Post # 1
FI and I were having a great day and on our way home from marriage preparation class, ironic huh? Anyways we were on our way to stop to pick up my wedding shoes since I need them asap since my dress alterations appointment is in a few days.
I tried on the pair I had seen online but they were so uncomfortable that I decided against them. When I get stresses out I guess it shows with a worried look on my face and a make a sighing noise to myself. Just a habit…but for some reason that really irritates FI. He goes on to lecture me about how I let little things stress me out, and he worries about the day I have to make a stressful decision when he’s not there, and lastly that that is not how he wants his wife to be. Mind you this is all due to my “sigh” and look on my face, I didn’t utter a word that I was stressed. I remained silent as I didn’t want to say something rude while I was pissed, it would have been something to the effect of “and I don’t want my husband to be a snapper in situations when I’m stressed when he could be supportive and proactive which would ease my stress.” It may have been more colorful but, ya. So I stayed silent as he starting heading toward the mall-obviously irritated. He asked what was wrong I said I really don’t want to get into it, it’s no big deal. He says “no lets get into it, whats wrong” So I told him that I feel like sometimes his choice of words sound rude, and that saying that’s not what he wants in a wife is something kinda hard not to take personally. And then it begins. he raises his voice starts saying “Oh right, so I have to walk on eggshells to not hurt your feelings when you shouldn’t take things so personal-that’s the only part of what I said that you are dwelling on,” does a U-turn in the parking lot and we are silent on the way home and still are.
We make up easily and we hardly ever argue. I’m not worried about the state of our relationship I just wonder how I could of handled things differently.
Post # 3
TBH-I’m not sure YOU could have done anything different to better the situation.
Post # 4
@axeyourmakeupkit: thank you for your reply. I’m sitting on the porch bummed so your reply means a lot. I think what youre saying is that I didn’t provoke this or couldn’t have avoided him reacting, not sure.
Post # 5
NEVER take a man shoe shopping…ever, they don’t get it
Post # 6
I’ll preface this by saying I’m a guy, so I’ll share my opinion, but I know that it may be completely different than your FI’s.
Anyway, I don’t think that you could have done anything different, and I don’t think that everything started from you sighing about something pretty trivial. It could be that something else was/is upsetting him, and your sigh was the straw that broke the camel’s back, or whatever they say. If something else is stressing him out or preoccupying him with worry, he may have just been a bit on-edge and used you as an outlet for that frustration. I don’t think he would do it intentionally, but I’ve found myself getting upset with my girlfriend for small things, only to realize that I’m really upset about the bigger issues that she has no role in (work, my family, etc.).
I do hope that everything works out for you guys, and that you get the right pair of wedding shoes 🙂
Post # 7
Maybe he just thinks the sigh and facial expression is, in my words, “first world problems”. As in.. simple things that shouldnt be a big deal. Yea it is your wedding stuff but maybe he thinks youre pouting and it buggs him. Well yea it does. He said its irritating him. Ive had people point out things I do that bother and I try to break that habit if its that bothersome.
Post # 8
@Leemarie: tonight is a night of fights! DH and I hardly argue but got in a huge fight tonight! its so upsettting 🙁 Sorry gal, sleep on it and tlak in the AM about it
Post # 9
@MrNavidson: I agree, I think he’s upset over a bigger issue and this was the thing that triggered his anger. I would wait it out for a few hours and hopefully he’ll apologize. Maybe then you could ask him what’s really going on.
Post # 10
Thank you I appreciate the different perspectives and the angles you’ve given make me think that maybe it is other stress that he has. He IS a supervisor and used to being “bossy” and always vents about people whining, sometimes I just think that carries to how he deals with me. I honestly hope that’s what it is because although I agree with the post that said if something irritates another they work to change it- I totally agree but for this particular my gut tells me that there are bigger things to criticize about behavior than being noticeablly stressed when it’s crunch time? 5 weeks.
Post # 12
I would just let it go. Like you said, it’s five weeks out from the wedding and getting progressively stressful so that might be it. Your stress might be stressing him out. I would open up a diologue with him about it though. (hugs)
Post # 13
@Leemarie: Exactly. Chin up and maybe he needs a gentle reminder that he’s not your supervisor.
As for never taking a guy shoe shopping- My SO loves treating me to a great pair of shoes.
Post # 14
Ugh we had a huge fight tonight too! I don’t think you did or said anything wrong. Maybe something else was bothering him? I will say that sometimes FI does an “intentional sigh” when he is stressed and it does annoy me. It’s like he will repeatedly sigh to get my attention or something instead of just telling me what is wrong, and he will dwell on it for a long time and ignore my advice to help de-stress. However, it sounds like you were genuinely stressed and had a genuine reaction? It probably just doesn’t seem like a big deal to him so he doesn’t understand it. *sigh* …men….!
Post # 15
My man sighs whenever he’s bored/ uninterested in whatever we’re doing at the moment, and it annoys the hell outta me. Funny thing is? He doesn’t know he does this. I call him out on it, but not in a snarky way. I poke fun at him and turn it into light-hearted conversation.
Annoyed or not, I wouldn’t like it if my man told me things of “how he wants a wife to be”. There’s something called tact that really needs to be instilled here, especially when you’re dealing with the possibility of hurting someone’s feelings. Quite frankly, if my man ever said something along those lines to me, I’d respond back with, “Well I don’t believe a husband should be judgemental and snappy”. I believe in standing your ground at times to maintain self-respect. In turn, others begin to respect you more for that.
Anywho, this too shall pass..! We all go through this from time to time.
But like Nona99 said, never take a man shoe shopping! It just won’t be fun… ever.