(Closed) We aren’t “allowed” to get engaged

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I really think you need to talk to your sister about this. If she isn’t in a serious relationship and doesn’t really care, maybe she can talk to your mom. I have to agree with your friends though and you should get married at the time that is right for you and your fiance.

Post # 4
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I understand it is a cultural tradition but in my opinion, it is not one that deserves your consideration in this situation.

1. You guys have no other reason to wait. You are otherwise totally ready; you’re more than mature enough age-wise (if you were in your early 20’s I might say there’s no harm in waiting another couple of years, but you’re not).

2. Your sister is nowhere close. It might be a little different if she were in a long-term relationship and could reasonably expected to be getting engaged within another year or two, but for anyone to expect you to put your life on hold for a completely hypothetical event that may never even come to pass is SO RIDICULOUS that I honestly don’t see how anyone can demand this of you in all seriousness.

I know you don’t want to upset your family, but this is SUCH an unreasonable request. Again, if you had a timeframe for when your sister’s engagement would most likely occur, you would be very generous to consider waiting, but you don’t. I would imagine that at this point, if you were to continue to wait, your fiance will grow frustrated with the situation, and rightfully so. I think you just need to explain to your parents that you cannot put your own life, and relationship, on hold indefinitely when there is no way to know when, or IF even, it will happen for your sister.

Post # 5
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I second what MrsMeNow said about talking to your sister.  Rather than her feeling guilt/pressure, I would think she’d join your “team” and the two of you can talk to your mother together to try to help her understand.

It also may be a dirty, underhanded move; but you could also point out to your Mom that allowing this to happen may result in grandkids sooner (or that by not allowing you to wed, she may lose her chance for grandchildren).

Post # 6
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree that you may want to get your sister involved to see if she would be willing to talk to your mom. It seems a bit uncalled for to demand that 2 mature people who want to get married be asked to put their lives and futures on hold for a situation that may never happen. Your mother is acting ridiculous.


Post # 7
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

What if your sister doesn’t get married for another 10+ years? I’m guessing you’re about 30 or so? Does your mother realize if you don’t get married for another 40+ years the chances of you being able to have children get significantly lower (I’m making asumption that this would be important for you all)? I realize that’s kinda worst case scenario (well worst would be if your sister NEVER got married) but its worth thinking about.mi agree with PP. talk to your sister and maybe she can talk some sense into your mum.

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