it isn’t working and there is no point in placing blame, it is just time to close this chapter and move on.
Post # 7
@jubial: We all accept shitty treatment from shitty boyfriends along the line. They take advantage of our forgiveness, hope, and optimism. The important thing though is NOT to look back and judge your “stupidity” but to examine with open eyes why it happened- his part and yours, and use the info to create a healthier happier future. Its all a neccesary part of the learning curve that leads us to marriage. Be thankful for the experience because you learned x, y, z (sometimes its nice to even write it all out). ***Dont beat yourself up***
sorry youre dealing with this! Cheers to the future 🙂
Post # 8
I agree with the others, it’s better to have this immature, self-centered man out of your life! It may have been good at the start but it sounds like he’s lost focus on you and your relationship and now is the time to move on! Good luck, you’ll find something better!
Post # 9
i didn’t finish reading and already saw a bunch of red flags. you are better or without him.
what i learned from my dating experience is when a guy likes you, you will know. there is no guessing, there is no wondering if he will call, when he call, etc.
you will find someone who respects you and doesn’t sext other women while being committed to you.
Post # 10
Oh my goodness, you should have broke up with this guy long ago. you were absolutely in the right to end things. he is a loser
Post # 11
@jubial: I’m sorry. It sounds to me like he checked out if this relationship a long time ago. He didn’t want to be he one to break up with you so he just started doing whatever he wanted and let you break up with him. It’s pretty common behavior for immature people and seems to match his personality. I mean, what adult gets kicked out of school for playing video games? Especially when going to school provides their only income! Ridiculous.
I know it must feel awful to have put so much effort into this relationship just to have it end but you are honestly much better off.
Post # 12
This guy is not worth your time. You did the right thing,
Post # 13
You’re better off without him! He sounds like a schmuck.
Post # 14
He’s definitely the jerk. I’d compare him to a gangrenous limb, better to cut it off and keep the rest of you healthy.
Post # 15
He sounds like a real loser. You are much better off without him. All of your complaints were valid and you put up with him much longer than he deserved.
Post # 16
@jubial: We all make stupid decisions when it comes to love! The important thing is you have seen him for what he is and have taken steps to move on. Now you can find a great guy who will treat you the way you deserve, which is a hell of a lot better then your ex did.