Weddingbee boards

Do you and your partner know one another’s love maps?  What helps you to stay in touch and continually learn about your maps?

If you want to read the recap on the book this question comes from, here is the post: http://www.weddingbee.com/2009/05/18/weddingbee-book-club-the-seven-principles-part-i/

I kind of answered this in my post, but I thought I'd explain a little bit more of what helps us learn each other's love maps. 

Probably the biggest thing is making room for quality time in our schedules.  Not just conveniently watching TV together but deliberately doing something together whether it's going on a date, making dinner together or doing something fun like Disneyland.  Because my schedule was so busy during the school semester this helped us stay in contact.  Partially it's also taking time to note what really makes the other happy or simple preferences.  For example the other night I was going to be home late, but Mr. Ducky knew without me even asking to TiVo Grey's and Private Practice because it's my favorite show.

Another kind of fun thing is this book called "All About Us."  It's a fun little book that you both answer all sorts of questions and fill it in.  The questions range from serious to silly.  It's a similar idea to one of the exercises Gottman wrote about.  http://www.amazon.com/All-About-Us-Philipp-Keel/dp/0767905016

I like how Gottman puts it in the book so I'm just going to quote him. 

"Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familar with each other's world.  I call this having a richly detailed love map-my term for that part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner's life.  Another way of saying this is that couples have made plenty of cognitive room for their marriage.  They remember major events in each other's history, and they keep updating their information as the facts and feelings of their spouse's word change.  When she orders him a salad, she knows to ask for his dressing on the side...He could tell you how she's feeling about her boss, and exactly how to to her office from the elevator.  He knows that religion is important to her but that deep down she had doubts....They know each other's goals in life, each other's worries, each other's hopes."  

The point of love maps as Gottman says is that when you have detailed love maps of each other's world you "are far better prepared to cope with stressful situations and conflict." "The more you know and understand about each other, the easier it is to keep connected as life swirls around you."

Does that kind of make more sense FB?  Essentially it is how well do you know your partner in all areas of life big and small, because that knowledge will help you to better cope with stress and also express love in ways unique to your partner.