We had the TTC talk….help?

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

Commenting to follow…

Post # 4
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’ve worked at a daycare for 4 years, and am also planning to start TTC in 2016. Honestly, you learn as you go. No matter how much you read or prepare, every baby is different and only you will know all about your baby. I’m not doing anything to prepare besides stopping BC next year, but then again I’ve changed thousands on diapers and take care of 6 week olds every day. It’s actually really easy to pick up on. I’m only 20 but I feel 110% comfortable raising a baby. Just do your best and give them love and you will figure it out as you go! Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Mrs.Metalm:  We happened to own a home before having a baby, but we’d be fine with renting. We’re haven’t done anything special to the house that wouldn’t have done otherwise. I have read a few books on motherhood as a general topic, but I didn’t read any pregnacy or baby books. Since I’ve gotten pregnant, I’ve read one book on birth and watch a few documentaries. I feel pretty confident about raising a child, since I’ve always worked with kids. Several close friends of mine have children or are pregnant now too. I do plan to take a birth class and newborn care class once I’m in my second or third trimester, mostly for the benefit of my husband. I felt like a total crazy person, but the same DAY I found out I was pregnant, I got on the waiting list for a daycare, because infant care is really limited in my area. 

I do think 2 years is TONS of time to get ready, but people always say you’re never REALLY prepared for a child to enter your life, no matter how many classes you’ve taken or books you’ve read. One thing you can start doing today is getting really, really serious about working with a budget, getting rid of debt and building savings. We started this summer, but I wish we had started sooner! 

Post # 6
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Mrs.Metalm:  Here is what I did (we are trying in Octoberish and have had a Fall 2014 timeline for about 2 years):

– Get healthy. Fit women have easier pregnancies, childbirths, and recoveries than out of shape women. I would start working out and eating healthier.

– Start taking pre-natals or a general multivitamin with folic acid. It is seriously never too early to start.

– Talk to moms with babies (who you trust). I found out a ton about breastfeeding and why it is a good idea, as well as what they are relaxed about. Everyone has different styles, so don’t be afraid to ask your friends/coworkers questions and learn from them. They can also teach you how to change a diaper.

– Babysit kids. Ask your inlaws or friends if you can take their kids for a few hours. It helps you and DH figure out your parenting style. DH is a much better parent than I am– it comes naturally to him. When we take his nephews out, he is a natural and I learn how to interact with small humans.

– Work through a bucketlist of things you can’t really do with kids. We are running marathons (3 hour training runs + naps are just not feasible with a young child) and traveling to contries we wouldn’t bring small kids to. We are also drinking a lot of good wine that will be off limits for awhile.

– Train your work to be flexible. I have spent the past year working to convince my coworkers and contractors that they will do just fine without me in the office– I have a cell phone and home phone and I can easily check email. We travel internationally a lot (without our phones working and where I am forbidden from checking work email) and they learn that they are 100% capable of solving problems themselves. This will prepare them for maternity leave.

– Come up with about 15 great crockpot recipes (where you can freeze the contents ahead of time). My SIL swore by them for the first year. She was nursing exclusively and her kid ate a ton– she needed the calories, but had no time. Spending one day a month prepping while my MIL was over saved so much time and money!

Post # 7
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We don’t have kids yet, not even TTC, but I feel the same way you do in wanting to prepare. But it seems the more I research, the more overwhelming it gets- I once got sucked into spending a whole evening watching things on youtube about cloth diapering, feeding, bathing, swaddling, and on and on, and I thought my head was going to explode. I really hope that when it is time, we’ll be able to figure things out as we go along and everything will fall into place.

I also understand not wanting to be in a rental house, we would also like to own and be “settled” by TTC time. But I don’t think it really matters in the end! We have friends who had their baby while temporarily stationed in a remote area, living in a rented apartment, and now getting ready to move cross country with their now 2-year old. Their little girl is super smart, sweet and definitely well-adjusted. While you might not consider your living situation to be ideal, I think it really just comes down to providing your child with what he/she needs to grow- learning opportunities, consistency and lots of love, in addition to the basic clothes/food/shelter… I think you can do that in a rental 🙂

@MrsN14:  I’ve potty trained dozens of preschoolers, but still nervous I will fail with my own someday. I guess it’s true you can never really feel totally prepared, but just have to go with the flow!

Post # 11
Member
1847 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Pollywog:  That’s a lot of great advice!! Commenting to follow more..  OP – are you on Pinterest? Having a secret “Future Family” board has helped me keep my mind somewhat organized.. and it at least gives me a place to keep all the awesome ideas that I come across online!

Post # 12
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ho boy, I can tell you and I are very different (and likely different parents!) But that’s okay! But I’ll tell you my perspective and experience in the hopes it might help you out.

I found that reading up on parenting made me crazy. There’s too much information and much of it had a way of convincing me that there was some sort of gold standard and I had to achieve it (your child should be on THIS sleep schedule; your child should be hitting THESE milestones; you should be eating THESE foods while pregnant, etc. etc.) But I also found that for every type of personality conceivable, there is someone out there to make a buck off of it–‘attachment parenting’ to ‘spare the rod’ and everything in between. So when you look at it that way, the end-result is…there is no gold standard. There is no right or wrong (excepting like, abuse of course). 

And if you want my *cynical* opinion on it, there’s a lot of hysterical “what if” out there (what if your child has nipple confusion! what if your child has colic! what if your child gets addicted to the pacifier!) that seems to exist solely to create a need FOR such parenting ‘experts.’ And by the way, babies, even though they can’t speak, are perfectly good communicators and to some degree, unless there are physical problems (which they will definitely let you know about itn some fashion), they kind of are on ‘autopilot’ for the first few years. They eat as many calories as their body requires, no more; no less (and it will change constantly because of all the growing, both physically and mentally, that they do!). They’ll spit up if their body tells them they need to spit up–some do it a lot; some hardly ever. Generally speaking, if there’s a problem, you’ll know. 

I know this doesn’t sound like much help now, but trust me, parenting will be very different in practice than it seems in theory. You can’t prepare for it. You may have a pillow and a cover and the breast-pump all ready to go and find that breastfeeding just isn’t for you. You might learn to swaddle (which really isn’t that hard) and then find that your child hates to be swaddled. I knew was all set with the kale and the spinach when I got pregnant…and for the first month or so, I pretty much ate Skittles and popsicles because it was all I could keep down. You will also be blindsided by the unexpected–your child might be lactose-intolerant, or tongue-tied. And you’ll learn how to handle these challenges all on your own–such is the joy and the responsibility of raising children. Don’t be afraid to let go and don’t forget to ENJOY your children and to ENJOY being a parent in all its glorious imperfections. 

So don’t worry: we are among the most successful species on earth and parents of all stripes have managed to have babies who grow up and have their own babies. If Britney Spears and Kim Kardashian can do it, you can do it. 

 

 

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