Post # 1
SO and I had had a wonderful month talking about the wedding, the possible date… Although he hasn’t proposed yet.
I thought I was OK with that, since SO’s brother is getting married on Sept, 28th and we don’t want to “overshadow” their wedding. At the beggining I thought I was Ok with waiting until October to officially announce that we are getting married.
But now, I’m not. I’m SUPER SAD because I want to tell everybody. WE ARE GETTING MARRIED! HE WANTS TO MARRY ME! But since SO won’t propose until after his brother’s wedding, I cannot say a word.
My mother, siblings and BFF know that we are talking about the wedding, waiting for the proposal to make it official, but I don’t want to wait any longer.
I know I’m just being selfish, but I don’t think I can wait until the end of the month for the proposal. I want it know. What’s the point of meeting with vendors and setting up a date if I cannot say I’m engaged? We are making plans already, but it doesn’t feel real. I don’t like all THIS secrecy.
I’m having a REALLY hard time waiting and I don’t know how I’m going to go through the month and the wedding with these feelings of sadness and agony inside me. I’m starting to resent SO’s brother and I don’t think that’s fair to him, either.
AND, to top it off, SO’s is being VERY funny, and telling me in whispers when we are with his family: When are you going to ask for my parents’ permission?
Everytime he says that, I just want to stand up and break the news without worrying about hurting some people’s feelings.
Post # 3
@skinnypinkmartini: He is doing the right thing by waiting. Your new SIL & BIL will likely not appreciate having to share their spot light. Also other people will say “they couldnt have waited … x amount of time.” Your FI should have proposed 2-3 months prior to their wedding. Now it is just getting a little too close. I mean he still can, but you would then have to deal with people’s opinions/thoughts/feelings about the timing. Trust me I totally hear you. Waiting is the worst. Just have the patience to wait it out 3 weeks.
Post # 4
Relax. It’s coming. Do you pre-work in silence. Let them have their moment. I assure you it will make the relationship with your FSIL a lot worse if you don’t mallow her to have your moment. Also, you don’t want their wedding overshadowing your engagement. You want to be the STAR! Let her shine now & you’ll shine later.
Post # 5
@SparkleBee11: agree 100%
It sucks when it’s put that way. When your engaged you wanna shut it from the roof tops. If the roles was swithed would you be truly happy with your future in laws for “takign some spot light”? Also it’s very close to their day and honestly if it where me I would want them to fuly enjoy their time and then after thats over be able to fully enjoy mines. Tell the vendors your engages uness they’re family I don’t see the big deal and explain that it’s stayign quiet until other family members have enjoyed their wedding in a month. Sounds like important people know already just try and hold out it’s not as long as it seems better 1 month then 4 or 6 a few weeks and then you can tell everyone you want that your engaged. Wish you the best.
Post # 6
My little sister got engaged very soon after I did, and I really didn’t care (good for them!). I think it’s a little silly to put your engagement off for months based on someone else’s engagement/wedding, personally. It’s nice to give them a couple of weeks, but any longer than that seems unnecessary.
But hey, if your SO insists, it is only for a few more weeks. Perhaps you should leave off talking to vendors for a while if it is stressing you out to try to work on it before the official engagement.
Post # 7
I think it’s nice of you two to wait. Enjoy this pre-engagement time, don’t start stressing about the wedding yet!
Post # 8
I have never really understood the stealing the spotlight thing….. Maybe because I’m excited for all my friends/family finding the loves of their lives and I actually kind of enjoy everyone either getting engaged/married so we can all embrace it together and celebrate together. But that’s just me.
Post # 9
@maypearl: Yes, exactly! I had so much fun at my engagement party taking pictures with my sister and our shiny new rings! We got to celebrate together, and that was awesome.
Post # 10
@Arrowchan: Thank you! I don’t find many people that share this thought process with me. Get this, my BF and I are even using the same venue for our receptions and I am SO excited! We get to bounce ideas off each other and all that fun stuff. I guess I am more inlove with everyone being inlove than having “one day” that people have to hold their tongue about certain things. I say if you have something exciting- bring it! More reason to party!
