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My FI has a work event tonight, so I'm hanging out and watching Say Yes episodes that I've missed. There's a bridesmaid episode on right now and one of the girls in a party is in tears over a $250+ dress (she is the only mom in the group).
Having bought my share of insanely expensive bridesmaid dresses before (including a $450 dress I never wore again), I'm so, so worried about giving my bridesmaids a financial burden. My plan is to pick a color and tell the girls to get any J.Crew dress (knowing they go on sale frequently). I'm actually not asking one girl because she's having a tough time financially right now and I don't want to stress her out.
I'm wondering how much your bridesmaids are spending or will spend to be in your wedding?
I only had two and they are both single struggling moms. I wanted black bm dresses and their bodies are SO different, so I decided to let them pick out what best suited them and I paid for them myself. It ended up only costing me less than $100 because them both loved something that was on clearance - BONUS. We also paid for the guys suits and they got to keep them, so no BM or GM gifts - Double BONUS.
i'm watching the same episode, and i felt so bad for the girl. the girls dresses were on sale when they bought them from the boutique and i bought the shoes. the dresses were 119 dollars. i bought them jewelry, and they are paying for their own hair and make-up. we also paid for their rooms during the wedding weekend, so i'm estimating that they are paying around $300 for everything (i'm including the gas money *estimate* to get from florida to tennesee, as they are car pooling.)
@Jeannine @ Small Chic: I'm watching that same episode! I was feeling so bad for that girl. My BM dresses are $114-$126. We're using Alfred Sung and ordering them from Netbride very soon. Their shoes were $52, so they're all spending less than $200 on attire. They are all having to travel to our wedding, so I tried to keep the attire cost down as much as possible. I think they're happy with it!
Do brides typically pick shoes? I'd love a uniform look, but made shoe flowers out of chiffon to add to whatever they wear. I have to admit that. Think it's super cute when the shoes match.
@Jeannine @ Small Chic: I picked the shoes because they're yellow, and I wasn't sure how it would look if they didn't match. The color of the dresses match, but they each have a different style dress.
@heather5743:How did you approach them with that? Did they agree? Did you know they'd be okay with the style?
I tend to wear higher heels than my friends (but lower heels than most gouged girls...I'm in my 30s). I'd love to pick the shoes. I'd even try to pay for them...but I'm worried about fit/comfort.
@Jeannine @ Small Chic: BTW, I love the shoe poms you made, wish I would have seen them before I got married. Those were absolutely adorable. I think they bring absolute unity to the different shoes.
@tksjewelry:Aw, thanks! I might give a pair away on my blog since I made some extras. :)
Mine were $154 and they all had the same dress. They could wear whatever shoes they wanted (another reason for long dresses). Hair and make up were up to them--I didn't require it. In my BM days, I refused to pay more than $200. After that, they could pick whatever they wanted. I always threatened to make them wear those dresses in my wedding. They were afraid when I got engaged. Very afraid.
I felt bad for that girl too, but if it's that much of a problem why did she agree to be in the wedding?
I'm trying to be as little a financial burden on my BMs as possible. I got them to buy a J Crew dress while it was on sale (and with a 30% off coupon) that cost $98. The only other thing I am planning on having them buy are $28 boots. A bunch of them also want to split on hair styling and lodging (for the night of our wedding, we're paying for their stay the night before). I plan on buying them a necklace and a shawl as gifts that they can wear the day of aswell.
@Jeannine @ Small Chic: I started sending them pictures of what I liked. I asked them what they thought about wearing yellow heels. One girl said she didn't want super tall heels because she's already tall and felt like she would tower over me.
I ended up just ordering a bunch of heels and they tried them on. I told them what I really liked, and they all agreed. The heels are 2.5in so it's really not that high. They all said they are really comfy, so I think that helped too.
I love how all these ladies are watching the same show at the same time! The bride mentioned that she understood the friend's situation to the other BM. Maybe it would have been tactful for her to have discussed the finances with the BM before the trip to the store--would have been less uncomfortable for everyone there.
Then the staff proceeded to point out how they don't like the brides who want to have everyone in different style dresses....they're gonna love me when it comes time for that! :)
OMG - just looked back up....what's up with the flowery chiffon thing for Brooke's wedding???!!!! They look like frosted cupcakes!
