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School, money, age, other?
I have a feeling my BF is waiting for me to graduate college. He is older, has a good job, and is financially stable, so I think that's the only thing in my way. :0[ errr.....
Age. We were high school sweethearts, so we wanted to put some time on our relationship before we got married. I don't regret anything we did and honestly, if I HAD to, I could have waited longer. But I am excited to be getting married now, young or not!
Mine told me that I had to finish grad school first. And apparently my mom made it clear to him too that it would be much better if I finished first. Funny thing was he didn't propose until a year after I finished grad school, but that was also because we both had to relocate. At my graduation party he made an announcement to thank everyone for coming and to congratulate me, and everyone thought he was going to propose! But when he finally did it was great, we went on a trip to Hawaii and he completely surprised me. It was all worth the wait!
Our situation is unlike most other people our age. It all evolved around my FIL. My hubby took my FIL in nearly 5 years ago for health reasons but it doesn't stop there. He dad is a mess, literally and figuratively and can make people go insane and I am not kidding about that. He is not really a clean person but also he has a past that is so hard to look past.
This man can literally drive any normal woman away from my hubby. So my hubby needed to make sure that I was ready for it ALL. Because even though I would be marrying him, I had to be tough skinned to look past his father and see him for who he is and take comfort in knowing that he will NEVER be like his father. So when we weren't getting engaged, I had thought it was all about the money but it was never that. We moved in together Sept of '08 and got engaged Dec. '08. His words were " I was such a trooper" and he believed I was ready to take on this challenge.
DH was waiting to graduate medical school. He proposed a few mos after he started working.
We waited for me to graduate college (i was 22) AND he was deployed. And he wanted to use his tax-free paycheck to buy me a bigger ring by waiting until 8 months into said deployment. He literally said, "i can buy you a small one now, but if you wait until I get back, I'll buy you whatever you want". I said, "eh, i'll wait 8 months but I'll start planning now!" =]
He wanted to see if we could live together without killing each other. He bought the ring when we moved into our house, but didn't propose until 9 months later.
We are waiting for annulments, so we can be married in the Catholic Church. If it weren't so important to us to be married in the Church, we would have been married already. Sometimes, I am still temped to forget all about the Church wedding and just go get it done...but I know we'd both regret that later, so we are still waiting...
EDIT: I just realized I read the question wrong. There was no delay in the proposal. He proposed after a few months of dating. We have a delay on the wedding date. Oops!
We would have been engaged last winter if it weren't for money. I think he was worried about distracting me from my final semester too.
Well for us it was a combination of a few of the above. We just bought a house together and we had bills to pay off because of that! The first year of owning a house is said to be the toughest!...I think its more like the first two years are the toughest!! Then within a year of buying our house we both lost our job(thankfully at differnt times!) So we had a lot more bills to pay off then we had orginally planned on! Bills are the worst!!!!!!!!!
He was waiting until I was done with school. He proposed right before my last semester. When we get married, I will be graduated :)
He also delayed the proposal by a few weeks because he was afraid I suspected it was coming (which I did!).
Money and age. We felt ready to get engaged right at 18, but didn't want a 4 year engagement, and didn't want to get married before we graduated from undergrad. Which is tied into the money part - being financially independent as a married couple is very important to us, and R's parents still help him with finances. (He works for it, but he's the best paid CNA there!) - no way could we afford even one year of the tuition on what we make right now, because we go to a private school, and though we both have scholarships and I have financial aid and loans, we'd still end up paying about $40,000 combined for a year.
I guess it was sort of school, but not really so I put other. We both graduated last year but he's working on getting his CPA (Chartered accountant). He wanted to wait until he was done with all of the tests, but ended up proposing sooner than that. We compromised by having a long engagement so we won't actually have to stress about the wedding until he's done the tests. So I guess maybe there really wasn't anything that put it on hold... lol.
We had talked about getting engaged and were going to wait until FI got his trade license which was supposed to be in 2008 so we figured we'd get engaged in 2009 so he would have a little time to save when he was making more money. But since he ended up getting his license in the end of 2007 we started looking at rings in 2008 and got engaged that summer.
