Was this rude?? Double Dates, & follow up..

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Um.  So you basically don’t want to be her friend, right?

Post # 5
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@MrsBtoBe14:  It sounds to me like you don’t want to be her friend. So there’s that… But I have to ask, have you made an effort to call her or inquire about her life? I only ask because if not, then you can’t be mad since you basically did the same thing to her. If you did make an effort and it was ignored, then ok, I get it more. Either way, she doesn’t sound too much like someone you really want in your life. So I would just keep distance and back away from the friendship and let it fade away over time.

Post # 7
Member
6505 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsBtoBe14:  why does it matter that she is roommates with your BM? I also am curious if you made an effort to contact her at all? Either way, it sounds like you don’t want to be friends anymore so just let it go and tell her you can’t make the double date.

ETA: saw you just answered my questions. I don’t know why you’re so worried about your BM. Just let this “friendship” die.

Post # 9
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

If you don’t really like her or want to be her friend (or get back to being friends with her), then it doesn’t matter what you say. You aren’t trying to salvage a relationship.

I wouldn’t be friends with a flake either.

Post # 10
Member
4215 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Why don’t you just be up front and tell her that you’re no longer interested in having a friendship?

Post # 12
Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m not getting the point about bridesmaid being a roommate with this girl, as far concern as long as you are repectful and calm, you can put up boundaries with this girl. I think you are making a bigger deal then it has to be. 

I do think out of respect  for your bridesmaid you should not speak to her about roommate, and the advice I would give  her is say hey I don’t want to be invovled this situatiion if roommates brings it up.

Clearly you don’t want to be friends with her, and just say in a tactful way, hey roomate in the last year and half you been distant and I’m really busy right now with things going in my life and I don’t have the time or desire to get into or resume our previous friendship.Then don’t engaged with her and let it go. Unless you gusy are immature or drama llama that should be the end of the situation.

The only thing I have to add is I have friends who do the same, and while it’s annoying I don’t completely always throw away the relationship because they were in lalaland with their new partner.

 

Post # 13
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

You don’t have to be friends with both girls (this friend and your BM). I was not friends with all my former roommates’ friends. Don’t give in and invite her to the wedding anymore. If the BM says anything, just ask her to stay out of it. It’s not between you, the BM, and the “friend.” It’s just between you and the “friend.”

I think you handled the situation as well as you could.

Post # 14
Member
4215 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsBtoBe14:  Sorry, I don’t see why you have to be friends with this person just because she lives with another friend of yours. If your other BM turned on you because of this persons influence, well, screw ’em both frankly. 

Post # 15
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

IMO, you don’t have to be friends with this girl just because your BM is, that’s silly.  But there is no point in making enemies.  Just be polite and friendly when you do see her.  That’s all you can really do if you aren’t interested in being close with her.  I have an acquaintance that is very close with one of my best friends. We both met this acquaintance at the same time and all got together frequently.  She and I just didn’t click or have much in common, so we don’t try to have a separate friendship anymore, it just kind of fizzled between us.  We see each other in social settings because of our common friend and have fun together and catch up a little then.  I will usually send her a text after I see her and say that it was great to see her, had fun, etc.  She’s a perfectly nice girl, but we aren’t close and that’s fine with both of us.

Now if you try to keep it friendly but distant and this girl continues to complain about you, then you need to have a talk with her about it.  Don’t put your BM in the middle.  Just say that you are sorry you’ve grown apart but that you don’t have any ill feelings towards her, sometimes it happens, and you are happy that you get to see her every so often because you are both close with BM, and you know you both love her.  It sounds like she is causing drama because she’s insecure about something.  It doesn’t sound like she is genuinely trying to rekindle the friendship, but maybe she is scared that BM will become distant or she will lose other friends, too.  If she continues to be dramatic after that, then there isn’t anything you can really do except try not to put your BM in the middle.  I think time will work it out.

Post # 16
Member
6505 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsBtoBe14:  I’m still not understanding why you’re so worried about your BM. If she truly cuts you out of her life because of this she isn’t a friend. You shouldn’t stay friends with someone just because you’re scared that your other friends will stop talking to you.

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