(Closed) We finally had “the ring” talk….disappointed

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think you should make due with what you’re financially able to afford right now.  I know it’s the “boring” answer, but it’s the logical one.  When you can “upgrade”, save the ring and maybe use the pear stone to put in a necklace for your first daughter (like her 16th bday or something).  Or you can keep it and pass it down to your son when he wants to get married.  =) 

It’s a blessing =) 

Post # 4
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

It def is the logial boring answer but if this is what you can afford right now, then you will have to accept it and maybe upgrade later.

Post # 5
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Maybe it would help if you actually saw the diamond in person.  It’s hard to compare the real diamond with pictures on the computer just from memory.  

Post # 6
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree… it’s more about the commitment, and if that’s what he is able to afford right now, it’s not at all about the ring, it’s about what it means.  Realy,, it will mean the same thing if it is small and pear shaped or huge and princesss cut.  I also think it is great the he is acknowledging that he would like you to have more, and would like to upgrade later… means he really is thinking about the future and about what you would like.  I say go for it… and look forward to the day you can upgrade the ring, even though the original will still always have a special place!

Post # 7
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

How do you feel about stones other than diamonds?  There are some really affordable and beautiful options if you want to go that route.  You might look into that as a possibility.  That could also be your excuse for not taking the mom’s ring.  Instead of saying, “I don’t like that particular diamond,” you can say, “I actually wanted something other than a diamond.”  I don’t know, just a thought.

Post # 8
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

there are options to get what you want.  most jewerly stores will allow you to do payments – thats what we did.  maybe you can even take old jewerly you dont wear anymore and cash in towards the ring you want – maybe even his mom’s diamond (if she will let you) – i cashed in jewerly from my ex’ bf’s  & bracelets and earrings i dont wear anymore and got more for the gold since i was putting it towards a ring with the jewerly store. 

i agree that you should get what you want because you will be wearing it for *hopefully* the rest of your life. 

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Definately stick with something you can afford but…..that doesnt’ mean you have to take his mom’s ring

You could go for something other than diamond, including a clear stone or colored stone.

Do you think he’d be offended that you don’t take his mom’s stone?

Post # 10
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’d suggest trying to get something new that you like better that you can afford… might not be a diamond. 

It sounds like the main reason his mom’s diamond was suggested was because it is free – not because of its long sentimental history in the family, or because he thinks it’s a great diamond.  Can you get another gemstone in a shape and size you like better?  Or maybe a plain band?  Or an “eternity” type band with gemstones? 

Post # 12
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m going to disagree with most of the other opinions, and ask this question:

Would you be opposed to helping pay for the ring?

I knew that my “dream” ring was out of the range of what FI wanted to spend. So, I offered to help him with the monthly payments and used the rationale of “I want to wear this ring for the rest of my life and I’d like it to be what I wanted.” Even though he’s the “breadwinner” I knew that for us it made sense for me to help with the payments, since our funds would be merging anyway.

Post # 13
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2011

It sounds like you definitely have an idea of what you want.  If you do plan on “upgrading” later, I encourage you to check out diamond alternatives.  I have seen quite a few by Tacori that look amazing and elegant, but without the heavy price tag (check out QVC). Only you would know the real secret!…and then you can afford that upgrade later!

Best Wishes!

Post # 14
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

technically ‘we’ paid for the ring since we have been living together and share a bank account and all the bills.  I would let him know how much he could take towards the ring from his paycheck to ensure we had enough to cover bills and living expenses till we got paid again.  I got an unexpected bonus from my work that covered a LARGE chunk of the ring that allowed him to pick it up sooner then we were expecting.  I think in this day and age it makes sense to pay for the ring together – it’s an investment you both are making. 

Post # 15
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@Petunia123: Well if you do go with his mom’s diamond, you will know what he is getting you because he already told you!!

If you’re not loving the idea of using the diamond (for whatever reason – they are all valid!) don’t feel bad about politely saying no. I personally do not think it is a bad idea to help contribute to an e-ring you will actually love and be happy with. And as PP have mentioned, non-diamond e-rings are always an unique and beautiful option also!

Post # 16
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I told my FI that I would love a family stone as long as it came from a long, happy marriage.  I am kinda supersticious, so I didn’t want a ring from a failed marriage–maybe it’s just my crazy coming out again :o)  Anyway, we were really financially strapped over the last year (got engaged 2/26, married 6/5, then bought a house 7/24 AHHHH), so I finally told him that I didn’t care for a ring at all and that I’d be happy with just a beautiful wedding ring of my choice……he didn’t believe me, so he surprised me with a small-ish beautiful round solitaire in white gold and he’s making payments on it (one year of 0% interest financing).  He didn’t spend a lot on it and we just started working, so it will be paid off within the next few months.  Because he got me the diamond, I decided on a plain white gold wedding band….so we still got what we wanted but didn’t go to far beyond our financial means.  I think we came to a good compromise.

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