It's tough for me knowing that school is the only think in the way of him asking me. I mean, I know it's going to happen, but it's the waiting part that's literally killing me. So when I DO graduate I'm going to be so dang excited to graduate AND get engaged.
Misunderstanding!
We had a discussion in October of 09 where we both said we were ready to commit... but then he changed the subject and we never talked about it again.
I brought it up again in December of 09, and he said that back then, he thought I was saying I was NOT ready; so he dropped the subject - to talk about CARS (what a way to end a romantic moment!)... So when we sorted it out, we got engaged on the spot! We went to buy a ring 3 days later because we were visiting my parents and we wanted to tell them by showing the ring.
I guess you could say FI was scared. there is a lot of divorce in his family (mine too) and it was hard for him to get his head around marriage. I did have to step in and push him as I've admitted on several other threads and he thanks me for it to this day.
Him just not being "ready yet"... we both come from still-married parents and both of us have never been married ourselves so it was no specific fear of divorce per se, I think more of a maturity issue. Even though he's in his early 30s, many of his friends are not married. I wanted to be engaged about 6-12 months before we actually were. If I hadn't "pushed" it probably would have been delayed at least another year or so.
School. I didn't even bring up marriage, really, until I was in my last year and had a job offer waiting for me. We did have to work through some of FI's issues with marriage due to his divorce and terrible parental role models, but we got engaged the day I graduated.
Health.... My FH had the ring made and had given it to my Mom to hold last February. He had planned to propose on a family cruise we were scheduled to go on, however, he was diagnosed with cancer, which led to surgeries and chemo and radiation....
Of course, although I had though a lot about marriage prior to his diagnosis, it wasn't on my mind at all when he proposed - I was just focused on getting him well!
He will take his last radiation treatment 2 days before our wedding in April.
@Libra, :( I hope his health is good and that he's able to not be too tired to fully injoy your wedding day. :(
His family. His parents don't like my family background (there's some drug/alcohol/etc. abuse in my family, but not me,) and they didn't want him to be with me. It delayed our engagement for over a year! My FI finally worked up the courage to stand up to his family and propose. They were *not* happy, to say the least.
@torybrian, good for him! I had that in my last relationship. I finally had enough of it and said to hell with this, "If you can't stand up to your mom now, then it will always be like this." Best decision I've ever made because now I have a wonderful BF that I want to marry.
FI had the ring for about 6 months and everytime he was planning to propose, someone would jokingly write on my facebook wall "congrats on the engagement!" because everyone was hoping we would get engaged. FI thought it would be cheesy and less fun if he proposed right after those posts on facebook so he waited he each time. It eventually worked out. haha!
I'm not engaged. BF and I have been dating for almost 2 years. we've been talking about marriage, we're deeply in love, we both want to get married someday.
One thing I've learned from BF is that men really place importance on doing things like marriage in their own time. For example, it's really important to BF that he be in a place where he knows what he's doing with his life (he's between jobs now) before he proposes. I KNOW this is a major factor in why he hasn't proposed yet, KNOW it.
...so I'm really hoping the economy picks up, stat.
For us it was a combination of age/school/money. We're very young and wanted to wait until we were a little older, and we both agreed that we didn't want to get married until at least one of us had graduated from college. He knew I didn't want an engagement longer than about a year and a half, so he was waiting until we were closer to my graduation!
For us, it was largely that FI wanted to have the ring ready when he proposed. I would have been happy to get engaged and get a ring much later, but he had always imagined what it would feel like to pop the question and slip the ring on my finger. Finding what we wanted took awhile and then getting it made took more time than expected as well. So that pushed things back quite a bit.
We could've gotten married earlier; however, there were things that we both wanted to accomplish before marriage.
We both wanted to be done undergrad (met the summer after Freshman year) and own a home. We moved into our house in the 2nd year of my masters degree (together 4 years).
