- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
May be kind of creepy, but I've lived in the Capital region. Where exactly does FI want to live?
I don't think it's wrong of you. Has he factored in the additional cost of having to drive so far to work and school? I know that for me, a 45 minute drive to work would mean filling up the tank every other day. That's an expense I know we couldn't afford and we probably make more than you do.
But then on the other hand, look at the cost of the area you want to live. Does it make up for the difference between how much the gas would be living in the other place?
I guess just running through the numbers of the two different places to see how either would work for you might be in your favor.
@HilaryT: Okay and you are in Schenectaday or work in Schenectady?
I lived their :) Are you guys lookin to buying a house or renting?
@MissAsB: I guess the rent and such would be cheaper if we lived where he wants too. But your also right about gas. I mean I drive a efficant car getting about 40 miles to the gallon. Its nore his car or should I say cars. (he has two thats a whole other can of worms) That only get like 20 miles to the gallon and only take priemuim gas.
Yep, I've lived this...except we were already married when he made a decision that affected both of us.
Basically, DH graduated last year (in May) with a degree in Education. He decided he didn't want to teach (possibly ever) before we got married (in June). Since we weren't married yet (2 weeks before the wedding) he made this HUGE decision and he thought that I didn't need to be a part of it. Well, he decided that he wanted to be a manager at McDonald's because he's always worked in the food industry throughout high school and college.
Needless to say, I was PISSED. Mainly because I worked AN HOUR away from where he wanted to work. He had decided that he wanted to work at this specific franchise which was based in 2 counties 50+ miles from where I had worked for over a year. At this point, we were married a few months when he finally told me that he wasn't going to apply to any teaching jobs. We lived with his parents for 3 months after we were married and I drove an hour to work...this usually meant that I would stay with my parents during most days of the week because it was closer to where I worked. Eventually, I quit my job in order to start looking for jobs closer to him. I was unemployed for 4 months and began to resent him...a lot.
We've worked it out since then (Thank God, I think his crisis is over...he's about to start applying for teaching jobs), but I wouldn't wish that on anyone. He hurt my feelings so badly because it was as if my job/opinions/life plans didn't matter as much as his and I just had to "suck it up." I think you guys need to work it out before the wedding!! Trust me, I know it sucks. See if there's any way to compromise and live in the middle?
Is it possible to split the difference?
Also, as the other person said talk about cost. Put together a template that adds all the extra gas, miles of wear and tear, as well as hours in the car related to commute related to all the options.
A 45 minute commute for you is 7.5 hours a week, assuming 5 days per week. He's asking you to commute 4 more hours a week than he is willing to commute. Unless he's willing to do 4 extra hours per week of housework or whatever to even things out, he needs to be willing to work out a better location. It's disturbing that his way of handling this is to pout about it instead of trying to work it out, especially since it seems the burden of commuting to see each other currently falls entirely on you.
@Eva Peron: Yes I live in Schenectaday/Niskayuna. And work in Rotterdam. Rent we are thinking of for the first year of marriage at least. Basicly by our first anniversery he will have finsihed school and may get a job else were depending.
@JennBug89: Im trying to get him to compromise and but he says well we could live in Ravena which is where he lives now. To be honest he has looked into other areas as well. But I guess me saying I dont want to live there is a issue.
@Jinxstar: I know but sadly this is what he does sometimes. I love him to death I do and i know hes my soul mate. But one some levels he is still in his own little boy world. I know he will come around and talk to me about it. Its just takes time. What really bothers me is I end up feeling guilty cause hes sulking.
@HilaryT: You definitely shouldn't feel guilty. I didn't read your date/location line and realize you were in the Albany area. My fiance is from Albany and he agrees that Ravena to Rotterdam is too long a commute and there are a lot of affordable options. I'm guessing your fiance is going to school in Albany, in which case he thinks Colonie, Westmere, or Delmar would be better choices.
@Jinxstar: True hes going to SUNY Albany. Im a alumi from there actually 2009. I dont mind even Albany or Coloine would be better then Delmar. He did just call me and said he was sorry he pouted so much, and actually dozed off for a nap before getting back to me. He works nights and his sleep sch is all messed up.
Anywho we argeed that we would weigh all the pros and cons of liveing in each place. And basicly it would come down to where it was most afforable all ways and had the most perks lol. So hes coming around to being more open to discussion about it which is great. So Im a much happier camper now.
Thank you everyone for all your input and advice. :)
@HilaryT: I'm glad you are working this out. And yeah, working nights can really mess with people.
Get out a map and go old school with a protrator drawing circles on it. Tell him, this is where you work and you want a 20 minute commute. Then this is where you work and you want a 20 minute commute as well. Oh! They overlap here.
It's very hard to him to argue with this saying that he ought to get a shorter commute. Now maybe his area is a nicer one with fabulous art galleries you both want to live near (or puppy shops or your favorite restaurant...), but it needs to be a mutual decision not one person imposing their wishes on another.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 94 |
| ndreighton | 77 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 56 |
| beargoose | 55 |
| Mrs.KMM | 46 |
| akp0702 | 42 |
| BetterSherm | 42 |
| MrsBlueSeptember | 41 |
| MrsPom | 37 |
| Beckster329 | 37 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| TheJeanses2012 | 4 |
| ladyartichoke | 2 |
| MissBoPeep | 1 |
| becauseilovehim | 1 |
| burris4 | 1 |
| Mrs. Chai | 1 |
| AB Bride | 1 |
| bluewolverine | 1 |
| Mrs. Mustang | 1 |
| MrsPom | 1 |
Ok so right now my FH and I live at our respective parents house. About 40 mintues away from each other. Basicly how we see each other is I drive to his house once a week after work. I work at a school and get out at 2pm. Anywho we have bin talking alot about where we wanna live with we move in together in May or June.
Basicly it comes down to I wanna live around where I live now. Its close to my work, my parents etc. Close to his work and school too, maybe 15 mintues. He wants to live farther away about 45 mintues from my work and 20 from his job and school. I told him straight out that I dont wanna live there and now hes being all pissy not talking to me about it.
I dont know I wanted to be honest with him, but now I feel like the bad guy saying I didnt want to live there. Was I in the wrong?