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Seeing as I have never really been to a wedding as an adult, I wasn't sure if it was normal or not. Now mind you I wasn't expecting a new car or anything, but I thought it was customary to bring a card or a gift when you went to a wedding...We had at least 80 show up to our and we tallied up 3 gifts, and 3 cards. THere were about 2 or 3 more gifts in the mail. I don't want to seem shallow.... but I guess some part of me at least expected some 70+ congrats cards. I am happy those who came made it, but I figure free booze and food in Dallas' tallest skyscraper would at least be worth a card or something, even if there wasn't any cash in it.
Because I know there are a few bridal martyrs out there, please note this is a personal and free flowing expression, and not a free for all for WB bashing or criticizing.
Have you checked your registry? Guests have up to a year to send you something, so make sure you keep the list going.
I would say that's not normal at all, based on what I've seen through the years and in my own life. I don't know where all this absence of card and gift giving is coming from, unless you were given many gifts at a shower and people don't also give wedding gifts. I have a friend from the South who is shocked we give gifts for both events, as she and her friends and family do not. Not sure if its a regional thing or not, but it appears to be one of the many differences in weddings...I'm in the NE.
So sorry. I think its terrible to not have gotten many cards even!
Did you have a shower? Did you get gifts from most of your other guesta at the shower?
To many people (myself included), only 1 gift is required per wedding. So if I bring a gift to your shower, I'm probably not going to bring one to your wedding as well. Sorry, folks, I'm not made of money.
Oooh, some quick googling on the topic of gift at shower plus gift at wedding is telling me that I'm wrong. I wonder how many friends I've pissed off over the years by only giving one gift?
Definitely don't thinly that's normal; did you have a card box? Is it possible someone stole some of your cards at the reception?
@lwilliams107: I'd be disappointed too. It is customary to give the newlyweds a gift or card of some sort. Hopefully, people will come through and surprise you with cards and or gifts to your residence in the coming weeks.
I was always taught/told there is an "unwritten rule" that you should give a gift at the shower and money at the wedding, unless you missed the shower than you can bring a gift. I normally give what I believe the cost of my meal was plus some... unless the meals over 100 bucks lol.
I'm sorry to say that it's not normal.
Anyways, I've always given a shower gift then brought a card with money to the wedding. At least that's how it's been every wedding/bridal shower I've participated in. I just recently went to a wedding and gave a card with $200 in it. Definitely not in my budget, but that's how these things go unfortunately.
I'm sorry you had a bad turnout. :( hopefully people only forgot and will be mailing them out to you or bringing things over.
hmmm. still wondering if you had a shower....
What was the age range of your guests?
thats definately not the norm.........personally i would not go to a wedding empy handed, and i think its terrible if anyone would do that. eat and drink all you can provide and not so much as a congratulations card......some people are just plain greedy and ignorant.
I had a shower. about 9 or ten guest showed up. and some "doubled" up for a gift. I got about 5 or 6 all together. So I guess the total comes to roughly 8 or 9 gifts in totality. THe age range of my guests was about 22-93 with the majority being over 30.
That's very strange. I, for one, give a gift at every wedding related event (engagement, shower, wedding). Maybe wait it out a bit, maybe some gifts will trickle in?
I'm really sorry this happened to you! I, for one, always bring a gift to the shower and then I get another registry gift for the wedding (that I have sent directly to the couple) AND I bring a nice card to the wedding. I'm also fine with bringing a card with cash/check to the wedding, but FI prefers to gift registry items.
I don't want to sound materalistic - and I don't even really like cards that much - but I'll be super disappointed if we only get a couple of cards/gifts for the wedding. I mean, we're providing dinner and entertainment to these people, the least they can do is drop a $3 greeting card into my nice card box.
@iheartnerds: Yea I kind of felt the same way, and of the 3 or 4 cards only 1 had a gift card inside.... I tried to overlook it because I was feeling like I was being materialistic, but I did put a lot of effort into this wedding, and I felt a little bad that my gift table looked mighty anorexic. My card box was locked (or was suppose to be) so I really hope no one stole anything.
Is there any chance things got stolen? Did you have a cardbox? It just seems too strange to me and unfortunately gift/card stealing at weddings is a common occurrence and needs to be watched.
That's not normal and I'm sorry. I saw the pictures you put up and you looked gorgeous! I hope this isn't putting too big a damper on things. Your wedding was beautiful!
Talk to your mom, MIL and the women of both families and explain the situation. It might be part of the culture where you live that gifts are not given.
