Post # 1
Title basically says it all.
I’m way too sensitive to even the slightest critism. It’s ridiculous and completely an awful way to live. Someone will issue me even the slightest rebuke and it’ll sit with me for days.
If someone actually yells at me then I will probably keep thinking about it for months! It’s insane and I need to quit it now!!
Someone reprimanded me today for something and I’m still mulling it over (their dog was on the lawn and I was walking my brother’s dog. I thought they were telling me to let my dog come over and play but they actually wanted us to keep walking ((for clarification I said “Is it alright if I let him come over?” and she said “OK”)). Let the dog go over and then had to chase him while she yelled at me). I feel literally nauseous and just am unable to concentrate.
Any bees have advice for how to brush off criticism and become less sensitive?
Post # 3
The way I see it is, if there was no bodily or monetary harm done, why dwell on it? Nothing was damaged, nobody was hurt, in the grand scope of things it probably wasn’t that big of a deal.
Take a deep breath and say to yourself, “Oh well. It happened, and I cannot change it. I can’t beat myself up for things I cannot change.”
Post # 4
@FEDORAble: I’m the same way most of the time. 🙁
Post # 5
I think I’m the completely opposite and need to learn to give a crap more. How do I do this.. umm.. I just don’t care what other people have to say. Everyones got an opinion, what does it matter? Be confident in yourself and just brush them off. Who cares if she yelled at you? Were you in the wrong? No. She said ok. Was it a big deal? No. I would have told her to shut up and tell her it was her fault for saying it was ok!
Post # 6
@FEDORAble: If you find the answer to this, please tell me.
Post # 7
@FEDORAble: I hear you! I’m the same! What helps me is I tell myself it’s actually a selfish trait. People don’t care NEARLY as much as we think they do about us, lol!! 🙂
Post # 8
@FEDORAble: I’m pretty callous and non-reactive to criticism, yelling, and freaking out in general…and I got this way, by being hollered at, criticised and generally freaked out at my entire childhood….so I guess if you have a friend who’s like…louder than everyone else and kind of opinionated…I’d go out to lunch with her once a week and just let her blast me for like…an hour…like exposure therapy, then I’d make her buy me a drink after…
Post # 9
I think it’s good that you are able to recognize something that’s causing you problems and that you want to fix it.
I think the first thing to keep in mind is most people’s actions aren’t personal. We can’t control the behavior of others. It also depends on the type of criciticism you’re talking about. Sometimes people don’t mean to criticize and don’t even know they’re doing it. If someone’s being rude or offensive, and is just a jerk, that behavior’s a reflection of them, not you. If someone gives you constructive criticism, in a work context for example, it can be hard to look past the criticism, but sometimes there is real value in what the person’s saying. In all these cases, you can’t control what the other person says or does. You do, however, have power over how you react to these situations.
The other thing to keep in mind is that it’s probably become a habit for you to react this way. Like any habit, it will take time to break, and won’t be an overnight process. Mindsets take time to change, but even small improvements can improve your life greatly.
Post # 10
@FEDORAble: According to another Bee in a recent post there is such as thing as Highly Sensitive People. Maybe you are one of these people.
Shina (message) November 28, 2014
I understand how you feel because I’m a very sensitive person too, and sometimes being so empathetic and being able to feel/see what’s going on inside of other people can be emotionally exhausting.
There is actually a scientific term for people who are born very sensitive — they’re called “Highly Sensitive People” (HSP) and we make about 20% of the world population and there’s actually research and studies done on how people who are HSP are wired differently than the rest of the population. There’s a book that’s been written on the subject (just look up HSP on amazon, the author’s name is Elaine Aron) and it gives great insight on why you’re so sensitive and how navigating life is more difficult for HSPs. The book gives some great advice on how to take care of yourself and how to handle difficult situations. The thing is, most of the advice we’re taught like “just suck it up and do it” or “push yourself to the max, no pain no gain” are actually horrible advice for people who are HSP. People who are HSP actually need a lot of quiet time, rest, and it’s really important that you surround yourself with the right people because you are so sensitive.
