Post # 1
Maybe you could help my FI and I get some perspective on this. My FI and I live together, very far from all of our family. We got engaged recently and have been dating for a little over 5 years. We are both in our mid twenties. While I was thrilled to get engaged to him, I feel like our wedding has been kind of hard to imagine. But its not really why you would think.
My FSIL has signed up to work abroad for the next 2.5 years. She can’t talk to use very much due to their remote location and she won’t be able to return until the end of their mission. I want to plan our wedding and feel exicted about it, but its hard to be excited for something that is either going to be 3 years from now, or will not include my FSIL. It makes me sad thinking about waiting another 3 years to marry my FI, but I love FSIL and it also makes me sad that she might not be at our wedding. I’ve been trying to convince FI to elope or to have a really small wedding so FSIL won’t really miss anything, but in truth, I think we both want to have a big wedding (and so do our families).
I guess another part of this is that we didn’t get to say goodbye to FSIL when she left last month due to cancelled flights. She has given us her blessing to have the wedding without her, but :(. Has anything like this happened to anyone else? I was thinking that we could possibly honeymoon in the country that she’s in to include her in our celebration some how if we decide to have it next year.
Post # 3
@kclRN: Can she watch remotely? you can also send her a copy of the dvd from the wedding. How about getting her involved in some other way so she is a part of the ceremony even though she isn’t there.
Post # 4
That’s a tough situation but I think your FSIL wants you to go ahead with your big wedding plans, she even gave you her blessing and told you to. It’s silly to wait 3+ years when you don’t have to. I think just getting a videographer so when she does get home she can watch the video or you can post some of it online for her to watch would be nice so she could at least see it later.
Post # 5
@beesbelle: Hmmm I didn’t even think of that….That could be a really good idea if we could get it to work. Thank you 🙂
Post # 6
I wouldn’t put my life on hold for 3 years. No way. She has made decisions for herself and her life and you should too. I would go ahead with the wedding and honeymoon that you want.
Post # 7
@kclRN: It’s incredibly sweet to read about someone who gets along with their in-laws-to-be so well that they’re contemplating delaying their marriage three years to include them!
That said- three years is a long, long time to delay something as big as a marriage in order to have a party “just so”.
My fiance and most of my family/friends are military and the nature of that lifestyle is that not everyone can always be there on special occasions, and we have learned over the years to be more flexible with how we mark special occasions. Not everyone will always be available for the things you would like them to be, and those occasions are still special, and those relationships are still strong, even without picture-postcard holidays together.
The thing I would worry about most, if you wait all those years for your FSIL to return, is that something else will go wrong (someone wil become ill or die or move, someone else will go abroad, someone will schedule something else for that time, people will have babies or break up nastily or… you know, life things will happen) and someone ELSE won’t be able to be there, or some other aspect of the wedding you value won’t be feasible, and you may have some regret or disappointment after waiting SO long just to have it be the way you pictured.
If your FSIL has given you her blessing, and you are otherwise excited and ready to move ahead with wedding planning, I would do so. You can send her pictures, or ask her to send you something to include in the ceremony, and celebrate with her in person when she returns (or even on your honeymoon, as you suggested- personally, if I were away from home for 2.5 years I would MUCH rather get a visit from my newlywedded family members halfway through than have them wait years for me to get back just to watch the vows!).
Post # 8
It is really nice to hear your input. I’ve been feeling so guilty about wanting to continue with the wedding plans but I feel a little bit better after this. I just hope I can get FI on board. He said he wants me to be happy and he wants to plan the wedding too, but I just want him to be happy as well. If we include FSIL with a video or even a live video feed I think this could work out. And of course I will send her an invitation and all that jazz. I might even ask her to be an honorary bridesmaid. We are very close so you can just see the dilemna.
Post # 9
@Bubblesmcgee: I was worried about that too! I’m sure if we waited for the full 3 years, some people that we want to include won’t be around anymore or life will get in the way of others attending. I really appreciate what you said. We’ve basically just been putting everything on hold because we were torn about this but I think we can potentially move forward with some planning and include FSIL in a special way too.
Post # 10
I wouln’t wait for her, or worry about visitng her during your honeymoon.
Post # 11
That’s sweet that you want to include your FSIL. Like PP have said, there are lots of special ways she can be involved without her actually being there. Best of luck!
Post # 12
Uhm, have your wedding WITHOUT HER and don’t visit FSIL on your honeymoon.
I mean she signed up for living abroad, it was a choice – didn’t she think she’d miss some life events???
Write her a letter after the wedding expaining that you wish she was there, send her the wedding video when it’s ready and take her out to dinner when she gets back.
Don’t plan your wedding/honeymoon to revolve around FSIL’s curent living situation.
Post # 13
Didn’t vote because you should add one more choice… Don’t wait for FSIL and don’t visit her on Your honeymoon. That would be my vote.
i like the idea of her watching through video. It is very touching that you are even thinking about waiting and if she were to be back next year I would say wait BUT three years means that your life is on hold. She made life choices for her and you and FI need to make life choices for you.
Post # 14
@ashleynicoleisengaged: Thanks for the input. I really still think it would be awesome to visit her (if even for a day) on our honeymoon. She is in a truly awesome location and FI and I are kind of adventurers and have always wanted to go there anyway.
I guess I will have to talk to FI about this. We picked out a date for next April, and I think that would be awesome if it worked out so we could start planning some stuff.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t wait 3 years for her. As for visiting, I’d only do it if I were dying to visit her location. But if you have your heart set on honeymooning elsewhere, then go for that!
I definitely recommend looking into a live stream. We got married in the USA, and my DH’s family and friends are all English. While many flew in for the wedding, there were plenty who didn’t make it. We considered a live stream for them (mainly for his grandma, but she passed a few months before), and it was easy enough to find a videographer to do so.