Post # 1
This afternoon my fiance came over. As of today we have been together 2 years and 5 months. Well I know I have gained weight since we started dating, about 30lbs exactly. I am not the heaviest I have ever been in my life, but I am heading that direction. With being stressed about school, work, and many other things my body tends to pack it on. When I relax it goes away.
I admited what my actual weight was to my fiance and you know that look you get, that look of “holy cow what the heck ugh” sort of deal that is what i got. can you say instant tears! He is in hot water and he knows it right now. He knows I have never been a small girl, the smallest I’ve been is a size 14. I was a 16 when we started dating, I am up to an 18 right now. But that look I dont think I will ever be able to forget it. It broke my heart and he knows it. I’ve been doing everything I can to loose weight, and it is slowly working. I am just bummed out right now.
Post # 3
Sorry you are so bummed! Look at it this way–when I tell DH my “numbers”, he often looks at me like “WHAAAT?!??!” because it sounds really high to him. He’s shocked. It helps get it out there though and make me realize i’m not kidding myself. So i know “that look” you are talking about. But, here’s a spin on it–while the number may have freaked him out, at the same time it probably didn’t even register with him regarding how you look. So, maybe some of “that look” was just a shock of numbers, not a shock of looks, right? Sometimes numbers can be deceiving–even though I am tall when people find out my weight they’re just like “holy crap…that’s up there”. Why yes, thanks.
All you can do is watch what you eat, work out, and not stress. Hot bath? =]. Just tell him you want his encouragement, not his negative judgement. 30 pounds will come off slowly, but in a few months as long as you are dilligent about it. Slow and steady is better than melting it off so quickly it bounces right back on. Does your FI have some weight to lose too? Could you do it together? It’s always easiest to avoid junk food if he’s not eating it. I’ve officially banned chips and junk from the household, much to his dismay, simply b/c i don’t have any willpower. Can you use his negative energy to encourage yourself? Sort of an “i’ll show you” attitude? I gained a bunch of weight after a surgery last december and I got poked at a lot by him–he kept playing with my belly fat. Gross. I always reminded myself when i was at the gym how much it sucked to just be poked at like a lab rat, like he was measuring how deep he could jab a finger in! I just used it for positive energy even tho it really sucked
Try not to take it so harshly–I’m sure he just never thought that number was you! Because obviously he sees more than a number. Guys don’t quite get how sensitive women are about theri weight all the time, either. Big hugs! Stick with it. =]
Post # 4
((hugs)) as usual i complete agree with ejs4y8… he may not even noticed and thought you’d gained about 5 pounds or something like that… or maybe he thought you were 120 when you started dating (they really have no idea) and was like wow what?!
Post # 5
I agree with the other posters who said that men have no idea how much their significant others weigh. I once asked my fiance how much he thought I weighed just by looking at me, and he guessed a number 30 lbs lower than I actually am!
When I told him the real number, his eyes popped out of his head. Don’t let it get to you, I’m sure your fiance’s reaction was NOT personal AT ALL. They just have no idea how a weight number looks when it’s on a body. If I asked my fiance “how much does a Great Dane weigh”, I’m sure he’d be way off with that number, too.
Your fiance fell in love with you, not the number of how much you weigh. Abstract numbers are difficult for anyone to picture.
Post # 6
ohhhhhh sending hugs because you feel so bad but please dont…. .. my hubby is totally clueless to how much i weigh. i lost 100lbs a few years ago and i looked at the pics and i said to him “why didnt you say something” and he said he didnt see it when he looked at me – see, men… clueless
Post # 7
*hugs* I know it sucks but please don’t let it get you down. I think the ladies here are really right – sometimes they have NO CLUE what we really weigh. He sees you and loves you and doesn’t think about that. He was probably assuming less so his surprise was just at the number, not at you. Silly boys…
Post # 8
i agree with the other ladies, guys really don’t know what weight looks like on a woman. also, everyone carries their weight differently so i never believe the charts that say you are supposed to weigh a certain amount.
Post # 9
I feel your pain. My number sounds astronomical and I hate to reveal it. I think these other ladies are right though, he just has no idea. The number you told him didn’t jive with the lovely girl he sees in front of him.
Post # 10
guys tend to be clueless about many things. and yet we still love them for some crazy reason.
i watched the biggest looser today, season premier, love that show. and there are 3 women all around my weight, all with amazing stories, and they are all near my age too. they have already taken on a bit of inspiration for me to get out there and push myself more.
my fiance has no idea about numbers i’m sure. many are bad at guessing that. and i am tall so that throws people off too. he was watching the show with me and some of the comments made me rip a strip right off him. he is a fit guy, and all things physical come easy for him so he just doesnt understand how hard it can be for the rest of us to loose weight, to get in shape, to not eat that cookie. not all of us are wired to go go go and pump that iron. not all of us love to run.
thank you ladies for all of the support *hugs*
Post # 11
*hugs* hope you start feeling better … I’m starting to understand weight loss is a slow, long, grueling process – and seriously, my SO gets that look when I tell him my weight (so do many other friends and family members actually) … some people just have no concept of how much you weigh vs. how much you look.
The biggest loser premier was great, wasn’t it?
P.S. I don’t even like to run …
Post # 12
I have not admitted my numbed to FI. Shortly after we were engaged we went to an aquarium. There was this big fish and the guy was telling us it weighed 130 lbs. FI was like, “WOW! That fish weighs more than I do!” I could only stare at him. He is a solid, muscular, tall guy. How is it possible he weighs less than 130 lbs? That puts me a good 30 lbs heavier than him 🙁
Post # 13
Oh, I”m sorry! 🙁 My FI knows to be very careful about “compliments” he gives me. I’m towards the bottom of the ‘weight scale’ for my height, but I’m very curvy so he has to be careful about how he compliments my assets. I also hate it when I put on an outfit and get a ‘deer in the headlights’ stare. That’s the worst! Why don’t you just say you hate it??!
Post # 14
Try not to focus on the numbers, your FI clearly loves you the way you are!!
I was at an amusement park a few months ago and did the game where they guess your weight. I stepped on the scale and when the kid saw my true weight he said “don’t hit me”, he had guessed that I was 40 lbs heavier than I actually am, 40 POUNDS!!!
Boys are clueless when it comes to numbers!
Post # 15
FWIW, I totally agree with the PP about men having NO concept of what women weigh. I asked my husband to guess my weight once and he guessed about 30 pounds lighter than what I actually am. I notice the same thing when I try to guess guy weights-like with athletes or the Biggest Loser contestants. I think because our bodies and muscle mass are so different, it’s hard to tell weights for people of the opposite sex.
However, whatever the number on the scale, I’m glad that you sound motivated to get healthier. I think that being healthy and happy are much more important than numbers on a scale. Hang in there! You can do it!