Post # 1
For anyone who read my last post about my grandparent-in-laws, you’ll know the long story. Here’s the short story.
We’ve had a complicated relationship with GIL’s, but have recently decided to just forget about it and deal with who they are. Well, when we originally were planning our wedding, GIL’s offered to pay for it. Like, they just straight up offered. Unsolicited. They asked to meet with us, my mom, and his parents to discuss details. Well, when we told them we wanted to get married in Jamaica at a very small ceremony and reception, they didn’t want to pay any longer. I think they looked at it like eloping, even though it wasn’t. OK, no big deal. We found another way to pay for it, and the deal was done.
Well fast forward to now, my Future Sister-In-Law and my BIL are getting married next month. They have already selected the same ceremony site and reception site that we had originally picked before switching to Jamaica. The reception site is a barn owned by Grandpa-in-law. We asked Future Sister-In-Law and BIL how planning was going, and Darling Husband made a jokey comment like “Hope it’s going better for you than for us… Grandpa can be a little crotchety sometimes!” and Future Sister-In-Law said “Well, we haven’t ASKED THEM FOR ANYTHING. So maybe that’s why they’re being nice to us.”
OK – number 1, just for the record, we never asked for expected anything of them. Well, except to use the barn when we originally planned our wedding. But then, they’ve obviously asked them for that too, since that’s where they’re having their reception.
Number 2, isn’t that just plain rude? Darling Husband and I were very offended, and caught totally off-guard. Future Sister-In-Law can be very *direct* but usually isn’t outright rude like that.
So, was this rude or are we just being sensitive because of the other family issues we’re having?
Post # 3
She was either being rude and assuming you asked them to pay for some expensive destination wedding (which you didn’t). Or she was just saying they didn’t ask for anythig and maybe haven’t been offered anything and that the GIL’s aren’t being grumpy.
I would just let it go. Either way, let her think whatever she wants, it doesn’t make any difference. 🙂
Post # 4
Was it rude? Yes. Is it worth holding a grudge or causing a big stink? No. People are rude sometimes. Oh well. Roll your eyes and move on.
Post # 5
I think it was rude, but maybe she was misinformed? Maybe she was led to believe that you guys asked for your GILs to pay.
Post # 6
Definitely rude. I would inform her of the facts, beause she probably doesn’t know.
Post # 7
@adoc86: Yeah, we kind of thought about that. Possibly the gossip was something like we had asked for that. Ugh, IDK. I kind of just want their wedding to be over so the competition can be done! By The Way, is GIL a thing? Haha, I just went with it and hoped people knew what I meant! 🙂
Post # 8
Maybe they didn’t think your DH’s comment about crotchety GILs was a joking comment, so they were trying to correct your DH’s rudeness.
Post # 9
@QueenOfSerendip: Also, where did you get married in Jamaica? That’s our plan too 🙂
Post # 10
@BoxerLady: We got married at Couples Negril! We spent a week there, and then a few days at Swept Away. It was beautiful! I highly, highly recommend it. It couldn’t have been more perfect. Definitely PM me if you’re thinking of Couples and I can give you details!
Post # 11
It was rude of her to say anything, but this might be a good time to think about how things look to the GILs and the ILs in general. They might see it something like this “We offered to pay for their wedding here, on our property, but then they decided to go a much more expensive destination wedding, which is just plain taking advantage of our generosity, so we decided not to pay for it anymore.” I’m not saying at all that this is what they think, or that you did indeed try to advantage (bc I don’t think you did) but they might see it like this. It may have rubbed the ILs the wrong way. You might want to think about you and Fiance having a talk with GILs and the ILs in general to make sure there are no hurt feelings.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t read too much into it, just forget it and move on.
Post # 13
@QueenOfSerendip: That sounds rude. Of your Future Sister-In-Law. If it’s really nagging you, maybe it would be worth bringing up, but otherwise may not be worth it is you get along all the rest of the time and it’s the first time she’s ever offended. Who knows, maybe she’s really stressed about planning right now and it just slipped out.
Post # 14
@QueenOfSerendip: Yes, it was a little rude but a simple reply, of “Neither did we.” would have corrected her.
Plus, I have to say that despite your protestations to the contrary, you and your husband seem to have a chip on your shoulder about his Grandparents and what they’ve done for you vs. what they are or might be doing for his brother or others.
Your “jokey” comments probably communicate this and perhaps your FSIL was being defensive as you are. If your GIL’s give more to them than you, I can certainly understand why that would grate – but, your BIL and his fiance’ shouldn’t be hearing any griping about it from you – delivered in a “jokey” way or not – its not their fault.
Post # 15
Yeah clearly something got miscommunicated somewhere in the game of telephone. It was rude. But leave it alone.