Post # 1
Yeah, our priest said “This is the absolute lowest score I’ve ever seen.” I’m pretty heartbroken and upset. The priest was so abraisive and rude, I told Fiance I was not getting married in the Catholic church, so I think the wedding may be off.
Post # 3
I took the foccus test…and based on the questions, since there aren’t like “wrong answers,” because a lot of them are like “we have discussed,” or “I am uncomfortable with my future spouse doing…” or “I am concerned about…” if you do get a “really bad score” on it, well, I would be worried too!
but…with that said, I am really sorry that you’re upset. I do hope that at the very least, the content of the test will remind you and your fiance of things that might need to be discussed! 🙂
Post # 4
You can’t fail foccus. Were your answers completely different or did you just have different ways of answering, like one of you was more likely to put undecided than agree or disagree?
If your answers were completely different it probably does mean you and your Fiance have a lot of talking to do about issues that will affect your lives as a couple, cause you probably have very different ways of approaching things. Not that that’s all bad but it is something that probably should be addressed before marriage.
And your priest does sound maybe like he wasn’t the best fit for you, you could always talk about switching priests than just refusing the church all together.
Post # 5
The test isn’t a pass/fail sort of test. It’s supposed to bring up discussion points for you and your future spouse to think about before you embark on the sacrament of marriage. We discussed our Foccus test with a marriage counselor assigned by the catholic church and he went through all the questions that we were very different on. I agree that maybe it is the priest that is not a good fit.
Post # 6
I’m sorry the priest wasn’t nice about it but I would be really nervous if we had such different answers that qualified to say we “FAILED”. There were questions like, I think its ok to use physical violence when I’m angry!!!!
Post # 7
The point of taking Foccus is to bring up issues that you disagree on or haven’t discussed before. I don’t think you can ‘fail’, but I am sorry that your priest was rude. You could try another priest or church, or you could just continue with your classes and see what it was that you two need to talk about.
Post # 8
Maybe a test given by a celibate old man with no formal education in therapy isn’t the best way to judge your overall compatibility in such a final fashion. IMO only the two of you can decide if it will work or not. The rest is just hoops that you jump through. Don’t be discouraged by this.
Post # 9
@apex: You told your FH you wouldn’t get married in the Catholic church so now he doesn’t want to marry you at all? I’d say the Foccus worked.
Post # 10
I have zero knowledge of the Catholic church, but I wanted to just give a comment here as well from my experience in pre-marital counseling – my pastor came right out and said that he did NOT like marrying young people! He had a very hostile attitude towards us it seemed, and I have been very tempted to just say nevermind, we’ll get someone else to do it.
I know that’s not related to your topic, but there must be something going on with clergy these days and marriage. It’s sad – when we’re supposed to be at our happiest and trying to learn how our faith should play into the marriage, we’re basically being beat up.
Post # 11
@smith2be: I inappropriately lol’d. Sorry, but it’s true. I’m not the least bit religious, but if someone needed to go through this class to figure out where they stand on issues, and you’ve apparently ‘failed’ the discussion, I’d say it might be a good sign? Now you have huge conversation points to discuss. And also if you’re not willing to be married in the catholic church and the wedding ‘might be off’ because of it, you’ve got bigger fish to fry.
Post # 12
…We’re going in for our first FOCCUS session tonight. Now I’m nervous.
Post # 13
It’s kind of a shock to us because we communicate very well. Going through the test, Fiance was like “Wait, I put that?” and “That’s not what I think!” so I am starting to wonder if he got off the numbers, because we had a Scantron and then a booklet. It seems like his answers don’t match to the questions hardly at all.
But the “bigger fish to fry” is the rudeness of the priest and his downright asshole-ness to me. I’m not Catholic and to be honest, Fiance is a very very VERY lapsed Catholic. But I AM stepping up and going to RCIA and trying to understand the faith and agreeing to allow children to be raised Catholic.
I really feel like the victim in all this, to be completely honest. I’m putting myself out there and not getting anywhere with the church. If I were a betting woman, I’d bet the farm that church would prefer he marry a young naive little Catholic girl that’ll pop out fifty thousand little Catholic babies.
Post # 14
And it wasn’t any sort of class. Two scantrons and a booklet were thrown at us and the “priest” said “do this”.
Post # 15
@apex: “I’d bet the farm that church would prefer he marry a young naive little Catholic girl that’ll pop out fifty thousand little Catholic babies.
Why are you trying to marry someone that believes in a church you would say this about? If you are going to be bitter about the Catholic element in your relationship, it doesn’t seem as though you should be going through with RCIA or a Catholic marriage. It sounds as though you are sacrificing your fundamental religious beliefs for your fiance, and that you are not ok with it (and neither would I – proud Athiest married to another Athiest). That’s a hell of a lot of baggage to start a marriage off with.
Post # 16
@apex: Maybe see if you can take it online? The online test is very easy to understand and may put you guys at ease.