We cannot keep our house clean – help!

posted 3 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@wannabecleanfreak:  Hire someone to clean your place. Even twice a month would do wonders for your place (and, more importantly, your marriage). It’s worth really examining your budget to eke out some money for this. This is the kind of issue that can really get under your skin and derail your marriage.

Post # 4
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

If he hates clutter and you hate dirt, what about springing for a maid once a week? If you keep the place fairly sanitary, it should only be a couple hours once a week! Which should be good for reasonable rates.

Post # 6
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

OMG this discribes me and DH to a T, including growing up in a messy house. I swore when I had my own people could stop by at any point and I wouldn’t be embarassed because my house would be clean. Hopefully soneome can offer a solution because I hae yet to find one besides me cleaning up multiple times a day (DH and I work different shifts so I pick up in the morning the mess he made the night before.) I have argued for a made once or twice a month forever, but with 3 kids we can’t justify the money-even though with 3 kids we could desperately use it.

Post # 7
Member
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Make a chores list. Seriously- DH and I are going to make one next week. I’m a real estate agent, and my life is about to go nutty with the spring market. We’re going to have a cleaner once a month, but for the inbetween- we’ll trade off on cleaning the bathroom, etc.

Your DH has to stop throwing your stuff out, though- NOT cool. Maybe have a box set aside for stuff he thinks you don’t need, that you review first

Post # 8
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I suggest you start with yourself.

If you can’t afford a housekeeper you have two choices- keep doing what you are doing and drive yourself crazy, or change.

There are lots of websites that have good ideas for orgnization.

After you fix yourself, you will be in a better position to insist on some changes from him.

Post # 11
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Yeah I have this problem with my FI.  Honestly, I knew that unless I cleaned everything the house would be a disaster.  I talked to him several times about cleaning etc. and he swore up and down he would help me clean and not be as messy as he was before.  Obviously I am not stupid and knew these were lies, and they were.  His mom literally waited on him hand and foot growing up and cleaned his room and bathroom everyday, he never had to.  He doesn’t even know how to do laundry.  When he got his own place, I refused to go over there after about a month.  He had ruined it.  You would not believe the smell and the piles of dishes in the sink, I am not kidding people it was unbelievable.  I also refuse to ride in his truck, he has trash and clutter pilled up in the backseat to where you can’t see out the back window.  He doesn’t see why this is a problem.  This is probably the biggest issue I have with him, but lately I’ve just gotten used to cleaning up both our messes, quickly before his gets out of control.  Good practice for having kids I guess! 🙂  I’m hoping we will be able to afford a maid in a few months to come every week, I think this will for sure solve most of the problem for us.    

Post # 12
Hostess
9892 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@wannabecleanfreak:  we’re the same.  The mess drives FH crazy and the clutter drives me mental.  netiher of us leave dirty dishes around – although I do use a ‘garbage bowl’ when I cook which annoys FH to know end (he doesn’t cook so he doesn’t understand that walking to the garbage can every 30 seconds is super annoying.

He has recently gotten really good about staying on top of the dishes (I don’t do dishes. period. we have a dishwasher, he doesn’t like to use it, therefore he gets to do the dishes).

No matter what we try, we’ll get the place spotless, give it 2 weeks and it’s a disaster all over again.  Right now I’m sitting here wathcing TV, on the bee, and having a glass of wine.  He’s on the other computer doing his friday unwind (reading random wiki articles and watching youtube videos) and I”m getting annoyed by the mess but can’t be bothered to do anything about it…

Post # 13
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with previous posters…hire a maid once or twice a month. It will save your marriage and your sanity.

In the meantime, designate a space for “clutter” that needs to be reviewed before 1) either trashing it, or 2) finding a permanent home for it.

Also, make cleaning easier for yourselves by buying the right cleaning products for you. I, for example, cannot live without Clorox wipes. It takes me literally 3 minutes to wipe down the counters with them.

Finally, decide who is doing what. I refuse to do laundry. Hate it. So, he does laundry and I clean the bathroom. He doesn’t mind doing the laundry, and I hate a dirty bathroom. Easy trade off, and it’s harder to slack on your chores if someone else it holding you accountable.

Remember, though, this is not that big of a deal in the big picture, so pick your battles and work through it together.

xoxo

Post # 14
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@wannabecleanfreak:  Ah!!  I so get what you’re going through.  H is decent about taking care of clutter, but when he says “I cleaned the house!”  he means “I picked up and organized/threw out all the crap of mine that’s been lying around for weeks!”

I am the ONLY one who ever actually scrubs anything.  What’s even more frustrating is that he REFUSES to let us hire a maid.  He’s scared they’ll steal from us.  I don’t know what to do other than just accept that I’m gonna have to clean 🙁

Post # 15
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Cleaning is EASY – there is no part of cleaning that anyone CAN’T do. Most of the pushback against cleaning is MENTAL. We do not WANT to do it, we feel we should not HAVE to do it, we feel we’re too GOOD to do it…something along those lines. So THAT’S the part we need to tackle. You will never ever successfully solve the issue until you do this.

Being married actually makes this WORSE. You would think, hey, there are two people to do it now so it will be easier but it just isn’t. He thinks YOU should clean it, you think HE should clean it (or not make the mess in the 1st place) and there you have it…diffusion of responsibility and nothing gets done.

In my house, there was always a line that ran straight down the front of the toilet. I was puzzled by this line. I once got up UNDER the bowl to see if it was leaking because I couldn’t wrap my head around how the line kept getting there. I still don’t understand how a man could miss that big ass toilet bowl. I mean it wasn’t like peeing in a teacup — it’s a HUGE bowl! How could that line continue to appear on there?! Every time I had to clean it I WAS PISSED!! But you see, it really only takes a minute or two to clean it – requires no skill whatsoever but it would take my MIND sometimes DAYS to make myself get in there and do it. DAYS. And that’s what sometimes keeps us from accomplishing our goals there. All it took was a conversation about the line to resolve the issue. He just wasn’t conscious of it. He tried to not do it and when he failed, I was more receptive about cleaning it – more often than not, HE would clean it when he missed though.

And it’s sneaky little things like that we need to find a way around. That mildew line in your toilet…get a Clorox toilet wand and clean it. 3-4 minutes VOILA! You do not NEED to do the whole bathroom. Just do that one thing and you will feel better for it. Don’t let your mind trick you into thinking there’s a rule saying you need to set aside a whole hour to clean the whole bathroom. There is no such law. Just take the 3-4 minutes, clean the toilet and go live your life. It’s that easy.

Post # 16
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t live with my FI yet so I don’t know how it’ll be when we live together but I have constant guilt and irritation at my apartment being messy. I have two teens and we all have a busy schedule so that doesn’t help. 

My FI is a very clean / germ conscious person but his room has papers on the floor that have been there since I met him. We’re gonna be a great pair, lol.

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