I’d highly recommend you check out the book by Elaine Aron, “The Highly Sensitive Person.” I’ve been in therapy before for my sensitivity issues and I got the same advice about “assertiveness training” but NONE of it did anything to help how much everything pained me so much. But after reading that book and doing some of my own research, it has helped me tremendously and now I am SO much stronger and able to handle rude and extremely difficult people much better and easier.
Good-luck to you! Being an HSP can be very painful, but it’s a wonderful gift that not everyone has so embrace your wonderful uniqueness!
Post # 11
Ummm yeah I am too. If someone either criticizes me or just gives me some kind of advice. I get very emotional and I hate it. :/ I take things too seriously. Sometimes I wonder if I should go on hormone medicine.
Post # 12
@julies1949: thank you for posting the old post about HSP. I have a friend who I think/know is definitely like this and will help immensely. Hopefully it’ll help the OP too.
Post # 13
I’m the exact same way! I just try to remind myself that the other person probably didn’t give it a second thought after the situation was over and done. If I’m being honest – sometimes I get hung up on worrying about things that happened YEARS ago. Every time I have brought it up to the person that I’m worried that i’ve offended, they have had no memory of the event or have any idea of what i’m talking about. I wish I had some further advice, but I just wanted to say – I can empathize with you and you’re not alone.
Post # 14
Oh my gosh! Thank you all so much for the advice!
@Hyperventilate: this is a really good mantra that I’m going to have to memorize! Thank you so much for taking the time to respond with such understanding it was immensely helpful. I always respect your voice on the Bee!
@Nona99: the funny thing is (not funny at all really) my mom is a very abrasive person who constantly treats me in a negative manner. You’d think I’d be used to it after 25 years. I also work in retail and am constantly getting treated badly. I’m so sorry that you had to deal with so much negativity growing up. But I’m glad that you made your own silver lining and are able to stand up for yourself and brush off the negativity of others!
@julies1949: WOW! I’ve never even heard of that but it makes so much sense. Every single word resonated with me. I am going to check that book out. I’m sorry I missed that thread but really thankful that you saw it and let me know about it!
@abirdword: Everything you said really was true. I do try my hardest to remember that people usually act out of their own emotions. The woman with the dog was almost certainly just afraid that something might happen with the dogs so that’s probably why she hollered at me. I also agree completely that my sensitivity is a habit. I definitely need to work on changing my mindset. In the real world people won’t coddle you even if you’re sensitive so it helps to start changing now!
@pinkshoes: Wow I would love to be able to brush people’s criticisms off like you are able to 🙂 I think probably one of the keys is self-confidence. I’ve read a lot of your posts and you seem like a woman who is secure in herself and knows her own worth (apologies if I’m completely wrong). I wish you’d been there to set that lady straight haha.
@katiecat08: oh god yes. Seriously, sometimes I find myself mulling over something that happened literally 3 years ago.
@wrkbrk: you’re right the nice thing about being sensitive is that I seem to be more emphatic than others. I’m usually the first person people turn to when they have a breakup or something. That’s the nice thing about it. The other side of the coin really sucks though haha!
@MrsJX3: I’m glad to know that I’m not alone in this! The thing that jules posted is definitely worth reading though 🙂 I really identified with it!
@beekiss: it really sucks doesn’t it. Other people are always telling me to just get over it. I wish it was that easy!
Thank you again. So much! I truly do feel better right now after having read these responses. I’m going to internalize all of this and hopefully it’ll stick! 🙂
Post # 15
@FEDORAble: …you know…it wasn’t that bad at all….I just learned that you can’t let stuff like that bother you because that’s how some people communicate.
Post # 16
There is no point torturing yourself, it won’t change what has already happened.
Do you have anxiety? That’s a pretty common thing amongst those who suffer from it. I used to be the same way as a young teenager (when I was about 14 I had anxiety and would replay things over and over in my head and get worked up about it). I found this line of thinking helped me let go of things:
If you can change it, why worry? If you can’t change it, why worry?