I have yet to watch that version of Say Yes. I'll have to check it out.
I can't imagine having my BMs pay a ton for a dress that they'll never wear again. It's pointless in my eyes.
I did the same thing through J. Crew.
It's a really nice option to give them because J. Crew frequently puts bridesmaid styles on clearance; one of my girls that is in college scored her dress for $35 because she bought one in the color I requested on Final Sale. Another one of my BMs with more money chose to pay $200 for a dress because she figured she would wear it again after the wedding, but she still had the option to go a cheaper route if she had chosen to do so.
I will give you one piece of advice, though: The silk chiffon dresses are a slightly different shade than the other dresses. So you may want to ask them to only choose chiffon or not choose chiffon at all...
@brideatbeach:Thanks! I'm near the J Crew headquarters, so I can sometimes get the bridesmaid dresses at a factory sale for a good price. I would love for them to wear the blakely or the one with the up-turned bow...but they dontave my color right now. :(
I had 2 BMs and we made their dresses. They cost them $50 in materials. I told them I wanted them in black peep-toes. My BM wore some she already had, my MOH used it as an excuse to buy more shoes and spent $50 on shoes. I bought their jewelry as part of their gift and they each spent about $75 on hair and makeup. Plus, my MOH fronted about $150 for my bridal shower. So....
MOH total: ~$325
BM total: ~$175
I had to replace a bridesmaid last minute, so that it why my BM didn't contribute to the bridal shower.
Love that show!
We had a pretty casual wedding so it wasn't a huge deal to me. I just told them something with flowers and pink. My MOH got her dress on sale at JC penny for $30, and my bridesmaid got hers at Anthropologie for $115, but my mom paid for it (she's my SIL).
Side note: this episode of Say Yes Atlanta has me sobbing like a baby! I don't know why...
That episode had me torn: it kind of seemed like any bridesmaid dress was going to cause a problem financially for that particular bmaid so I'm not sure that she should have committed. As far as my bridemaid dresses, I'm trying to stay at the David's Bridal budget but I'm really not digging any of the dresses right now. I love the look of jcrew dresses but even those prices break my heart.
I really don't want to make my girls spend more than $150. I don't even mind the look of mismatched and non-bridesmaid dresses (I'm getting married on the beach, we're looking for laid-back here) but my girls ASKED for more specifics than just a color, length, and "feel" (beachy/informal/casual)
I am asking my 2 BMs to choose their dresses together in the same color/fabric/length. Once they pick the dress, I am surprising them with $100 each to help with the costs. They are also picking whatever shoes they want (both have really cute personal style and I'm sure the shoes will be great). I got a really great deal on hair and makeup, so I am paying for both of them, and buying their jewelery too. Both my BMs are hard working women, and I don't want my wedding to be a burden to them.
I'm having my girls wear any non-satin, cocktail length, not to cleavagy grey dress of their choice, plus any yellow shoes they want. They range in shape/size in a BIG way so I dont even want to deal with finding something everyone likes, nor do I want to dictate how much they have to spend. Totally up to them, and I might throw them some cash to help offset the costs.
@KristenGotMarried: My bridesmaids also wore mismatched grey cocktail dresses that they picked out, and they looked awesome!
I didn't really feel bad for the girl, she knew that she would have to pay for a bridesmaid dress when she agreed to be one. If I had four children AND was struggling financially I wouldn't of said yes. I think she caused a scene for nothing, she should of just pulled the bride aside instead of making everyone feel bad because she was the only one who couldn't afford it.
The most I ever paid for a BM dress was 350. I guess I can see where she is coming from about paying so much for a dress you don't even like though, because man.. this is one ugly dress. Unlike some people on that show though I sucked it up, whatever makes the bride happy.. but I feel like I'm going to prom again! hhahaha
When asked to be in a wedding you should already know that it is going to be expensive! As the bride I made sure not to choose anything to expensive and all of the girls are picking their own shoes...why spend money on a pair of shoes that you will never wear again. The dress is a different story I personally do not care for mismatched dresses in a wedding, but that's just me. I'm not even picky about hair or makeup. I am purchasing the jewelry and will be giving very nice gifts.
