Ways to involve "difficult" family member?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@BirdieNY:  if she feels this way about you, she’s absolutely not going to speak or participate in your wedding. The gesture is very nice, but probably won’t happen. And it’s your day, don’t make it about making ammends with her. 

Maybe he can ask her to do something really small behind the sceens. Like pinning on boutonnieres for the guys.  

Post # 4
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t understand why it’s your job to find a role for this girl. Let your FI think of something. 

Maybe she can be a bathroom attendant 😉

Post # 5
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@BirdieNY:  Awkward indeed.  I am in agreement with you, I would definitely not have her as a part of the bridal party.  I don’t think I would want her to read anything, because being that anrgy at you would come through in a verbal process.  I am not familiar with Jewish weddings, so I am not sure what cutting the challah is.  But your SO is right, you probally should find something to include her, just to try to extend an olive branch.

See if she wants to cut the challah, and both of you should be there to ask her.  However, with the history at hand I wouldn’t expect her to be in agreement to this.  At this point in her sucessful attemps to avoid the two of you, I would lean towards that she wouldn’t want to be involved anyway.  But still, you have to try.

I don’t envy the position you are in, I have a brother that I am not including in my day.  And although I feel bad about it, I know that he would just ruin the day for everyone by physically fighting with his wife.  Whatever you decide, remember it is your day.  If she says no the challah, let it go and continue on.

Good luck!

Post # 6
6171 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

she can hand out programs and kippot.

but let FI come up with something.

don’t stress about it.


Post # 7
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I agree with letting your fiance find a role for her – though I think speaking or being in the bridal party should be out. If she’s so upset she’s avoided you at holidays or actively told you not to contact her, I can only imagine what she would say when she’s given carte blanche and a microphone at a wedding.

Handing out programs is probably ideal, or just greeting people, maybe.

Post # 8
1931 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with PPs- let your fiance handle it. Not your problem, dear, it’s your wedding day, stop focusing on making everyone else happy. That’s the biggest mistake you can make. 

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