Weddingbee boards

So I broke my 'not talking about the wedding rule till FH brings it up/for the holidays', but I had to, so it's ok right?

Since FH's meltdown last month there has really been no wedding talk and just working on us, which I was fine with. Things have been going well and he is almost settled into his new place! Then yesterday I got a call that we got our venue...the beach house that we have been on the waiting list for since the beginning of August!!! Normally I would be so excited, but there is so much pressure around booking the house or not...we only have 5 DAYS to decide if we are going to rent it or not!

I asked him what he thought and he said he doesnt' know. I said about marrying me or about next year. He said about next year, that he DOES want to marry me. Which I already knew...then I asked what about (like if it's a money thing, a are we ready thing or whatever) and he said if we are ready...ok ummm you asked me remember?! He said he feels like we should just go with that date because everything is already booked (this is the very last thing we have to book. Everything else is already decided/taken care of), which I understand and we can always transfer to another date and not really be out money. The thing that makes it so frustrating is we need to decide in the next few days and I don't want to like not book it and decide later we should have and then not be able to get the house! Our wedding is still a year away...ugh decisions.

that does sound tough! How much would you be out, deposit wise, if you did book it and cancelled later?

Well if we booked it and they were able to rerent it for the same price we would only be out $75. If it was closer to the date and the price would go down we would be out the difference...we have to pay 1/2 the base rental fee so it's about $2500 for the deposit :/

As someone who just changed my date and may lose two or three deposits... I say go for it. We really did want the new date, but we were going to find a way to work around the old one, and if things are good, you'll be able to make the date work, too. If not, push it back! No deposits lost and you're still secure in having somewhere for it.

Girl you're in the OBX during October. If you have to cancel, offer to switch the venue to someone else. You WILL find someone else who wants it, trust me.

@cinemoparadiso: thanks! this house was acutally unrented till the week before that date this year so I know they can get rented last min.

If I had the money I would totally just get it and wait and see and feel much better knowing that we had the venue, but I don't have it all and that is where he comes in. So I need him to be on board. My parents are willing to pay for like half and are getting wedding insurance (incase something would happen or like bad weather or whatever) so I am all for going for it. I just get the "i don't know" from him. But honestly who does ever know 100% of anything?

@jhphi: That's basically what I told him. We have the next few days to decide so I let him know what was going on and we talked about it and how we felt about it and I said I'm going to give him some time to think it over before we have to let them know....without me pressuring or asking him a million times what his thoughts were. So I'm just going to wait and see. And honestly if we are ment to get married in 2010 at that house it will still be there when we are ready to rent it. And I don't have a problem waiting really...I just don't want him to be like in a month from now or whatever say we should have rented that house and I want to get married then and now it is booked. But either way he knows I don't care about when it is just as long as it is with him

@jhphi: will do and was always thank you for your honest opinions! That's what I love about weddingbee...

Update:

We have decided not to book the house :( I called the real estate agency and let them know that due to personal reasons we may have to push the wedding date back and at this time we are not ready to make a down payment. They were super nice and wanted to know if they could check back in with us or if we would rather check back in with them. I told them it didn't matter and that we were taking time off from wedding planning till after the holidays. The lady said she doesn't blame us, that it has to be stressful! They are going to check in with us after the new year.

FH said he definitely wants to marry me (phew lol, but I already knew that) but is not 100% sure about keeping the date the same and therefore didn't want to put a payment on the house. I don't blame him. We may not be able to get that money back had we had to change the date. But at the same time he says I hope we can find a house if we decide to keep that date. I'm just going to give him more time to digest the wedding without wedding talk or any pressure...back to being an already-engaged-waiting-bee

Thanks @FMM. I know he loves me (a lot) and that is what is keeping me sane. He has actually made a HUGE improvement since getting his own place and living on his own. He let me sleep over and daily says about doing things (which doesn't always work because of his schedule but he is making an effort)...he just let me know he might have off this weekend and wants to do something together. He also came over to see the pups which he hasn't in awhile. Things are getting better..one day at a time, but I have no complaints

@Oracle: Or wedding is going to be less than 50, we are thinking more like 30 people and it is rather low key (it's just the house that costs so much unforunatly). We loved the idea of making it a vacation for our families since his family really has never taken one before! We wanted to give that to them as a present and it is his "dream" wedding to be married on the beach. We have great deals on everthing else and I'm DIYing all I can to cut costs. I think the only way we could get more low key is to JP it, but we already paid for everything but the venue so that would end up costing us more in the long run to move it up here....I think, plus it's not what we wanted.

I know the money thing is a huge issue. He has mentioned before he doesn't want to be the only one supporting us, so I am really really looking for a job now and considering getting my teaching cert because I think that would do wonders for our relationship. I feel like that is what is holding him back right now. He says about he's not sure if we will be ready next year which I feel like he might be saying I'm just not sure if you will have a job yet by next year.