- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
So backstory…I live with my FI and future in-laws. FI has a job, but he just started so he’s bottom of the food chain, and we’re getting married in October. We’ve been together 4 years, but spent 1.5 of that apart while we both looked for permanent employment (we met in grad school but are from different states). He’s living with the parentals to save money to buy a house, and the town we live in is sort of small and not conducive to finding work (especially in my field). So we had a deadline for me joining him, and it came and went without employment, so his parents offered to let me live here. They are kind, welcoming, and terribly generous. They are also hoverers who really enjoy having us here and smother us. And are pretty outspoken about their beliefs, which has made things uncomfortable on more than one occasion. They’re very controlling, so things like where we go to church have been big problems. We’re abiding by all their rules – we have separate bedrooms and we stay in them.
So yesterday it was FI’s birthay. My continued unemployment made it difficult for me to give him much, and I know he doesn’t care, but it was important to me to contribute. So we decided to have a family party, fully endorsed by his parents, and I spent hours coming up with menus for the day and cute Super Bowl themes. I discussed it with them, but little things kept being changed until I was responsible for a single dish. It was quite a hit, and I recovered from the hurt even though it felt very much like Mommy asserting control. She’s made comments about how hard it was not to be there for his birthday in college and grad school, how seeing him get married will be sad because he’s her baby, etc. She does his laundry, buys his groceries, etc. We’ve talked about it, but it’s really her more than him. It’s hard to argue with them, and sometimes it frankly doesn’t seem worth it.
So, finally getting to the point…today FMIL had lunch at home and said she wasn’t feeling well (sick to her stomach). Well, eating chili and hot dogs and dip sometimes does that to you! I didn’t think much of it. Then my future brother-in-law (also lives here), came home and said his girlfriend threw up last night. They had this conversation within earshot of me, and everyone started talking about how maybe it was my food and that they better start calling everyone. So they called everyone at the party to find out if anyone was sick. Well, BIL’s girlfriend also drank heavily the night before and drank at the party, and I was fine, FI was fine, brother-in-law was fine, and FFIL was fine. But we loudly discussed how the food may have given ‘everyone’ food poisoning, and proceeded to call everyone at the party to make sure they weren’t sick. First, overreaction to two illnesses out of 6 people who ate the same thing. My question is…was this rude of them to do? I was really, really hurt by it. I had a long, stressful day and had been home for 20 minutes before there was a loud conversation about whether I got everyone sick and phone calls to all the party guests. I know it wouldn’t necessarily have been my fault; sometimes food is bad and there’s not much way to know. But I kept raw meat separate, washed all the vegetables and cooked the food for over an hour (chili).
I’m probably being crazy, but it really hurt my feelings. If I felt ill from a restaurant, of course I’d tell them – they may be using contaminated ingredients and need to know. If something happened here, maybe something I bought was bad. Maybe more likely, there’s a bug going around. My family all caught it once within 24 hours of each other without ever eating the same thing. If I was concerned that perhaps leftovers ought to be tossed or that something had gone wrong, I’d quietly take the person aside and explain that several people felt ill. But it was 2 out of 10 total who ate it, and I just felt humiliated. I’m sort of paranoid about salmonella and e.coli, so I spent hours googling the likelihood of giving my FI’s family food poisoning. Oy. I just felt like talking loudly within my earshot and then phoning people in front of me was really uncomfortable and uncalled for. That said, I am having a hard time and feeling extra sensitive; another time I would let this sort of thing go. I discussed it with FI and he doesn’t see the problem, though, and regardless of whether I overreacted, I feel it was handled incorrectly! Thoughts? Would you run straight to someone and tell them you think their food is making people sick?