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Hmm....
I don't know how it works with within families, but this doesn't sound like the worst thing. They could have chosen a wedding date within a month of yours or something more ghastly. I would be happy for them, unless she is blatantly showy and drawing attention to herself during the next month
as selfish as their actions are, i think the best way to rise above it is to remember that YOUR WEDDING is still coming up in 2 months, and that their engagement can do nothing to shadow it - plus, on the bright side, at least he didn't propose AT the wedding - that would have been grounds for a bridal-beat-down ;)
overall though, i would suggest just going with the flow with this - getting upset about it (and letting them know) will only play into their selfish personalities and give them the attention that they want
and don't forget to think about the beautiful things about your wedding and your relationship :)
Wait, you're mad that they got engaged within two months of your wedding?
I'm sorry, but I think that's you need to realize it's their relationship, and you don't get a whole month or two months for your wedding.
That's no bad, at least the wedding isn't within 2 months of yours like ours is :-)
I would rather an engagement come closer than the actual wedding. Just trying to look at the upside of things for you!
I agree with @beachbride - I don't see how them getting engaged steals any of the spotlight from your wedding?? Getting engaged is a wondeful thing, meant to be celebrated. IMHO, I don't think you should be upset. But, I am only an outsider looking in, perhaps things work differently in your family?
I'm sorry, I'm with the previous posters, I don't see what the deal is. My sister can be selfish and self-centered at times but if her boyfriend decided to propose to her just before the wedding I'd be over the moon. Heck, even if he proposed to her during the wedding reception I'd be over the moon. It's not like they've said they're setting the date for the same day is it?
???? FI and I got engaged a month before his sisters wedding (which we both stood in) and it was no big deal, actually it was awesome! She was so excited that we're officially going to be sisters, and even made a comment about it in her wedding speech. It worked out really well for us, because they have tons of family that lives on the other side of the country, and they got to congratulate us in person when they saw us. Not for one minute did we 'steal their thunder'.
As much as we brides-to-be like to think that our wedding is the at the center of everyone's lives, it's not. In all actuality, we get one day - our wedding day. I would be upset if he proposed at the wedding, but 2 months before, not at all. My brother-in-law and his fiance are getting married 4 days after us - I was a little upset at first, but I realized it doesn't take away from our wedding at all (we had our wedding date set for almost a year before they got engaged and picked their date).
This was a post a long time ago that talks about how a wedding is a huge deal to the bride-to-be, but for others, it really isn't (not to be mean - it's just the way it is). Not sure if it could help in your situation.
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/no-one-will-ever-care-about-your-wedding-as-much-as-you-do
I'm confused. You're angry because they got engaged within two months of your wedding? Somehow I'm not understanding what the problem is. It's their relationship, and you can't expect them to put it on hold simply because you're getting married soon.
I don't see anything selfish about this. It's their relationship, your FBIL can propose when he feels the time is right. I don't see how this will affect your day in any way.
The backgroud of this is very complex. My fiance's brother walks all over people (including his brother) and has zero respect for anyone. He constantly has to be in the spotlight and it kills him if he's not. I know many can't understand this but it wasn't the right time for them!
I have to agree with everyone - this really isn't a big deal. This definitely won't affect your day. My brother in law proposed to his fiance a week before my bridal shower, and even though everyone wanted to see her ring, the attention was still on me. The attention will be on you on your wedding day - because you're the bride.
At least they aren't getting married right before you. My mom did that to me... got married 3 weeks before my wedding. And again... the wedding was still about me and my husband... no one else.
I don't see what the big deal is? My sister just got engaged over Easter weekend and my wedding is coming up and I'm SO excited for her. Engagement is a happy time, nothing to get upset about. They aren't going to take anything away from you on your wedding day.
I think you are over reacting. They just got engaged, its not like they set their wedding for the day before yours. While you might not think that they are a great couple, in my experience its best to just smile and nod and try to be happy for them. Them being engaged does not have anything to do with your wedding, especially 2 months out. Remember you get a day, not a year, and you still have to share it with your FI! :-P.
I don't think this is something that you should spend time and effort being upset over. It's not like they got engaged and have decided to throw a wedding together in a couple of months that would coincide with yours.
And from the point of view of someone who waited for a while to get a ring...going to weddings during that time when you "know" you're going to be getting a proposal at some point in the future is not fun. It builds on the stress you're already feeling about not being proposed to yet. Maybe try to see it from that point of view, and be understanding of the emotions likely involved in this.
It's something I would celebrate, personally.
Hmmm, I'm a little confused too. I don't see how that is so bothersome... sorry!
OH NO, HOW DARE THEY?!
Ummm...seriously. People are allowed to get engaged the week, month, year of your wedding without it being a vindictive, selfish move.
I get where you are coming from if they are always the couple trying to be in the spotlight and taking away the attention from other family memebers. Just don't let them see how upset/frustrated you are because that would only give them encouragement to keep doing it. I have seen the same situation take place with my best friend and her cousin. She even had her FI pick out an almost identical ring as my best friend except a whole carat bigger! Some people....
Anyways, best of luck to you in your last couple of months of planning!
Taylor21 - when would have been the right time? If he was really that selfish don't you think he would have stolen the "spotlight" from you and your FI on your wedding day? I mean..its REALLY not going to take away from your special day.
I think you might be overreacting just a bit. When I started reading your post I thought you were going in the direction that they had got engaged and were going to have their wedding before yours, but just them getting engaged?? I am sorry to say, but I think that you are coming off as the selfish one.
I don't know what their relationship is like, but if they've been together for a while and your FI's brother is just taking his sweet time to propose, then I think I may have nudged him as well. There is nothing like family always asking..."and what about you guys, when are you getting married?" It gets kinda of embarrassing after a while, especially when as the female in the relationship, you can't really do anything about it cause we expect the guy to propose...
