As some of you know, SO is off in NYC helping out those affected by Sandy. He should be coming home Wednesday, after being gone a month. The distance and time have had us edgy enough, but he’s been extra-crabby lately, what with being gone so long away from his family, etc.
So we fought today, a lot. And I think I may have called everything off. The relationship, plans, everything. He just doesn’t understand how awful this whole waiting game is. And frankly, I’m so tired of playing. At the end of the fight, he said “You know what’s funny? I was buying your ring when I got home.”
And just like that, I think I hate myself. Encouragement?
@babybee92: oh both of you will be fine. Welcome to the real world. All couples fight. It’s stressful for both of you right now. In time you’ll be back kissing like nothing ever happened. Sounds like it’s getting super serious. Good luck.
FI and I always tend to get much more crabby with each other when we’re LD due to his work. We’ve come to the conclusion that without the body language, etc., it’s too easy for us to misread each other. Sounds like something similar happened here. When he gets home, apologize for overreacting and calling everything off (sounds like you didn’t mean it, so tell him so) and make sure to give him a big hug. Even if he plays it aloof at first and acts all stiff, he should soften in about…oh 30 seconds… as his heart will fill with how much he loves you.
Worked for us every time one of us would screw up the long distance communication thing
@babybee92: ““You know what’s funny? I was buying your ring when I got home.”” Oh, of course he was. I never believe it when they say they were going to do the one thing we want them to do right after a fight.
color me jaded but i don’t believe it.
make his favorite home cooked meal, apologize for being stressed out and missing him so much hope everything works out OK!
@Sapphire-Dreamer: yes, i am with sapphire on this one.
there was another thread on here where a bee confronted her boyfriend about marriage and he wasnt interested, which led to her to say after a while she would leave if they werent engaged, and he replied that he didnt want to be with someone who would leave him for that, and then changed his story said he was about to propose before the end of 2012. but conveniently, due to something SHE did, it was all off!
he may have been thinking of getting you a ring soon, but this was certainly brought up at that exact moment to get one up on you and make you feel bad, which it did.
dont beat yourself up. as i posted to the other bee, i think guys tend to exagerate their intentions when they know its something you want. maybe he was thinking of proposing soon… doesnt mean it was a definite plan. maybe he would have been home for a few months before he bought a ring. or maybe he wouldn’t have. it may have been a fleeting thought that he had, but of course when being challenged and criticized he is going to make is sound like, “oh wait let me call judy at the diamond depot and cancel my appointment, and call of the hot air balloon while i’m at it”. suuuureeee. i wouldnt take what he says literally when you are in the middle of a fight.
good luck, please keep us posted!
@Sapphire-Dreamer: LOL me too. That’s typically when I assume they haven’t taken many steps towards that action yet but know they need to. LOL.
OP I hope it all works out for you. Every couple fights, especially when challenged with distance!
@babybee92: I’m so sorry =(((
Distance can sometimes bring out the worst in a couple!! I wouldn’t worry about it too much.. When he gets home, sit down and talk to him about everything. Things will look better when he is sitting next to you, instead of miles and miles away!
I’m sorry that happened to you! Arguments can be so disheartening. We haven’t had many but I can’t stand them.
I think it was hurtful for him to end with that phrase, as others have noted. It may or may NOT have been a ploy.
I think, regardless of that, you need to ask yourself some really important questions. Did you really want to call everything off, or was it the heat of the moment? If it was the heat of the moment, I would question why you were so willing to say those things. Do you want to marry your SO? If you do, you need to do what you can to apologize and to forgive him for his part in this and keep this relationship up. If you don’t, though, you owe it to the both of you to move on cleanly. Not trying to point fingers at either of you. It sounds like an argument after some hard days for both of you took a serious turn.
On another note, I bet it’s not easy helping out with the aftermath of Sandy. I bet you’re so proud of him for going. I commend him for it and you for being his support here at home. Best of luck to both of you.
He knows its what you want and was using that in that moment to hurt you. It may be true, or it might not be, but he was lording it over you in that moment to hurt your feelings and make you doubt/hate yourself. That’s low.
@PermaStudent: I feel like any little issue that would normally come up and pass quickly, has been magnified by the distance. We will sit down and have a nice chat when he gets back without anything in the way.
Thanks everyone else! I appreciate the responses, and will take everything into consideration during our talk. Sometimes, as a waiting bee, every little thing sets me off because I’m not internally happy with my situation.