Post # 1
Hoping someone can help shed light on this “friend’s” behavior…
My family used to be very close friends with another family when I was growing up. I became close with one of the girls, and we would hang out intermitantly through college and later into adulthood (we are both early 30’s now). She moved away for work and we lost touch, but have always been friendly. She is one of those friends that, because of so many connections, you just ‘expect’ to have at your wedding someday and vice-versa. Well, her wedding passed by, and I was not invited. Yeah, that really hurt. But not only that — a week before the wedding, my brother ran into her brother at an event and mentioned my name, then asked if he would be coming to a certain event the following week (an unrelated event). My brother said he became uneasy, then made the excuse of “oh no thanks, I can’t come, I’m going to be at a wedding that day.” Seriously…. “AT A WEDDING”…. as if we all don’t know each other well enough to use first names?! Btw, I pieced this odd story together after the wedding.
So the wedding came and went. Then the really weird thing happened. The second week afterwards, this friend becomes hyperactive on my Facebook posts… liking posts, commenting on photos, etc. She was never active on my activity before. Never! Yet she chose to resurrect herself immediately after the wedding snub. She kept it up a couple weeks but then petered off. Since then, nothing. I chose not to pursue a reconnection; I swallowed my hurt and decide to go on and live my life.
Now, it’s 6 months later and she’s expecting a baby. Dozens of baby shower photos have just gone up. I was not invited. But get this… all of a sudden, her two sisters (who I was never close with) have just “followed” me on Instagram. Now I’m seriously wonderin,g wtf!
I don’t suppose I’ll get real answers becuase I’m sure there aren’t any… I just wanted to rant, partly ecause I’m somebody who dislikes misunderstandings. I’m somebody who values etiquette and tries very hard to be considerate. So this kind of thing just bugs me… probably more than it should. Just thought somebody might have a similar personal experience to share, and did you do anything?
Post # 2
She does not consider you to be as close of a friend and you think of her. That is the only explantion.
It is not a snub probably. She maybe did not have enough room/ wanted to limit guests. And maybe passed on inviting you to the baby shower because that may have felt like a gift grab after you weren’t invited to the wedding.
Post # 3
Im wondering if she was unsure about inviting you to the wedding and decided against it (maybe because of numbers or maybe because you havent been close lately). Then following the wedding she thought that maybe she should have invited you or it would be nice to reconnect. If you didnt respond to her likes (her poor choice of reconnection but perhaps she was worried you might be mad at her for the wedding) maybe she thought you werent interested in reconnecting anymore so didnt invite you to the baby shower. Its a bunch of maybes but it makes sense.
I say this because I have somebody who was close to me and we grew up together but we fell out of touch really in the years running up to my wedding. I went back and forth about inviting her but decided that it had been a while since we talked and might be weird. Following the wedding I kept wondering whether I should have invited her but I left it be and we still havent kept in touch.
Post # 4
I think you’re overthinking. You said yourself you had fallen out of touch and weren’t close. That absolutely does not warrant an invite to either event.
Post # 5
You are placing way too much value on social media.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris
Social media is not real life. You had fallen out of touch.
Post # 7
I was in a similar situation, my best friend since childhood didn’t invite me to her wedding and I felt that was the final nail in the coffin for our friendship. The year leading up to her wedding we would try and make plans together only for her to cancel at the last minute repeatedly, then flat out ignored me. I thought it was clear she no longer considered me a friend yet after the wedding she also would also like and comment anything I posted and has sent messages over facebook trying to act as if nothing happened between us. I never responded because I didn’t think it was worth it to even try to have a cordial distant friendship because to be fair our lives had gradually drifted more and more apart even before all this happened.
Post # 8
Social media is a very superficial form of relationship. You said yourself you only have a relationship because of your families and you are friendly but not friends. So that sounds exactly like what you are getting from her – a friendly superficial relationship. Her social media activity doesn’t equal friendship nor does it obligate her to invite you and vice versa. I follow all sorts of celebrities over social media because I like their posts – they don’t know me from a hole in the ground. I recently looked up a couple of old acquaintances I was friendly with in college but fell out of touch with and saw they are authors who post some cool stuff. I’m not looking to rekindle a relationship with them – they post cool shit I enjoy reading and if we occasionally chat about stuff then cool. Learn to differentiate social media relationships and actual relationships.
Post # 9
Who do you think you are to EXPECT an invite to anyone’s wedding?
Post # 10
I have to agree with PPs. Everyone uses social media differently – you definitely can’t extrapolate real-life relationships based on it. I have relatives that I’m not very close with, and every now and then – usually if I’m laid off work – I’ll be fairly active on FB. Then, I can’t stand it again and I’m AWOL for a month or two. Maybe your old friend had some vacation time after the wedding, and was bored?
Post # 11
yellowbee33 : I think it’s weird. Can you delete them off instagram? I’d be curious to see what happens then. Maybe you weren’t as close as you thought?
Post # 12
I agree, you are placing too much meaning on social media. A lot of people are “fair weather” friends and like to keep up appearances through social media.
There are a million reasons why you may not have been invited to her wedding, just take a look around weddingbee. Cost, low budget weddings, family members, these all factor into it. I honestly just wouldn’t waste anymore time or thought on this.
Post # 13
I don’t see that this has anything to do with the importance, if any, that OP places on social media. She’s wondering why the friend was active on her facebook page after the wedding, and why her sisters followed her on instagram. And why she wasn’t invited.
OP, the only explanation I can see that might make sense is that she feels guilty for not inviting you to the wedding. This would be consistent with the discomfort her brother exhibited when he talked to your brother – her brother was aware of the situation, whatever the background to the non-invitation was. She subsequently cyber-stalked you (maybe) to try to determine your reaction to the non-invitation and liked your facebook posts as a sort of low key gesture of appeasment. For the same reason, either at her bidding or unilaterally, the sisters then instagram followed you. Of course she didn’t invite you to the baby shower because that would have just been awkward after not inviting you to the wedding.
There’s no way we can know why she didn’t invite you to the wedding. Small intimate wedding with a brutal culling of the guest list maybe, or some grievance of which you’re not aware… It’s impossible for us to say. Given that the two of you have a lot of connections through other people, you will probably run into her again one day – that could be interesting….
Post # 14
I don’t calls this “stalking” you on social media. Stalking you on social media is demanding to know why you commented on FB but didn’t reply to their message yet. Or sending PMs through every single social media and email demanding to know where you are, why you’re not responding.
These people are being normal on social media, just not as close as you would like in real life. Some people add new people just to increase their friends/followers. I wouldn’t place too much importance on that. Just unfriend or restrict her if it bothers you.
Post # 15
yellowbee33 : You’re reading too much into this. You are not entitled to an invite to a wedding regardless of how close you once were. Did you congratulate her on her engagement? If not, maybe she decided that you two are not close anymore and wanted her wedding to be an intimate event with close friends and relatives.