We are torn…

posted 3 years ago in Logistics
  • poll: What would you do?
    Wait for FSIL to have wedding : (0 votes)
    Have wedding and visit FSIL during honeymoon : (29 votes)
    100 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    928 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    @kclRN:  Can she watch remotely? you can also send her a copy of the dvd from the wedding. How about getting her involved in some other way so she is a part of the ceremony even though she isn’t there.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2179 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2024

    That’s a tough situation but I think your FSIL wants you to go ahead with your big wedding plans, she even gave you her blessing and told you to. It’s silly to wait 3+ years when you don’t have to. I think just getting a videographer so when she does get home she can watch the video or you can post some of it online for her to watch would be nice so she could at least see it later.

    Post # 6
    Member
    7070 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I wouldn’t put my life on hold for 3 years. No way. She has made decisions for herself and her life and you should too. I would go ahead with the wedding and honeymoon that you want.

    Post # 7
    Member
    493 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @kclRN:  It’s incredibly sweet to read about someone who gets along with their in-laws-to-be so well that they’re contemplating delaying their marriage three years to include them!

    That said- three years is a long, long time to delay something as big as a marriage in order to have a party “just so”.

    My fiance and most of my family/friends are military and the nature of that lifestyle is that not everyone can always be there on special occasions, and we have learned over the years to be more flexible with how we mark special occasions. Not everyone will always be available for the things you would like them to be, and those occasions are still special, and those relationships are still strong, even without picture-postcard holidays together.

    The thing I would worry about most, if you wait all those years for your FSIL to return, is that something else will go wrong (someone wil become ill or die or move, someone else will go abroad, someone will schedule something else for that time, people will have babies or break up nastily or… you know, life things will happen) and someone ELSE won’t be able to be there, or some other aspect of the wedding you value won’t be feasible, and you may have some regret or disappointment after waiting SO long just to have it be the way you pictured.

    If your FSIL has given you her blessing, and you are otherwise excited and ready to move ahead with wedding planning, I would do so. You can send her pictures, or ask her to send you something to include in the ceremony, and celebrate with her in person when she returns (or even on your honeymoon, as you suggested- personally, if I were away from home for 2.5 years I would MUCH rather get a visit from my newlywedded family members halfway through than have them wait years for me to get back just to watch the vows!).

    Post # 10
    Member
    291 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I wouln’t wait for her, or worry about visitng her during your honeymoon.

     

     

    Post # 11
    Hostess
    7630 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    That’s sweet that you want to include your FSIL. Like PP have said, there are lots of special ways she can be involved without her actually being there. Best of luck! 

    Post # 12
    Member
    2562 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Uhm, have your wedding WITHOUT HER and don’t visit FSIL on your honeymoon.

    I mean she signed up for living abroad, it was a choice – didn’t she think she’d miss some life events???

    Write her a letter after the wedding expaining that you wish she was there, send her the wedding video when it’s ready and take her out to dinner when she gets back.

    Don’t plan your wedding/honeymoon to revolve around FSIL’s curent living situation.

    Post # 13
    Member
    28 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Didn’t vote because you should add one more choice… Don’t wait for FSIL  and don’t visit her on Your honeymoon. That would be my vote.

    i like the idea of her watching through video. It is very touching that you are even thinking about waiting and if she were to be back next year I would say wait BUT three years means that your life is on hold. She made life choices for her and you and FI need to make life choices for you. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    4072 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I wouldn’t wait 3 years for her. As for visiting, I’d only do it if I were dying to visit her location. But if you have your heart set on honeymooning elsewhere, then go for that!

    I definitely recommend looking into a live stream. We got married in the USA, and my DH’s family and friends are all English. While many flew in for the wedding, there were plenty who didn’t make it. We considered a live stream for them (mainly for his grandma, but she passed a few months before), and it was easy enough to find a videographer to do so.

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