Weddingbee boards

So the Boy and I have been together for 5 years.  We recently moved in together.  I've always known that I was going to be the bread winner in our relationship, but never really cared.  I love the Boy and the money he makes or doesn't make doesn't make a bit of difference to me. 

Over the weekend he mentioned that we should go look at some jewelery stores to get an idea of what I like.  HOORAY! 

The Boy recently worked at a company as a temporary hire, and yesterday he received his full time offer.  So he received his salary information and all the benefits stuff.  This lead to us trying to figure out the best way to use it (i.e, pay off his college loans).  After that discussion the Boy then says something along the lines of now that you know what I'll be making, you realize I don't have a lot of money to spend on a ring.  Now this was always something I knew.  We don't make a fortune and I wasn't expecting some huge rock or anything like that.  I explained that to him, which then led to him explaining a new idea.

His mom offered him her past engagement ring from his dad (they are currently divorced).  Right off the bat I am flattered (although slightly put off that I would be getting her divorce ring).  I feel very special for her to offer it to me...mind you I have never seen said ring since they have been divorced since the Boy was 3.  Anywho, he mentions that we could use the diamond and have it re-set.  Sounds like a good plan so far.  Well then I just HAD to ask what shape it is so that I know what kind of settings to look at.  To which he provides the most un-flattering descriptions of a diamond I have ever heard; "It's this tiny little pear shaped thingy".

OK, OK, I'm not going to let myself get too upset by this.  So I go to the computer and start looking for setting to fit a pear shape.  He looks over and see the ones I'm looking at and his response to that is:  "Oh its way smaller than those, it wouldnt even fit in those settings its so small".

AAHHHHHHH!  Now I know that the important thing is the marriage, not the ring.  But still.  I have always had at least some idea of what I'd want my engagement ring to look like and the words tiny and pear were not some of the words I would have used to describe it.

I don't know if this is something I should speak to the Boy about or how to handle this.  The Boy did mention that eventually we could 'upgrade' it to something nicer, but in my mind I want to wear the ring I'm proposed to with forever.  It is the ring I will have memories of.  I want it to be the ring that my children and grandchildren see and know that I received the day I was asked. 

What should I do?  I need help!

I'm so amazed by all the people willing to give me advice on this.  I'm still relatively new to this web-site but I'm so greatful for everyone taking their time to help me see this in new ways.

So the mom's ring was apparently offered to the Boy's older brother when he got married.  He and his now wife, did not accept the ring.  She wanted a non-diamond for her stone.  So the ring is now available for us.  I don't think his mom was offended when his brother got a different ring, so I'm thinking it wouldn't be that big of a deal if we decided to pass on it too.  I think I'm just too much of a wuss to say something.

We had in briefly discussed the possibility of paying off the ring together.  As in, once we are married your debt is my debt anyway right? So then it would just be one more thing for us to do together :)  A sort of bonding experience.  He never really right out said no to that option, but the Boy is pretty old fashioned.  I think he wants it to be a surprise of what I'm getting and when he does it.  He's made comments about me knowing too much already about the possible 'ring', etc.

I definately agree that we don't want to bite off more than we can chew financially with the ring.  I was very luckly to not have to take out any student loans or have any debt other than my car that will be paid off within a year.  The Boy has some student loans, but definately not anything outrageous.  We also both have savings.  So financially we are stable.  Although who wouldn't love to make more money? :) 

Now I an definately not up for using up all our savings for a ring.  However I am willing to finance or put up some money myself to make it something that he won't feel the need to upgrade later down the road.  I feel so selfish for saying that.

I love the Boy more than anything and am very happy that we are getting close to that point where we are going to be a family.  So I definately don't want to suggest anything to hurt his feelings...on that note, I still would like to have something that fits my style and that HE decided is a ring (whatever size, shape, color) he wants me to have.  Not just give me what's 'free'.  I just want it to be special.

it's just a ring.  honestly.  and this is just the first of a LOT of major expenses to come if you're doing the whole wedding thing too.  i would keep that in mind.

and until you see mom's diamond, don't rule it out.  it's very possible it oculd be used with some other stones to make a really awesome ring.  maybe it's fabulous as is.  you need to see it.  and remember that it's just a ring.

Thanks so much for all of the great advice.  I definatley am excited at the idea of finally being engaged to the Boy no matter what the ring happens to look like.  We've been together for a while and I can honestly say I've never been happier.  I know that the most important thing is the marraige, not the ring. 

I'm guessing that selling the mom ring and using money for another ring is not an option.  I have not seen the ring and I'm guessing that the Boy's description might not be totally accuratet....my Boy usually just describes jewlery as shiney :) At most if we decide not to use if for a ring, I would consider getting it re-set as maybe a necklace or sometihng like that if she would like me to have it.  After all, the ring was offered to Boy's brother's wife first - so I'm not sure how she would feel about it.

If we do go with the mom ring diamond for my ring, I have looked at the halo settings and actually am starting to warm up to that look.  It would definately be a unique ring, as its not something everyone has. So that would be a plus. 

I'm planning to just be honest with him. Explain how I appreciate and am greatful of the offer of the mom's diamond.  I also think that I at least want to tell him my other ideas: if he feels comfortable with us financing a new ring (definately nothing too pricey - sinece we are not trying to go crazy with this) and paying it off together we could do that; if his mom's diamond is the only choice, then see if he would be ok with me showing him settings that I like.  I believe he would be receptive to the idea that I would like the ring he proposes to me with be the ring that I wear forever.  So if he agrees with that and would rather not finance and thinks we should wait to save up some money for it, then I'm fine with that.  I am confident that we are going to be together, so I'm not stuck on the idea of needing to get engaged right away.  I know that he wants me to be his Mrs, so im my mind, we are already very very committed to each other.