Post # 1
I can’t really bring myself to write about the details, but my SO and I broke up last night. Our 2 year anniversary would have been 1 month from now. We don’t live together but were about to do that (as in, we had toured and applied for apartments).
Things had not been smooth recently, and part of me does think this might be for the best. Another part of me feels like the best guy I’ve ever known is gone from my life.
I’m 30, and over the past 2 years I think I’ve let my social circle shrink quite a bit. Not something I minded, I was over going out all the time. I still have a few very close friends, who I am SO grateful for. But they have their significant others, and while I know they’ll be there for me, it’s not the same as when we were in our 20’s. I can’t (and don’t want to) drown my sorrows with drinks and dancing every night.
I know all of the advice… “join a club, be busy,” etc but I think it might be helpful for me to hear stories of any of you have dealt with this? Specifically when you’re not as young anymore? I know it could be a lot worse, if we were married, had kids, etc. but right not this feels so painful.
Post # 3
No advice here, just a lot of hugs.
Post # 5
Hugs! So sorry you’re having to go through this.
Post # 6
I am so sorry that your relationship didn’t go the way you’d like it to- but it’s great that you’re already able to see that it was a good decision. Thank goodness you didn’t have joint commitments like an apartment, a home, children, or a marriage to split up as well. Take this opportunity to spend more time working on your career, getting to know your close friends again (more nights in, hanging out without the clubs and alcohol), and maybe taking classes or going back to school? I think the “stay busy” advice is always the best- because an idle mind is dangerous when you have that kind of pain lurking- but there are productive ways to occupy your time. I am right there with you!!
Post # 7
Sooo sorry. Big hugs. I’m glad you were wise enough to know it was time to walk away. I think alot of girls are not strong enough to see the relationship for what it is, and the closer they are to 30 the more they feel like they need to settle. But i have known lots of ladies who have found love later in life, and have always been so happy they waited and didnt settle.
Good luck to you!
Post # 8
i’m so sorry : [ that’s terrible : [
I totally agree with MrsPeachMartini. Staying busy is the best thing to do. When i broke up with my ex (4 year relationship), i had to keep busy to stay sane. Somebody told me once that naps and moping after a breakup is what kills you. After the breakup, the thing that probably helped me the most was joining a gym. There was just something about driving to the gym after work (and listening to awesome music on the ride there), using up all of my energy and frustration while working out, driving home with more awesome music, eating dinner, showering, and bedtime. It kept me really busy, helped me focus on making myself better, and seriously helped emotionally with all the frustration and anger that i was feeling.
i also went on a mini vacation to visit my best friend and her husband in TN. Went to the movies with friends, made and sold jewelry (my hobby of choice), bought a new pair of shoes every month (haha), and just treated myself. It was a good time to be my own SO if that makes any sense. It was really tough for awhile but I knew I had made the right decision and ultimately i was really happy because I was starting to be myself again (hadn’t seen that person in at least 3 years).
Post # 9
@MrsPeachMartini: I’m so in agerement that I think focusing on my career would be really beneficial for me… The problem is right now (and honestly well before this as well) I just have not been able to concentrate at work.
@Swizzle: Thanks… I’m not actually the one walking away, but I am letting him walk away.
@MissAmethyst: Thanks. Joining a gym is a good idea. I think I’m also going to try to get away this weekend.
@all: thanks for your kind words and hugs.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
When I split with my last ex, I was 29, and I was devestated (he took deceit to a whole new level). I stayed busy, planned trips to see friends who lived far away, hung out with friends and family, and generally focused on everything that was good in my life. 4 months later Mr. LK and I went on our first date, and the rest is happy history.
Post # 11
Im so sorry 🙁 big hugs and vent here if needed. Break ups suck, but they are always a really great reflecting lens on areas of our lives we may not examine often enough. Take time to heal, cry, try new adventures, whatever!
Post # 12
@lovekiss: That’s a great story, thanks
Post # 13
@Molly929: I can relate to the social circle shrinking. I’m 26, and all of my friends are either married, have kids, or both. 2 of them moved over 2 hours away, and the others have their kids activities and school functions to attend (they were younger mothers, so their kids are in pre-k/kindergarden.)
I have to say that if I were to lose my Fiance, whom is my best friend and we both talk about how we really only have eachother in the end (his social circle is an hour south where he grew up) he moved 7 years ago and he only has his few co-worker friends who are nothing more than weekend friends.
Do you work? Do you have friends you could meet and start a new “circle”? Sometimes you just need a refresher, a new start. It’s hard when your friends are on a different page as you especially when you are now starting over.
Even if it means hanging out with cousins maybe, that share your same interest or that are of your age group.
I wish I could give better advice, but you stated the obvious (join a club, get a new hobby … etc).
Post # 14
I say wallow and grieve for the realationship for a while, just make sure you don’t let it overcome you, just allow yourself to having your feelings both good and bad. When I broke with my Ex I through myself into doing other things an didn’t really deal with it. It caused some lingering issues in my mind, because I never truly let go of the relationship, and it eventually came back to bite me in the ass.
Post # 15
I broke up with my ex in March – we would have been 2 years this June. I turned 29 this year, so I’d like to think our situations are similar!
It’s not easy to leave a relationship, especially one where you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with that person.
Be kind to yourself. Get a massage. Eat better and get more exercise. You *will* feel better, and the endorphins from working out will help you feel so much better. Even if they don’t at first, they will help you sleep easier at night. Buy a new lipstick or perfume. Get your nails done or do them yourself. Update your wardrobe. If you want to sleep in all day next Saturday, do it. Because you probably need it. Don’t do it every Saturday, but once or twice is OK. Read some book you’ve been wanting to read.
I know this sounds so similar to the “keep yourself busy” advice, but it’s not meant to. I was so stressed at the end of my last relationship that it was such a relief when I could just take care of myself and not have to worry about anyone else.
Shortly after that relationship ended, I started going out with a friend I met at the dog park. And we are literally *perfect* for each other. We both meet the others’ wildest dreams and more, and I’ve never been happier. He *wants* me and says almost every day how he can’t wait to make me his wife. I feel like I’ve walked into a dream, and that dream happens to be my reality!
So it *does* get better. But the next few weeks you need to be nice to yourself, and give yourself the things you’ve been denying it for a while, whatever that may be.
Post # 16
@Anise: I was so stressed at the end of my last relationship that it was such a relief when I could just take care of myself and not have to worry about anyone else.
Yes, I can relate to this!