Post # 1
Happy Friday Hive!
As soon as we were engaged, FI and I put together our guest list…about 200 guests. I took care of all the addresses for everyone on my side, and he did the same with all of his family and friends. Last week we send the STD’s off the the calligrapher (who we got for FREE!), and now we’re just waiting for them to come back.
Last night, we started casually talking about some of his friends who we really haven’t seen or talked to in awhile. He then realized that they’re actually friends who he met thru an old roomate, and since they dont live together anymore, he doesn’t talk to them. My obvious response to that was “well then why are we inviting them to our wedding??” I’d rather save the $500 per couple!
He’s worried that since he already asked for their addresses – that we’re obligated to invite them. My feeling is that we havent’ even sent out Save the Dates…we can still make cuts from the guest list.
Post # 3
Hmmm…well I would say that technically you do not have to invite them, since you have not yet sent out your STDs. However, I would be prepared for a possible awkward conversation then, because I know that if someone asked for my address and then I never got an invite, I might be a little hurt.
Then again, if your FI doesn’t even talk to them and they aren’t really friends, maybe they would come anyway, or wouldn’t be offended.
Post # 4
If all you asked for was their address and you don’t want to invite them, than I would say that you don’t have to invite them.
But, if it were me, and I asked them “can I have your address so I can send you a wedding invitation?” than I might feel obligated to send them one since I already announced it to them and it would be awkward later if they didn’t receive one and asked about it.
If all you asked for was the address and if it ever comes up as to why, you could just say that you were updating your address book or something.
Post # 5
Are these people that you’ll run into socially in the future? Like do you have friends in common? How long has it been since your fiance stopped talking to them?
I would think (although I’m not an expert) that if you haven’t yet sent a STD to them, you’re not technically obligated to invite them. If you decided not to do it, and they mentioned something, you could always say that you were sorry you had to cut your number down for various reason or something.
Post # 6
Did you guys tell them WHY you were asking for their address? I had the same situation happen with me, kinda. We started reviewing our list and trying to see who we could cut. Well, his mother was nice enough to forget to mail a STD to two of his guy cousins, who he rarely sees anyway. I asked his sister if she had told them WHY she wanted their address and she said NO, she just asked for their address. So, that was an easy call for us.
So, basically, if you DIDN’T tell them why you wanted it, you’re pretty much in the clear. If you DID tell them, screw it!!! At $500 a couple, I would totally not be inviting NOT CLOSE friends. Just my opinion.
Post # 7
$500 a COUPLE???????????????? <falls over dead>
Post # 8
Hmm, I would lean more toward not inviting them if you didn’t tell them why you needed their address. But if you e-mailed them, and you said, “hey, we’re getting married and want to invite you! What’s your address?” then well, you might run into some problems with that.
Just keep in mind that they might not even come if you invite them. We found that for friends we hadn’t seen in a long time, but felt obligated to invite, they declined. So I think it’s up to you to figure out if you would one, run into them in the future, and it would cause hurt feelings, or two, if you think they’ll even care.
Post # 9
You don’t have to. Depending on how you know these folks, it might be weird going forward, but they should just let it slide.
It’s happened to me twice that I was asked for my address and SO’s name from a newly engaged person, a friendly acquaintance or old friend who’s fallen out of touch, and then never invited. Although I would have enjoyed going, I can’t say that I expected it, and when I see them again (usually in larger groups of friends) I don’t mention it.
Post # 10
Yeh, a good way to cover is to send them a card to say, great running into you. Throw them off the trail a lil. And I sympathize with your cost per couple. Some venues are $250 pp in the Northeast.
Post # 11
I don’t think there is any need to invite them unless as mentioned above you told them what you were asking for their addresses for or if you had already sent out a STD…
I will speak from experience however, some people think that if they have been told you are getting married, read an annoucement in the mail, or have your parents happen to tell them about the wedding they just expect to get an invite….
I think its just about how comfortable you feel if there is that stranger interaction if they do not get an invite…
<p class=”MsoNormal” style=”margin: 0in 0in 0pt;”><span style=”font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;”>
Post # 12
I would say unless you told them you wanted the address so you could send them an STD, you don’t need to. If you do get their address you can send them a greeting card to throw them off : )