Post # 11
@maypearl: I personally wouldn’t care either way but there are some that feel differently esp. if it’s real close to the wedding. Also if I could prevent certain drama from happening I’d wait. My SO brother’s gf has been dying to wed and I alwas joke to SO that his brother better get there b4 we do or all hell would break lose but in honestly I woud hold nothing off because FBIL is dragging his feet. Also if that time came right before SO & I would get married that they got engaged I wouldn’t care. Some people do and honestly for something that is suppse to be a happy event to much drama takes place so I vote for anything that avoids it.
Post # 12
Etiquette Snob here… lol
As per “traditioinal” North American Etiquette, your BF / Fiance is a very classy guy… allowing his beloved Brother to enjoy his Wedding Celebrations (focus) for all it is worth. You need to appreciate this quality about him… it is part of the reason no doubt he is THE MAN you are going to marry.
It is already September 2nd… almost the 3rd… (oh gosh where did the Summer go ?)
October will be here before you know it.
Here is what I would do…
It sounds like you and your Hubby-2B have talked extensively about your Engagement / Wedding (if you are out investigating Vendors)
So come his Brother’s Wedding there should be absolutely NO REASON to wait.
I’d be getting Engaged IMMEDIATELY after the Brother’s Wedding and the coast is clear (ALL their Wedding Celebrations are over – including a Next Day Bruch etc) and the Happy Couple is off on their Honeymoon.
I mean IMMEDIATE
The second the coast is clear… on goes the ring… and then start making phone calls
“The Wedding Yesterday was fabulous… it inspired Mr Martini so much he proposed. Oh my gosh we are over the moon”
Cat out of the bag
You haven’t cut in on the other couple’s precious spotlight, and you’ve moved on to creating your own
Getting to bask a bit in the afterglow of the Wedding that just happened with everyone is in a very happy mood and filled with love
Then you get to countdown the time to your own Wedding… enjoying every second that is special when a couple is in Love & Engaged and planning a Wedding.
Hang in there girl…
You can make this work in the most fabulous of ways !!
Post # 13
@skinnypinkmartini: Would it make you feel better to hold off on wedding stuff until after you are engaged?
I know you are impatient, but a month isn’t that long to wait. It’ll be the end of September really soon! If I were you, I’d try to distract myself as much as possible.
Post # 14
Remember that by waiting you are ensuring that you as a couple get your spotlight AND that his brother get the spotlight. It’s not just for the brother and FSIL, it’s for you two as well. You won’t have to share your spotlight either.
AND you really don’t want people talking behind your back about how you could have waited, do you? That’s not a fun way to celebrate an engagement.
Just have fun thinking of ideas with no real pressure to make decisions and celebrate your LAST MONTH as boyfriend and girlfriend. You will be married most of your lives, these last 30days are fleeting. Do all of your lasts together as boyfriend and girlfriend. In fact, make a “bucket list” a – ‘before I am engaged’ list. Read a book, rather than feel the pressure to plan the wedding, start watching a new TV series together to have finished before you are engaged (that’s the challenge, do it in a month!).
This also gives your boyfriend time to plan the actual proposal, this is his moment to shine, let him do it in his own time, in the time he planned to do it in.
Edited for typos.
Post # 15
OMG this reminds me of me! We bought my ring (together!) 30 August last year and I ended up in HOSPITAL that very same night (I hadn’ been feeling well but they had a special deal night on and there was no way I wasn’t coming out with FH to see my precious again! haha). Anyway I was in and out of emergency & ended up having an op … the whole saga was about two weeks long and my mum flew over from NZ to support me. It was KILLING me the whole time that I couldn’t say anything about it to anyone! When I was in the worst pain FH would cheer me up by rubbing my ring finger 😛 It was agony in more ways than one – yet also amazing because there was something good to take my mind off the pain. I’ll never forget having coffee with mum and my MIL-to-be when I was recovering and wanting to blurt out my secret! Lol. Especially given all the praise FH was getting for the absolutely amazing way he was taking care of me. Amusingly, I think my mum really got a sense of how committed we were to each other that time 😛
Anyway, he waited til a couple of weeks after I came right to pop the question and it was so much time to finally tell everyone. I know it’s horrible having to wait but just focus on the fact that it’s not going to be forever!
Post # 16
seriously? it’s only a month girl! you can do that. can’t you understand where your SO is coming from? put yourself in your BIL/SIL shoes, wouldn’t you be really annoyed/sad that someone announced their engagement right before your wedding when they could have waited just that tiny bit longer? you should be happy that your SO is so thoughtful towards his brother, mark of a good man.