After we were in the house for awhile I started to get the itch; however, money held us back for awhile as we were still single income due to me starting a PhD program right after my masters. And I finally got the proposal the summer after my first year in my PhD program :-) (been together 5.5 years)
I didn't want to be engaged for too long nor married long distance, so we had to wait until I was closer to finishing grad school. My younger sister got engaged right when we were planning to, so we waited a couple more months so as not to steal too much of their thunder.
Too bad there is no multiple choice :)
Between finishing school, looking for work, the economy(ugh!), buying a house and oh yeah raising our son, getting "wedding'd"* wasnt all that high on our to-do list.<br /><br /> <br /><br />*weve been engaged for a really long time, the initial proposal was put off due to life; though were not married, weve been living/acting like a married couple for years now, just haven`t jumped through the legal hoops nor the traditional celebratory hullabaloo yet.
EDIT::sorry for comment wonkiness; haven`t even touched any of the HTML/text buttons today but they still get posted silly. D:
I said other because we don't fit any of those...
We had been talking about getting engaged for a good few months and we had some pros and cons, but they really didn't factor at all.
Pros were he was working and had more than enough for the ring so finances and stability were there, we had a house, and even though we were LD, we lived together at different points (one being when we were talking and then got engaged.)
Cons were I was still in still in school (ha still am, 6 yr plan) and we were LD.
Like I said, though, those didn't matter at all. He actually made me sweat it out lol because he really just wanted to do it on his terms and not when it would work or fit. For example, on dates or weekends that I was sure he would or thought would be perfect (ie Valentine's and Christmas or special dates). I think we also talked about when we would way too much and he wanted to do it when he wanted and when he could take me by surprise. And he did and it was perfect!
We were still in school when we started dating, so we were waiting until after graduation, then he had to find a job and save up enough to buy the ring, and then find time to propose. The time part was a pretty big issue since at the time I was working every single day and evening, so he proposed on our first weekend together and alone.
we were technically other, but we agreed a long time ago that we would get married one day, just took the time in making it official.
we moved in together 3 and a half years ago, but we had a house mate, who was one of our best friends, but being engaged, or married or kids or anything while sharing a house. so we kind of unconciously waited until we got our own place, and we started seriously discussing marriage and children, so it took til february when he finally decided to do it! after nearly 7 years of dating!
i didnt mind the waiting, it made sure it was the right time for us.
School for me, he was waiting to see where I would end up with grad school.
Time off for both of us, our professions are not great about allowing for a personal life, let alone time off.
Money, we wanted to be able to afford a really kick-ass honeymoon! And waiting helped us be able to afford the many, many unseen wedding costs that popped up along the way that we ended up being responsible for.
For us its a combination of money and school. We can't work much with school, so the money just isn't there. Our family wouldn't be too happy if we got married in undergraduate years, so we are just waiting and growing together...
But we only have one year left and I know its comming before then!
My FI is a seasonal worker so they wouldn't give him a loan until he started work again. He tried every bank our town had to offer, he wasn't to happy about it!!
I just wanted a proper ring. And to be together for what I felt was "long enough" -until I was 100% sure. But he wanted to marry me since he first saw me. He came right over and introduced himself. He was the only one at my new school that did that. Walked right over and shook my hand. :)
We waited a while because we had to wait for FI to graduate from basic training. He decided right before he left that he wanted to propose and mentioned it to me. We were together for 3 years before that, since high school.
We planned a long engagement (17 months!) because of school and work. I'm finishing my bachelors and he had to finish his military training program and spend a while doing some training at his permenant duty station.
Im an other. There wasnt a delay because I sure as heck didnt know it was coming! I always thought in the future because he is 3 years younger than me and while I was sure, I wasnt sure that he was sure..(if that makes sense) hence once he asked I made sure the wedding was more than a year away so that he knew thats what he wanted. I didnt want him making any 'regret' or jumping in to soon. We had been going out 18 months by then.
FH and I would have been engaged a year before we were, but he lost his job about two weeks before he went to put the money on the ring (he went looking, but then lost his job). I didn't even know this until we got engaged!
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