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My fiance and I just got engaged in August after dating on/off for the past 13 years. So exciting...
Just got the wonderful news that his sister got engaged over the weekend after dating her boyfriend of less than a year. She's previously been married..... Wonderful news??? NOT. I'm a little pissed and feel like they've "stolen our thunder". I only hope that they don't have the wedding close to ours..........
I just feel like something was taken away from us.... Sad. :(
Um, sorry. You get one day for your wedding, and other couples do not have to plan their lives around you. Also, length of time spent dating does NOT make another couple less worthy of being engaged or married.
I was frustrated when a few friends of mine got engaged after me but married before me but I realized that it's not a race and everyone deserves a special wedding (even if it's their second).
I dont get it. How have they stolen your thunder? Are you expecting everyone you are close to to hold off their engagements until a fixed time after your wedding?
On the flip side, would you hold off your engagement because someone else you know got engaged recently?
I think its exciting that someone you know is also getting married and will also be ready to talk about weddings constantly. You should enjoy this together because your not in competition and can even do things together!
As someone who dated my DH for more than 8 years before we got engaged, I definitely can relate to the frustration of having someone who has been dating for a shorter period of time than you getting engaged. However, you got engaged around 4 months ago-- it's not like they announced their engagement a week after yours or anything.
While it might be frustrating, I would focus on just trying to be happy for her, or at least not obviously displeased, which I am sure will just make his family upset. Everyone deserves to be happy and to get married (even for a second time). Now, if she announces her wedding is the same day as yours or starts going Single White Female on you and stealing your wedding dress or something, then I would say you can get upset.
Sorry dunky31, I don't get it. You've already had 4 months to enjoy being the center of attention. I absolutely agree with @Mrs Grape: that dating on/off (?) for 13 years doesn't give you any more of a right to be engaged than any other couple. I'm sorry if waiting for that long was hard for you, but that's not something you should take out on the newly engaged couple.
Please try to get some perspective. You'll be much happier in the long run if you can learn to let this go.
Agree with the other posters. You can't expect people to put their lives on hold because you are engaged and planning a wedding. And it's not as if they got engaged right after you...it's been 4 months!
Stole your thunder? How? You've been engaged for 4 months! Your 15 minutes of "fame" are looong over. If someone doesn't know about your engagement by now, they never will.
And, as I've said a million times before (and have read on here a million times), NOBODY cares about your wedding as much as YOU do.
Um yea, it was just a vent........geez. Hold the attacks. Thanks.
I'm sorry....I know how you feel. We can be frustrated together.
At our wedding, my husband's brother flew in from Europe with his new girlfriend of 3 months (his divorce was barely finalized). At our Friday night rehearsal dinner it comes out they are eloping on Monday, so now the attention is all on them. At the reception on Saturday, the news continued to spread and I swear they received more congratulations at our wedding than we did. All night long I heard "did you hear that Joe and Suzie are getting married on Monday?". Yep, we heard!
Now I am about 9 weeks pregnant and we have not told anyone. We were planning to wait until Christmas and after my first doctor's appointment. Well don't you know, his brother called this past weekend to announce they are pregnant with TWINS- their due date is a week before mine. And it is the first grandchild on his side of the family. Trumped again.... :(
I can see the frustration, but try to think of the fun of having someone else to talk wedding with. It can be even MORE frustrating when people around you are sick of the wedding planning talk. So you're actually lucky. Give it time.
I can see where you're coming from. FI and I dated for a long time before getting engaged. Should one of my friends/family members have gotten engaged soon after me I probably would have been a little peeved but its been 4 months. Like another PP said, if they would have announced their engagement a week after yours then you would have grounds to be pissed but its been 4 months...
@dunky31: It IS possible that they had started talking about getting married before you got engaged, and they've held off for four months out of kindness.
@smith207: Thanks for UNDERSTANDING and listening to a VENT--- the title of my post.
Didn't know this place was lurking with a bunch of judgemental women. Geez........Settle.
@AmuseMeMusically: I would hope not. They've only been dating for about 6 months.
I can understand how you feel...It's a little frustrating to me that a few of my friends have been engaged and married within my loooong engagement. But I can be jealous from time to time :/
I also feel like some of the other people who commented on this thread might have kept their opinions to themselves if they couldn't be anything but harsh...after all, OP did put "Vent" in the title.
I think it was your "she was previously married" and "dating less than a year" which sounded kind of demeaning to this woman ... like this woman didn't deserve the same happiness and excitement as you.
I was engaged immediately after I found out I was pregnant. DH and I had dated for almost 2 years prior to that. However, it took us 8 years and we had 3 kids before we had our last minute quickie JoP wedding. I had loads of friends get married before me and you know what, that's just how life works sometimes.
Just having a hard time grasping the fact that someone can be divorced and then engaged within a timespan of less than 2 years. Guess I'm old fashioned.
A lot of bees post vents and get support and constructive feedback, but posting a vent doesn't automatically get you pats on the back. If you spend more time on the boards you'll find that the bees here tend to be really down-to-earth and un-divalike. There isn't a lot of support for bridezilla-like behavior. Sorry. If that's what you're looking for, maybe this isn't the place for you.