I am sure there is back story that we all don't know, but if your fiance's brother likes to steal the spotlight I would be relieved that he did it 2 months before rather than at the wedding or closer to the wedding. I know my sister's boyfriend was getting ready to propose around the time that I got engaged and she told him to give us 3 months in the spotlight which I thought was sweet but completely unnecessary. I thought it would've been a cute story to have it done around the same time.
Sorry, but I'm with the others. You get a day, not two months. Do you really want nobody in your life to have any special moments within two months of your wedding?
@Taylor - I can understand your frustration in thinking that they're just doing it to upstage you, but in my experience it's the couples' place to determine when the "right time" is, and no one else's. I've seen too much family drama happening over someone's family thinking that it wasn't the right time, and really, no one has any say in that but the people getting married.
If they think it's the right time, it's yours (and the rest of the family's) job to be happy for them and support them.
Why does it bother you so much? there were 7 weddings in my husbands family between October and my wedding January this past year. SEVEN. My SIL was one of them. Several were a week apart from each other. We all got engaged within a 4 month period. Most of us planned around each other--or together. It was a bit stressful for all the family involved, but in the end, we all got married and life went on. You are way close to your wedding-- it's not going to "steal" your spotlight and you already have had the "engaged" spotlight... just concentrate on your wedding and the marriage you get to have after it. Family and friends can celebrate for everyone.
Also, I've been the one who waited because we didn't want to steal the spotlight from the other couple who just got engaged. I waited a long time and watched a lot of people get engaged before me. Be happy for her! :-)
I'm sorry I don't understand what the issue here is. I think it's selfish of you to expect that they hold off their engagement until...??? I don't know, what would have been an appropriate time? Are you saying they needed to wait until after the wedding?
There is a major back story! I think it's more I don't like her or think she is a good person. The right time would have been six months ago or after our wedding. That's my personal opinion. Again, it was complete dispespect. I guess you have to know them....
I still don't get it. How is him being engaged to someone going to make him in the spotlight on your wedding day? You and your FH will be bride and groom, if your FBIL has a problem with that and tries to make himself the centre of attention then who cares? It'll be your wedding and you'll be surrounded by family and friends and you'll be married. I bet you'll find that everyone will think he's just making a big show and embarrassing himself and his new fiancée.
Surely the bigger thing to do now is to just let him do whatever and enjoy your newly wedded bliss on your wedding day instead of stooping to his level and being upset that he's going to have a little bit of attention BEFORE your wedding day itself?
I guess if they REALLY wanted to be vindictive, they would have gotten engaged the morning of your wedding.....so, it COULD be worse!
you may have other, legitimate reasons to be frustrated by your fbil and his fiancee, but this is really not one of them.
I think you are blowing this WAY out of proportion. Life doesn't stop before or after your wedding. And as previously stated - NO ONE cares about you wedding as much as YOU do. I think it's rude and disrespectful to impose a timeline on your loved ones for when they are and aren't allowed to do things.
Try to muster up some happiness for them.
@Taylor - why six months before or after your wedding? Personally that seems rather arbitrary. I think it's hard for everyone to understand if we don't know the whole story.
I guess I'm having a hard time understanding why you feel it's your place to dictate when they should be able to get engaged?
I understand that there may be more to the story, but you can't expect us to only hear this part of it and sympathize with you.
I think it's okay as long as they don't get engaged before you and then plan their wedding right around yours. I don't really understand the whole 'stealing my thunder' thing when it comes to a wedding. You don't own the year of your wedding.
I can understand her not wanting to attend your wedding without a ring. There's just something about weddings that make girls a little crazy. My DH's Best Man's GF didn't attend our wedding, and while she cited money as the cause, we're sure it was actually because he's not ready to get engaged and she would have felt awkward as the only non-engaged or married girl in attendance.
I think they were very considerate to not do it at the wedding, and that is pretty much the only time I think that them getting engaged would have affected your wedding at all. The day you get engaged is pretty special, but then it drops off until the day before the wedding. As long as they don't try to double-book the wedding day I think you'll be fine.
Maybe the underlying reason you're upset is that you don't like your FI's brother's FI??
ETA: Just saw that you don't really like either one of them. That does explain why you're not happier for them.
I can't understand any of this. If you are an adult (which I assume you are) how about being HAPPY for your soon to be brother-in-law. The world doesn't revolve around you.
@Mightysapphire - I also don't understand your statement "I can understand her not wanting to attend your wedding without a ring. There's just something about weddings that make girls a little crazy" - really. I am a girl. My wedding has not made me crazy. And I resent such blanket statements about women and weddings. Not all of us are attention-craving ring-obsessed brides to be. How about we as women try to rise above such stereotypes?
chreee123 maybe she's talking about girls who go to weddings that aren't engaged, not the bride? At least that's what I got from her "something about weddings makes women crazy"..
@Chreee, I'm not trying to speak for Sapphire, but I can totally see where she is coming from. There are a lot of women that get jealous, crazy, call it what you want, when another person gets married (or engaged for that matter). I don't think it needs to be taken as a "blanket" statement, I think that she was just trying to help Taylor to see a slightly different perspective.
@Taylor, while it might be hard, and you may not like her, you're going to have to accept the fact that you're going to be family, and it sounds like that might be the hardest thing for you to wrap your head around right now. :(
Tatiepoo - maybe... I guess I've had it "up to here" with people on these boards who feel like they get this free pass to be dramatic and self-centered just because they're engaged (or think they might get engaged at some point). What happened to living life with grace, sophistication, humility?
Grass - I understand what she's saying. But I don't think that we should condone such behavior.
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