Post # 1
I don’t know why I’m so emotional about this, but here goes.
Little background: DH and I are both 31; together 18 months, married for one. I have two kids from a previous marriage (both under 6) with whom I share 50/50 with my ex. DH loves my kids, we all get along great. DH has no kids of his own.
We’ve always talked about having another child(ren). I’m on board, he’s on board. We just didn’t know when…We had “the timeline talk” last night.
We both agreed to wait until at least next summer to TTC. The rational part of me says this is okay on many levels: we enjoy our time together without the kids, we’ll be moving next July, he just started a new job, I’ll be going back to school in the fall. So life is presenting a lot of upheavals right now and it only makes sense not to add the stress of TTC, a pregnancy and a baby into the mix.
But the emotional part of me wants to have a baby quite badly! And then I think, if you wait for the perfect time, you’ll never to do anything and we should just go for it and let the chips fall where they may and you make life work.
How do you Bees calm down that emotionally-charged ticking biological clock? I feel like a whiny brat But I waaaaannnt a baby), but know that I need to be an adult and wait til we’re more settled.
Thanks for listening. I don’t know why I’m upset about it, I know I shouldn’t be… I know you guys will understand.
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
My best advice is to distract yourself. Throw all of your energy into planning for your big upcoming stuff and maximizing your time right now.
For me, an idle mind is the devil’s playground (the “devil” being my loudly ticking clock!). The busier I am, the easier it is for me to be patient.
Post # 4
@btothez: I think the “if you wait till everything is perfect, it’ll never happen” argument works if it’s just being put off indefinitely until everything falls into place. But if you have a specific timeline (and like you described, short-term life complications that would make a pregnancy more difficult), I think it’s totally reasonable to try to be patient and just wait.
I’m in the same situation right now. DH and I are waiting until this winter/spring when some of those specific job/school things will improve. Honestly, it’s hard to distract yourself completely. If it doesn’t work just to throw yourself into work/school, why not think about specific personal goals you’d like to accomplish before you get pregnant? Would you like to get into healthier eating habits? Work out more? Learn a specific skill? Save a certain amount of money? If you have projects or goals that are actually tied to your hope for a baby, that might help some too.
Good luck! Also, if you’re having a hard time, come join the Waiting to TTC thread – it helps to have ladies in the same boat to talk to 🙂
Post # 5
@btothez: I’m right there with you! I’m getting married next month and we’ve already talked about it. We’re still so unsure of our timeline though. FH wants to go with the “if it happens it happens” which I call TTC. I start grad school next fall though (hopefully!)… so I feel like it wouldn’t be smart to have a baby until I’m finished… but then, that will be years. And if I wait until I finish, then how smart is it to get pregnant right when I start my career? FH is ready now, and I want one now… but I’m so confused. It’s like I do want a baby, but then I don’t think I’m ready. wwwaaah. 🙁
Post # 6
@lolita39: its like youre in my head saying and thinking all the same things I am! I am in the same place as you!
Post # 7
@lovekiss: This exactly.
I really wanted to have my first when I was 32. That’t the age my grandma was when she had my mom and the age my mom was when she had me. But my current health insurance has no maternity coverage. I also need to reach some more career goals before we can have kids. So, we’ll probably have to wait a few more years yet, on top of the four I’ve already been waiting.
Just don’t think about it. And stay off the baby/ttc boards!