was talking to a bride to be and she said something that keeps bugging me. why?

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Member
13757 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Many societies it is customary to get married younger and have children younger, but from what you wrote, I cannot tell if you are talking about being young single parents or just young parents.

Member
5518 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d be bothered to hear its “part of mexican cultre” too.  Just because its common/acceptable does not mean its cultural.  Once upon a time girls married young almost across the board but life expectancy was lower too.  Things change.  I have several mexican friends that would likely find that comment insulting.

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1275 posts
Bumble bee

I work in a part of Philadelphia where girls feel if they arent pregnant ( not married just pregnant) by 18 they are old maids.  I recently calculated my 18 year office assistant has a mother who is 18 years older than her, and her Grandmother is 20 years older than her mother.  At that rate you could be a great great grandmother by 70.

Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee

I come from a small town where girls pregnant in high school is no big deal. I, personally, didn’t want that for myself and don’t understand how either they or their parents can be okay with that situation but it’s not my life so whatever works for them!

Member
1436 posts
Bumble bee

I’m a little south of Mexico, in Central America. In the particular area where I live, lots of girls get pregnant in high school (13-18 years old). FI said at least one in his class each year that he was in HS. It’s still not considered ideal, and it definitely makes life harder. I don’t  think it’s something anyone strives to keep as a cultural tradition… its more a lack of education/preparedness/communication with these girls. I can’t speak for girls in Mexico, or anyone else for that matter… but unless they’re being courted at 13 and married at 14, I doubt a baby at 15 is in most people’s plans.

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929 posts
Busy bee

I live in an area of Illinois that is heavily populated by Mexican families and has been since the late 1800′s. My SO’s family is from Mexico and he grew up here. I know my SO would agree that the “babies having babies” phenomenon of girls having kids in their teens is somewhat particular to lower income areas in Mexican culture where people are less educated.

A lot of it has to do with lack of contraception education and availability due to extremely religious families. And then, over time, it just becomes normal in these communities. Also, Mexican culture is very family oriented. Babies are considered blessings, pretty much no matter what.

We’re moving away from this area because we don’t want our future kids to think any of this is healthy or normal. The high schools are full of pregnant girls that are not taught there’s anything wrong with it because their mothers and grandmothers did the same thing. Kids are impressionable. I would hate for any of my future kids to think of this as normal or an option.

The short answer is that sometimes “a cultural thing” isn’t always a good thing.

Member
988 posts
Busy bee

@RedAngelDreamer:  agree! My Mexican grandmother got married at 14 and had 15 kids. I’m glad that tradition is less common now and sad that it occurs at all. She didn’t have an education beyond the 3rd grade and she had a very hard life. 

Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

@RedAngelDreamer:  This almost exactly except I’m the Mexican one in the relationship. I couldn’t explain it any better than this.

 

Member
271 posts
Helper bee

@retreadbride:  I live outside of philadelphia and i’ve been around individuals with the same mentality. For some reason, there’s a big rush to have children despite some women (or girls I should say) even being able to take care of them fully.

Member
335 posts
Helper bee

In my hometown, teenage pregnancy is fairly common, but more often than not it’s, as lanalnoco said, a lack of education or preparedness. Stuff like that bothers me too. I’m not going to say that a teenage parent is automatically a shitty parent. I have several friends who became parents early and are doing an amazing job. But I definitely don’t want to encourage it. 

Member
29 posts
Newbee

Being a mexican myself, I can say that it is NOT a culture thing … at least not where I’m from. I got pregnant at 18 and was so ashamed of myself, I hid it for weeks. I couldn’t even bring myself to tell my mom. I felt I owed the world to her after she found out because I felt I had done something that shamed my entire family. To this day (it’s been 11 years, I’ve gradutated from college, have a stable career, and my kid is a straight A student!) my extended family talks about how I was the first and only in the family to have done such a shameful thing. I don’t think they’ll ever get over it.

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