Bottom line if you can not afford it do not agree.
That was such a difficult episode to watch, as I felt for both the bride and the bridesmaid. I do feel that a conversation prior to going shopping would have been more prudent, as it would have saved the bridesmaid from being in such a difficult position. In all of the weddings I have been part of, the bride has been kind enough to buy the dresses for her maids. I did the same thing for my wedding, and lucked out as we found dresses we all liked for under $40 on clearance. I think that as a bridesmaid, I would much rather be "gifted" with the dress than an actual gift. While it is a honor to be part of someone elses special day, the whole process of being a bridesmaid is expensive enough without having to shell out $250+ for a dres you may or may not ever wear again. I think that it is far more important to continue our friendship than end up having all the maids in my ideal dresses.
My FI's groomsman is actually a chick, so he went with her to dress shopping. When she found a dress at $190 and her face fell because she couldn't afford it, he called me to ask if he could pay half. In doing so we also paid half for the moh dress too($120) to be fair. The best part is that they ARE dresses they can re-wear being a more casual look to the wedding. I'm also paying for the moh's hair to be done and the grooms-maid's makeup.
my girls spent $180 with the exception of my tall bridesmaid who had to buy an extra length one for $200. I am having long dresses. I know it's expensive, but what are you going to do?!?!
I've always paid between $150-400 on bridesmaid dresses - which I think is a lot. However, I've never had to buy shoes or accessories. I was either told to wear what I want in a certain color or was given these as gifts. For my bridesmaids (2), I told them to find a long blue (colbalt) dress in whatever fabric or style they like. Hopefully it works out! I'm a bit nervous about them matching, but this is easier than trying to please both of them!
Oh - and I have never reworn a bridesmaid dress! There is one (an Amsale dress) that I could cut off and wear but I haven't gotten around to it!
My girls just ordered their dresses on Thursday! And I love them! =)
*Of course these are only samples and not their sizes.
The dress will be Charcoal Satin and they got it for $99 + $20 OFF! =) AWESOME!
My goal looking for Bmaid Dresses was no more than $150! I really loved shopping/looking at Nordstroms, but ultimately liked this simplistic style by Alfred Angelo.
my girls are spending between 175-225 on their dresses. this seems pretty standard in the weddings in my area.
they can spend any strappy gold shoes they want (hopefully they already have some).
hair and makeup is definitely optional, but i'll be having someone come to the hotel to do it if anyone wants to get it done.
in order to help out with costs, my bridesmaid gifts are a night at the hotel before the wedding. i'm getting a couple rooms for us all to stay in to cut down on their expenses. i'm also surprising them with a masseuse coming to the hotel after the rehearsal dinner. i hope they will like this and not see it coming!
My preferance for my BM's is spending a MAXIMUM of not more than $150 for the dress. I'm leaning towards those converatable dresses on Esty, that average about $100. I simply can't justify causing an additional financial stress for the "honor" of being in my wedding. Ideally, if my financial situation improves I'd like to buy their dresses or perhaps cover the differance of anything over $100. I haven't been in wedding in so long and I know for me anything over $150 will have me looking at you like your crazy. Times are hard and spending that much money on a one time dress isn't cute. I'm not a Kardasian LOL.
My dresses were $125, plus tax. I gifted them jewelry and pashmina wraps, and they could wear whatever shoes they wanted. I tried to make them as inexpensive as possible, which was hard for a December winter wedding, since we opted for long dresses.
We discussed the prices ahead of time and agreed that if I fell in a love with a dress that would be more than $150, I would pay the difference. We ended up with Alfred Sung dresses that cost $125 each, so lucky me!
My dresses were $200 each, but I knew all of my girls could afford that before I picked them out (2 have good jobs, and 1 is in grad school but has wealthy parents who help her out). If I knew it would be a burden on them, I would have limited myself to cheaper dresses.
I did save them money by letting them wear whatever shoes and jewelry they wanted (the dresses were floor-length), and I gifted them pashminas and flip flops. My mom paid for their hair. So really the dress was their only wedding party expense (if they wore shoes/jewelry that they already had).
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