WAY too sensitive!! Please help.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

The way I see it is, if there was no bodily or monetary harm done, why dwell on it? Nothing was damaged, nobody was hurt, in the grand scope of things it probably wasn’t that big of a deal.

Take a deep breath and say to yourself, “Oh well. It happened, and I cannot change it. I can’t beat myself up for things I cannot change.”

Post # 4
Member
2537 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@FEDORAble:  I’m the same way most of the time.  🙁

Post # 5
Member
13012 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think I’m the completely opposite and need to learn to give a crap more.  How do I do this.. umm.. I just don’t care what other people have to say.  Everyones got an opinion, what does it matter?  Be confident in yourself and just brush them off.  Who cares if she yelled at you?  Were you in the wrong?  No.  She said ok.  Was it a big deal?  No.  I would have told her to shut up and tell her it was her fault for saying it was ok!

Post # 6
Member
1349 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@FEDORAble:  If you find the answer to this, please tell me.  

Post # 7
Member
5483 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@FEDORAble:  I hear you! I’m the same! What helps me is I tell myself it’s actually a selfish trait. People don’t care NEARLY as much as we think they do about us, lol!! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@FEDORAble:  I’m pretty callous and non-reactive to criticism, yelling, and freaking out in general…and I got this way, by being hollered at, criticised and generally freaked out at my entire childhood….so I guess if you have a friend who’s like…louder than everyone else and kind of opinionated…I’d go out to lunch with her once a week and just let her blast me for like…an hour…like exposure therapy, then I’d make her buy me a drink after…

Post # 9
Member
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think it’s good that you are able to recognize something that’s causing you problems and that you want to fix it.

 

I think the first thing to keep in mind is most people’s actions aren’t personal.  We can’t control the behavior of others.  It also depends on the type of criciticism you’re talking about.  Sometimes people don’t mean to criticize and don’t even know they’re doing it.  If someone’s being rude or offensive, and is just a jerk, that behavior’s a reflection of them, not you.  If someone gives you constructive criticism, in a work context for example, it can be hard to look past the criticism, but sometimes there is real value in what the person’s saying.  In all these cases, you can’t control what the other person says or does.  You do, however, have power over how you react to these situations.

 

The other thing to keep in mind is that it’s probably become a habit for you to react this way.  Like any habit, it will take time to break, and won’t be an overnight process.  Mindsets take time to change, but even small improvements can improve your life greatly.

Post # 10
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@FEDORAble:  According to another Bee in a recent post there is such as thing as Highly Sensitive People. Maybe you are one of these people.

Shina (message)    November 28, 2014  

I understand how you feel because I’m a very sensitive person too, and sometimes being so empathetic and being able to feel/see what’s going on inside of other people can be emotionally exhausting.

There is actually a scientific term for people who are born very sensitive — they’re called “Highly Sensitive People” (HSP) and we make about 20% of the world population and there’s actually research and studies done on how people who are HSP are wired differently than the rest of the population.  There’s a book that’s been written on the subject (just look up HSP on amazon, the author’s name is Elaine Aron) and it gives great insight on why you’re so sensitive and how navigating life is more difficult for HSPs.  The book gives some great advice on how to take care of yourself and how to handle difficult situations.  The thing is, most of the advice we’re taught like “just suck it up and do it” or “push yourself to the max, no pain no gain” are actually horrible advice for people who are HSP.  People who are HSP actually need a lot of quiet time, rest, and it’s really important that you surround yourself with the right people because you are so sensitive.

I’d highly recommend you check out the book by Elaine Aron, “The Highly Sensitive Person.”  I’ve been in therapy before for my sensitivity issues and I got the same advice about “assertiveness training” but NONE of it did anything to help how much everything pained me so much.  But after reading that book and doing some of my own research, it has helped me tremendously and now I am SO much stronger and able to handle rude and extremely difficult people much better and easier.

Good-luck to you!  Being an HSP can be very painful, but it’s a wonderful gift that not everyone has so embrace your wonderful uniqueness!

Post # 11
Member
204 posts
Helper bee

Ummm yeah I am too. If someone either criticizes me or just gives me some kind of advice. I get very emotional and I hate it. :/ I take things too seriously. Sometimes I wonder if I should go on hormone medicine. 

Post # 12
Member
2328 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@julies1949:  thank you for posting the old post about HSP. I have a friend who I think/know is definitely like this and will help immensely. Hopefully it’ll help the OP too. 

Post # 13
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

I’m the exact same way! I just try to remind myself that the other person probably didn’t give it a second thought after the situation was over and done. If I’m being honest – sometimes I get hung up on worrying about things that happened YEARS ago. Every time I have brought it up to the person that I’m worried that i’ve offended, they have had no memory of the event or have any idea of what i’m talking about. I wish I had some further advice, but I just wanted to say – I can empathize with you and you’re not alone.

Post # 15
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@FEDORAble:  …you know…it wasn’t that bad at all….I just learned that you can’t let stuff like that bother you because that’s how some people communicate.

Post # 16
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

There is no point torturing yourself, it won’t change what has already happened.

Do you have anxiety? That’s a pretty common thing amongst those who suffer from it. I used to be the same way as a young teenager (when I was about 14 I had anxiety and would replay things over and over in my head and get worked up about it). I found this line of thinking helped me let go of things:

If you can change it, why worry? If you can’t change it, why worry?  

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