wasn't invited to SO's Best Friends Wedding

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Initial thoughts: rude and cheap! I can’t imagine excluding our friends’ SOs.

Is it a space issue? Even if it is, it ain’t right. 

Post # 4
2139 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

What?! I really don’t get it. When you say none of the friends’ SO’s were invited, do you mean all the men are invited but not the females? Or are the friends male and female?

I’m so confused! Lol, but no matter your answer, that sounds messed up and I would be pissed.

Post # 5
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Ah, I’d be pissed too. I think your SO should ask actually. That’s just ridiculous of them. 

Post # 6
6951 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@nolapeanut:  Damn. I’m usually one to say you don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want and if you want to have a super intimate wedding, fine. But your BEST FRIEND’S LIVE IN GIRLFRIEND? I mean… that’s just not someone I would exclude. I mean, my best friend got married with just their parents & siblings…. and me & my SO. Sure, they didn’t really know my SO all that well, but I’m close to both of them so they both wanted me as their one friend there… and my SO comes with me, period. It wasn’t even a question. I actually thought maybe they wouldn’t have him (cause really, SO was 1/8th of the guestlist!) but my BFF didn’t even mention it- just started talking about him being there without me asking. 

Post # 7
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@nolapeanut:  the only thing i can think of is that they had a rule of no gf or bf.  just married couples.  at least you know it’s all gf and not just you.

it sucks but obviously they are having only a certain number of guests.  maybe their family alone filled up most of their guest list and had to control the numbers.  who knows. 

sorry.  your bf can always decline if he is offended.

btw, their age and occupation should have no bearing on their guest list.  you don’t know their financial obligations so this shouldn’t really be relevant.

Post # 8
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Are they doing engaged couples only?

Post # 9
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I invited everyone in a “serious” relationship. Basically, I didn’t want to invite “John Smith and guest”. But a live-in girlfriend would have been an automatic invite. But there were some people that it was harder to tell. Like my husband’s brother who had been dating his girlfriend for a couple months before we needed to send out invitations. Luckily we only had a few guests like this, so we just asked them if they wanted us to invite their gf/bf. Some said yes, some said no.

However, some people use different cut offs. Some say only those that are married. Some say that only those that are engaged/married. Some say only those that are living together/engaged/married. You get my point. 

And they may not know that you’re expecting to get engaged soon.

All that being said, I find it rude to not invite a year long live-in girlfriend. I would have your boyfriend call and ask if it you were missed by accident. On the one hand, they may say no, and then it’s super awkward. Or it may be that the guy (being a guy) just wasn’t really thinking things through and the girl didn’t realize how serious you two are. So I’d give them the benefit of the doubt. I had a good friend who called and asked if she could bring a date. I was inclined to say no, because I hadn’t met the guy, but she’s a really good friend (and threw our shower) so I said sure. They had only been dating about a month when we sent out invites, but it turns out he’s really awesome and they’re still dating! While it was awkward for her to ask, I’m glad she did because I simply didn’t know she was seeing someone seriously. 

Post # 10
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

How big is the guest list?

As someone who just put together a guest list merely a few weeks ago (over and over and over again), I can understand not wanting to invite the SO of everyone I’m inviting (which I didn’t). However, in your case, I would say it is quite rude. I’d feel a bit better about it considering no one else had an invite for a plus one. But I think anyone in the bridal party should be able to bring a significant other. Especially a bff of 15 years. Did you boyfriend ever ask him about it?

Post # 11
42117 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

“Social units” should be invited together. That includes married couples, engaged couples whether or not they live together, and couples who live together.

Clearly these two skipped any education about etiquette.

Post # 12
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I might have your SO ask Joe – particularly if he’s travelling for the wedding then I think it’s completely reasonable for him to ask about bringing you along.

They may extend an invatation on your SO’s request (it would be more than appropriate) and if they don’t  you can gracefully send your best wishes along to the couple and be sure to seat them at the childrens table or next to your most unpleasant family member if you invite them to your wedding! ^^

Post # 13
4819 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

that’s your SO and his friends issue thus he should bring it up. 

Post # 14
2323 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Are you friends with the couple yourself?  If not don’t feel bad, lots of people have a “no ring no bring” policy.  I imagine it prevents having awkward divisions between friends at varying levels of closeness – think “why did MrNolapeanut get to invite HIS girlfriend and I couldn’t invite mine?”  Guest lists can explode if everyone gets a +1, they must’ve decided to draw the line at engaged couples.  And it’s entirely possible your SO hasn’t discussed his plans to propose so Joe probably doesn’t know you’ll be engaged soon.  Now if your SO is a groomsman then that’s different, people in the bridal party should have a +1.

Post # 15
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@nolapeanut:  To be honest? Unless you were engaged or married or together for a significant amount of time if not the first two…I wouldn’t invite you either. Being engaged and getting engaged soon are two different things. 

You can’t invite the unengaged couple that has been together for 5 years and not invite the unengaged couple that has been together for 1. So they did just that. 

Post # 16
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@nolapeanut:  I think that’s rude! What’s their excuse? 

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