Post # 1
So last night I guess I sort of had a break down. Mr. Tal has been gone off and on for the past 6 weeks, only home for a couple days at a time. Meanwhile, I’m home, doing summer classes, preparing for student teaching in the fall, packing up the apartment for our move, and doing wedding prep. I don’t have many friends, when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression last year, I kind of fell off the face of the earth and my "friends" were mad at me for it. That combined with how much I liked to have my boyfriend around, annoyed the hell out of them and we all had a falling out, and while we’ve patched it up somewhat we aren’t as close anymore. My one great best friend moved two hours away and is busy starting her new job. I’m lonely and stressed. I feel guilty because I’m unemployed and although I pay my portion of the bills with student loans, Mr. Tal is working hard and traveling to help pay for the wedding so we aren’t in debt. I love him for that I really do, but I feel stressed out a bit. I feel guilty because I feel stressed, I feel like I should take this share of the workload with grace, but it’s a lot. Packing up the apartment, school, wedding planning, and student teaching is a lot for me and I feel overwhelmed. More than that I miss having people around and feel a little stir crazy. Anyway, this all came out last night when Mr. Tal told me his arrival back home was postponed another day. I kind of lost it, I cried and really haven’t stopped since last night. I did eventually calm down enough to tell him that this is a lot for me to handle and I resent his job and his bosses for him being gone so much. I know what he’s doing is for us and for good, I just wish that I had help or could at least get out of the house a little bit more. I’ve gone and visited with my sisters and my mom and I have lunch a couple times a week, but it’s not the same as having a really good group of friends that I can call up and hit up a chick flick with. I guess it’s just a combination of things, my Fiance being gone, moving in less than a week, school, being lonely, I’m kind of just a mess this morning.
Sorry for the long post, I just needed to get my feelings out there and see if I could calm myself down a little bit.
Post # 3
You have so much going on, it’s hard to be serene all the time. All you can do now is cry it out, take a soothing bath if possible. I personally like to get my hair and nails done so I can get away from things for a while. Whatever helps you relax try to do it. Next you need to figure out how to prevent it from getting this bad again. You should have a nice talk with your FH when he gets back so you can work out a game plan on how to diffuse these situations. My husband and I did the same before the wedding. I was keeping annoyances and stresses to myself and then something slight would set me off. I learned that I had to stop putting so much on myself and that I needed to communicate my needs more effectively to him.
It will get better, I promise.
Post # 4
I’m sorry to hear that you’re having such a tough time right now. However, keep in mind that when you’ve got a history of depression and anxiety, stressors tend to hit you harder than most. You have to try to manage your stress early and find ways to combat it so that things don’t get worse. Do you see a therapist? If not, it might be worth it to try to do so, even in a limited setting. There’s usually community therapists that will provide sliding scale costs for people so that it helps with the financial issue. In addition, it might be worth it to check with your psychiatrist about adjusting the dose of your medications(if you’re on any…if not, consider starting since the stress will just get worse the closer the wedding gets) to help alleviate some of the feelings of being overwhelmed.
I tell my patients to find time to relax – whether it’s to listen to music, exericising(even if it’s just a walk around the block), healthy eating and sleeping, and reaching out to family and friends. Also, many people find journaling and writing down their feelings to be really cathartic.
If you are religious at all, it might also help to join some of the church-sponsored activities. Many of them will have weekly bulletins that list their various events and groups. It doesn’t have to be bible study…it could just be a weekly get-together. Do things that will get you out of the house for a little while every day.
Many larger cities nowadays also have "singles" groups that go out and do pre-arranged things together. I say "singles" because there are so many different interest groups out there that it isn’t a requirement that you’re single to participate anymore. Check online and see if there’s any in your area.
In any case, I wish you the best of luck. You can always come back to the hive for a little extra support!