I wouldn't be so quick to throw the "judgmental" title either... you seem to have made some pretty mean-spirited judgments about your future sister-in-law and the validity of their relationship.
I wish you the best of luck with your wedding.
@dunky31: I think people were just trying to give you some perspective. No one said "you can't be mad, that's mean." It was more along the lines of YOU will be happier when you can let that go, and I'm sure you realize on some level that that is right. Maybe it's not what you wanted to hear right now (probably not) but since no one is in your exact position, no one can know exactly how you feel.
@dunky31: I dont think anyone is being judgmental. I've read through all of the PP's and for the most part, all of the Bees are just being realistic. It's been 4 months. Regardless of how long your sister and her FI have been together, how long would you have liked them to wait after your engagement? She shouldn't have to put her life on hold before you're still in "engagement land" after 4 months...
@AmeliaBedelia: Exactly. It's funny how the girls who have been in my situation understand and the ones that havent been in this position can't understand.
@dunky31: Stranger things have happened. My boyfriend and I got engaged after 9 months... we started talking about marriage pretty much immediately. But what probably isn't apparent to the outside observer is that we dated for two years in our early twenties, and have been best friends in the five years since. All I'm saying is, there might be more to the story than you know.
I don't think this girl MEANS to steal your thunder. If so, it'll come out in the wash. Set your date, and if theirs is the same month as yours, or at the same place, you'll have your answer.
I was in a similar position as you, Dunky, and I still don't understand.
@dunky31: Yeah. I mean, that's normal for a lot of situations. I think you just have to take it with a grain of salt. Nothing said, IMO, was particularly mean or rude, but I think you were looking more for a sympathetic ear or some understanding. You'll get both on a forum. I think both sides have merit though. I can understand what you're saying, but that doesn't mean I want you to keep feeling this way. Once I could get over that, I was MUCH happier and could be my "old self" again about wedding things. Good luck with this. It's okay to be frustrated, but don't let it take over your thoughts when it comes to weddings. :)
@BanditGirl: ok. I give up. i thought this was a place I could just come to vent. guess not. That really sucks. Seriously. Wow.
@dunky31: "the ones that havent been in this position can't understand."
You're making a big assumption that no one here has had a friend of relative get engaged shortly after they did and not get upset about it.
Less than a month after I got engaged, I found out that my best friend's boyfriend was thinking of proposing. I was over the moon, absolutely thrilled and excited for them. I immediately started helping him with ring ideas. I was actually disappointed when I found out that he decided to wait a little longer to propose.
It's totally possible to not be upset over things like this. I'm not saying you're a bad person or anything, just that you might be a happier person if you can learn to not let these things bother you so much.
Maybe it's best to keep your "vents" to yourself. I wonder what your FI would think about your attitude toward his sister...
@dunky31: You're blowing this out of proportion. This is a place that you can come to vent but you have to be prepared to hear both sides. Some may agree with you while others won't. Being a member of this community means dealing with both sides. It seems like you're overly emotional about this topic however, I still don't think anyone here was mean or rude to you. How would you feel if the tables were turned? Would you want to hold off on your engagement because your sister was engaged 4 months prior? I know I wouldnt.
I have a different take on things than you do, Dunky.
I guess that I'm joyful for my friends happiness rather than be jealous of them. I suppose I never feel that I need to have "thunder", so I've never had it taken away from me.
Just a different perspective, my friend.
It always confuses me when people get upset to hear other peoples opinions. If you dont want to hear opinions why did you bother posting your VENT on a forum. Not everyone is going to agree with you, that is the first rule about public forums
@dunky31: i always thought Wedding Bee is very supportive most of the time but thankfully there is a level of maturity here as well which means you dont get unicorns and rainbows blow up your butt just because people think they deserve it
you have to realize that no one thinks your engagment/wedding is as exciting or important than you and your FI - other people have their lives to live as well so all the best in planning your wedding
@BanditGirl: Just having a hard time grasping the fact that someone can be divorced and then engaged within a timespan of less than 2 years. Guess I'm old fashioned.
I'm sorry. I didn't realize there was a specific time frame for falling in love post-divorce.
@dunky31: i totally understand! everyone is correct in saying "you only get one day". but your feelings are your feelings and you are allowed to have them. and you are doing the right thing by posting on here and not venting to the actual people involved!
i get the "thunder stealing" because about 4 or 5 months after i get engaged, my bridesmaid did not really get engaged, but rather her boyfriend asks me in front of a group of our friends how i would feel if they got married the same week....at the same location for our destination wedding! i said yes because in the moment it sounded fun. but really i was put on the spot and didn't have the chance to think about it. drama has already ensued since then when my friend tries to decide which resort we are getting married at - picking one out of my budget!! excuse me, whose wedding was this first? i won that battle. well i told her then that maybe she shouldn't get married the same week after all and then she agreed to the resort that FI and I chose.
anyway, i have lots suppressed frustration about the whole thing and i totally get how you feel. even though our situations are relatively different. the best i can do now is breathe and focus on MY wedding day. just sux that i am purposely not involving one of my bridesmaids in my planning anymore...because i did that initially and so far 3 of my ideas (1 big, 2 small) she has now taken to do for her wedding 3 days later!
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