I am sorry you are going through this. I don’t think he’s being fair to you at all – not just about not proposing but by the constant (one sided) conversation on the issue at hand.
I have been in relationships before were I was terrified to ask/mention/inquire about our future. I thought the same way as you… just enjoy it in the moment and the rest will come. I honestly believe the reason I thought this, was to protect myself.. because I knew, in my heart, If i asked about the future, there was a good chance they would tell me there wasn’t one. I was scared to hear that answer, lose him, break up etc. In the end, it always happened anyway. Relationships broke down, hearts were broken (usually mine) and by the end communication was crap.
Honestly, if you cannot talk to this man about very, VERY important subjects like your future, it’s not going in a good direction. Communication is KEY. About everything. Where your relationship is going, where it’s gone, what you both see for it, and what you don’t. If you are waiting for him to propose, and he knows in your heart that you’re not the one… it’s going to get really ugly. You will be hurt, and forever resent him for not talking to you about this sooner. You’ll regret not asking sooner too.
You need to talk about everything, on your terms. Don’t be afraid to push him away. Living this relationship in “silence” is not fair to you at ALL. If he can’t handle an honest, serious conversation about your future as a couple, to me… it’s dead in the water. My husband and I talked about everything when we were dating. And to be honest, we never even discussed getting engaged. It just happened. We both knew in our hearts that this was “it” and that whenever the time was right, it would happen. And it did, and it was amazing. I was 150% surprised, no clue it was coming. We will have been married 2 years in June and have the best, strongest relationship I could ever hope for.
You need to talk to him not only about your furture, but your feelings. That you feel like you can’t even mention your future, that you’re walking on eggshells knowing that saying something could set him off or put the old conversation into a tailspin. If he can’t validate your feelings, comfort you and reassure you that he is serious, and your relationship IS moving forward… he’s not the one. You need to be able to talk about anything and everything, whenever you feel the need… especially when you are getting to that point of talking about marriage. Talk about finances, children, sex, EVERYTHING. Sitting in silence, bottling up your feelings is not good for you, your health, or this relationship.
I’m not saying pressure him into proposing. At all. I’m saying tell him you want to discuss like 2 adults and if he’s not willing to do that, you need to seriously reevaluate this relationship. Getting married is a HUGE deal, and to start things out on the path they are on now I think is a disaster waiting to happen. You are an adult, tell him how you are feeling and go from there. If he isn’t willing to discuss your future as a couple together in a pleasant, confident, loving manner… I don’t think he’s the one for you in the first place.
Keep us posted hun, I’m so sorry you are going through this at all. I’ve been there, and it really, really is not fun to go through.