I have never, and would never, in a million year, show up without a GIFT and CARD (usually money). But that is the norm where I live....
If the mom's know you didn't receive much, they can possibly ask their friends, etc. If ANYONE says they gave a gift/card and you don't have it, you need to start investigating the whereabouts....
Sorry to say I don't think that's normal. With the exception of one or two guests, we got a card and a gift from every couple. It's common to bring a gift to the shower AND a gift/card to the wedding where we live. I'd never think of showing up to a shower or wedding without one.
I didn't get a lot of gifts. But I wasn't expecting a lot. I had about 50% OOT guest and some folks spent over $1000 to come to the wedding. However, for those that were from in town...tsk tsk. But honestly, I actually did get gifts. Not as much as I would have expected if I had thought about it. Anyhow, I'm sorry this happened to you. I loved your wedding!
Double check the address listed for you on your registry just in case things were mailed to the wrong one.
@med700: No its not a cultural thing in Dallas, and when I told my mom she FLIPPED! She called them all SOBs and said to "F**k those motherf***ers"....as pretty as my mom is, she has always had a potty mouth LOL!
I trust my MOH and she was the one responsible for my cardbox, it was locked so tight she couldn't even open it. I went home the day after my wedding and looked at everything myself.... It doesn't seem as though anything was stolen. I did post on FB a reminder that the registries stay open, howver I don't think it will do any good.
@lwilliams107:I can definitely see how sad it would make you but I think posting the reminder on FB about the registry still being open might have been going a bit too far. Yes it wasn't very kind of your guests to at least bring a card to say congrats, but posting on FB is kind of fishing for gifts at this point. I'd say unfortunetly you'll have to try to move on from this and forget about the gifts.
Im sorry to read this! I fear the same thing; we got double lucky both our families are beyond CHEAP! lol So while our expectations are low we still have this glimmer of hope for our guests and our registry! lol But even then, a nice card would be more than enough and blow my mind!
That's not normal where I'm from (NJ). You give a registry gift at the shower and then usually cash at the wedding in a card. That's how every wedding I've been to has been.
I read this thread before I went garage saleing this morning with my mom and your lack of gifts was discussed at breakfast. Both my mom and I feel that 3 gifts and 3 cards totally sucks considering how many guests you had. The only time I've not brought a gift to a wedding was because I honestly forgot it at home (both FI and I were in said wedding and the morning of was extra stressful) but we gave it to the couple the next time we saw them. I can't imagine 30+ couples would forget their gifts at home.
Not normal in my book. I have a feeling your Mom will say something to the people she knows at some point in the future. My Mom would be concerned and upset, too (me as well). Are you really sure they didn't get taken? Maybe by an employee or something?! That is very concerning. Maybe someone will eventually contact you if a check is never cashed.
That's sucks royally. My husband and I went to a wedding last summer where we were the only ones with a gift and card. There wasn't anything in the card and the gift was a small, pretty glass bowl for the coffee table, but the bride was so touched. It's not to hard to get a card to say congratulations. Or just something that says, we care.
Umm.. no, that is not normal! I can't believe that people didn't even bring a damn card. Rude. I'm sorry to hear about his, doll. Like PPs have said, maybe some gifts/cards are in the mail. But this really bites.. I know you didn't get married just to get gifts, but seriously.. I'd be upset.
I dont think thats normal at all. I was taught to never to go a wedding empty handed. And no you dont seem shallow.
Dude that bites. I'm so sorry to hear this.
BUT... congrats on being married :)
@goldenapple82: Actually, now I can laugh about this but honestly, Macy's was the only place we registered and just last week, I found out why I hadn't received ONE GIFT. They messed up the address. They were sending our gifts to the wrong address and even though it was saying 'fulfilled', we didn't receive anything. Our guests started calling us that their cards were being refunded and our gifts returned. That's when I called Macy's and found the snafu. Almost a month after our wedding, we received our first gift that was bought almost 2 months ago thankyouverymuch!!! So really, point is, check your registry address. I can't stress it enough.
No, I wouldn't say that's normal. We had an 82 person wedding, and only one person wasn't accounted for with a card OR a gift. Some people may be taking advantage of having up to a year to send something, or sending gifts ahead to your home??? Maybe?
ummm, wowzers... i am sorry! that makes no sense to me at all.... i was just talking to my fiance -- and we dont even go to someone's house for dinner without taking a gift... much less a WEDDING.
i really dont know what to say. :O(
Oh no... I'm sorry. I'd be pretty upset myself. =(
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