(Closed) We are deciding to “wait”

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

i havent experienced anything like this, but would like to maybe offer some advice.

is he just worried about an unplanned pregnancy?  the weight of your recent “scare” may be sitting heavy on him, and he may not be thinking at his most logically right now.

when you are having sex, are you using any kind of birth control?  maybe that would ease his mind a little – to know that you were taking active steps to avoid an unplanned pregancy.

however, if it seems like he would like to make this decision to wait for your wedding day after thorougly examined the option, i would suggest talking with him about why he wants to, and then going from there.  its not a good or bad decision either way, but it is something that you both need to understand and be on board with.

 

Post # 5
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@mattsgirl813:  oh, i totally understand the worry, and am still trying to get that twinge of paranoia out myself haha – maybe once he calms down a little from it, sit down and hash out a plan (whether to wait or not) and what will work for both of you.  and assure him the effectiveness of BC, or even add another form of contraception if it would make you and him feel more secure

Post # 6
Member
361 posts
Helper bee

If you’re using birth control, and it’s been effective in the past, just let him know that hormones fluctuate and stress will change a womans cycle. Mine is irregular. I’m talking 21 to 50 days irregular, it’s just how it is. It can be scary, but there are options for taking further procautions and not just stopping being together. I agree with talking to him once he’s calmed down and the panic has gone. 

Post # 7
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think that it’s awesome that he’s really taken into consideration the reality of having sex and that he’s not ready for the consequences.

I say just keep open in the communication and hold off on the sex. I mean people really do get pregnant the first time and while on bc & using condoms.

And when sex isn’t in the picture at all you’re able to create intimacy in new ways.. something the sex ALWAYS clouds. Enjoy being able to focus just on each other emotionally & communicatively and not worry about the physical aspect…. building these things will ultimately be better prep grounds for family in the future anyways.

Good luck =)

Post # 9
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I wouldn’t take THAT much credit for it… lol

And it’s not like you lied and hid your period from him to scare him… if you did then I could understand the guilt but this is not the case. 😉 Let the guilt go and know that your FI made a decision on his own taking into consideration the things that he NOW realized. lol

When DH and I decided mutually to wait it still wasn’t always easy.. for either of us. But it was the BEST decision we made and we have no regrets about going back to waiting. =)

Post # 11
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Birth control is pretty effective so long as it’s taken properly. I guess I don’t understand why it would be any more effective once you are married – seeing as how you are concerned about an unplanned pregnancy messing up your futures.

Post # 12
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

So… is that not a good enough reason? It seems like he’s taken it as a pretty good reason not to… lol

More than likely he just hadn’t really considered the consequences of you possibly getting pregnant so now that he has he wants to do things different.

I mean I think that’s a perfect reason to wait.. alot of people men & women want to be in a certain place before having children and really the only way to be sure not to get preggars in not to do it.

If you feel that bad about it then just talk it out with him.. like really talk about it. Get his view and desires when it comes to family and see how it goes. You may find that he just really rather be married or in a different place maturity wise or financially before that even becomes a possibility.

Plus communication is something needed to make a great marriage foundation so what better time than now… with a real great topic of discussion 😉

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