Post # 1
We already have a 2 year old. We waited to get married because honestly the pregnancy was unexpected and we weren’t ready to get married right away… we wanted to make sure we loved each other and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Now we have a beautiful house, and live as a married couple. He proposed to me last June with a beautiful engagement ring. We had just bought our first house together so I wanted a longer engaement so that we could recoup some money before our wedding. Now it’s a year before our set “date” and I have been talking to my parents about the wedding costs and budget… and we were really disagreeing on the budget. He kept saying that if it had been a few years ago before I had a child that I could have had my dream wedding… now that I have a child I couldn’t… Finally after weeks of argument I said that I didn’t want a wedding… and my father said “Good, I didn’t think it was appropriate that you have a wedding when you aleady have a child”. Now I am of course heart broken. My father doesn’t even care to walk me down the aisle. He never had an issue with us having a child before- he loves his grandson and has told me how happy he is that we had him… I might add that my father is 75 and has been married to my mother for 54 years.
I talked to my mother later (after I told him that I didn’t even want a wedding) and she seems to think that we will still have a wedding (And still really wants a wedding). But at this point I already told my bridesmaids. I’m an emotional mess, and I know I’m being childish.
This topic was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by CKing212.
Post # 2
CKing212: Oh no I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure your father will come round soon. Don’t give up on a wedding, whatever size or type you want, because it’s about you and what you want not other people. Surely after some time and your mother talking to him your father will come round? If not it’ll be sad if he doesn’t walk you down the aisle, but it’d be his loss. With weddings you can’t please everyone so you have to do what you want and please yourself and the groom first and foremost.
Post # 3
I honestly can’t see why you can’t have a wedding. It might well be that you have to cover the cost of it yourselves but heck, that’s pretty normal these days! Only while I really don’t want to sound harsh, it isn’t your father’s responsibility to pay for your wedding. His attitude might be rather unreasonable but it is his money. I’m sure he’ll be very happy to walk you down the aisle too so don’t confuse his reluctance to bankroll your wedding with a reluctance to be there at all.
Also, don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. You and your FI want to get married? Then do so! If you are mature enough to have a child and a house then for sure, you ought to be able to plan your own wedding without getting stroppy if your father won’t pay for it.
Post # 4
You can still have a wedding, you will just have to pay for it yourselves.
Post # 4
How your dad said it was wrong but I think what he meant is you have a kid who in the future will need thousands of dollars worth of things (toys, college, books, healthcare, etc) why spend those thousands on one day when you might need them later. That being said if this is what you want a huge wedding then finance it yourself.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Steampunkbride: I agree with this. You are not a child anymore, OP. Plan a lovely, if slightly toned down wedding, that you can pay for. Perhaps your father will come around; perhaps not. But what you do shouldn’t depend on him anyway. My prediction is that if you go forward in a mature way, your father will respect you for it and probably throw some money at you in the end, but if not– you will still have a wonderful wedding!
Post # 7
From the way you wrote your post it sounds like your parents are paying for it. Is that correct? If so, just move forward and plan on paying for everything yourself.
If not, ignore him and continue on. Just because you have a kid doesn’t mean you can’t have the wedding of your dreams!
Post # 8
If my daughter had a baby and a house and lived as if married before the wedding, I doubt I’d foot the bill. I think if you want a wedding, it’s ip to you to pay for it.
Post # 9
Don’t make decisions in haste or when highly emotionally charged. Of course you will have a wedding and of course your dad will be there to walk you down the aisle. He’s old fashioned and holding onto this idea that you probably should have been married two years ago. It hurts, but so what? He’s entitled to think it one way and you are entitled to think it another.
Your mother knows this will blow over, because she knows the man she’s been married to for 54 years. And she knows he loves you and ultimately wants to see his girl happy. She also knows he’s stubborn.
There’s no time for woulda coulda’s, but you can fix this. Call your bridesmaids and tell them there is a wedding but you may be rethinking the size/theme. Then give it a couple days to let the dust settle and call your dad and iron it over. And stop being so stubborn and emotional… Like your dad.
Post # 10
Pay for it yourself. That way, your father’s opinions don’t matter. Any money you take from your parents will have their opinions attached.
Post # 11
Even if it’s for an irrational reason, your father is under absolutely no obligation to pay for your wedding, or contribute to it in anyway financially. I’m sorry he seems to want nothing to do with a wedding, but you’ll have to carry on without it if a wedding is what you want.
You and your FI need to pay for it yourself, and you’ll hvae the wedding you can afford. Simple as that.
Post # 12
It’s not about whether he pays for the wedding… the fact that he doesn’t think its appropirate is the emotional part that upsets me. The fact that he doesn’t care to walk me down the aisle… which I have dreamed of my whole life- doesn’t mean a thing to him.
Post # 13
gemchick82: that’s true of anyone who plans to have children at all though. Any money anyone spends on a wedding could be used for the future expenses of their planned children or anything else that money could be used for. The fact that op already has the child just make it more real, but doesn’t really change anything IMO if she still wants her dream wedding.
Post # 14
Also just to point out… my sister got her dream wedding paid for by my father… 120K+…. So it just makes it unfair. That’s all. Yes I can put my big girl pants on and pay for it by myself- which would mean I’d be getting married in 2025 instead of 2015. But I guess if thats what it takes… maybe I should just get married in a courthouse and wait until we can afford a wedding of our dreams.
Post # 15
The tradition for father of the bride to pay was exclusively from the time when brides married out of their parents homes. Even years ago, any couple that was already independent and self supporting had the responsibility to pay for their own wedding themselves. Of course, anyone can offer to host a wedding, but if your father is not inclined, you’ll have to pay for the wedding you can afford yourselves.
But with a child in the picture, the expensive wedding reception ship would have sailed for me long ago. Unless I had a lot of money, it would be my last priority.