(Closed) We live together and we’re getting married Catholic — lie?

posted 8 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Why would you lie to your priest? That’s no different from lying to God or anyone else. What is wrong with being honest? They don’t have legal authority to stop you from getting married or even living together. Your marriage is not something that you want to start off by being fraudulent in any way with anyone.

Post # 5
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Is there another Catholic church in your area that you can check out? All priests are different so just because this particular one is very rigid doesn’t mean that everyone is.

Post # 7
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

My Gf just got married in a Catholic church and the priest knew that they lived together and it was no problem. I am also having a Catholic wedding and I am sure it wont be an issue. We have lived together for 9 years.

Post # 9
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m Orthodox not Catholic, and we are not technically living together but we are ‘living in sin.’  I’m not sure if this will come up with my priest before the wedding, but if it does, I will be entirely truthful with him.  In my personal opinion, sex before marriage is definately not a sin…but lying about it is.  I have an ethical rule – if I have to lie about something, I shouldn’t be doing it. 

Post # 10
Member
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Yeah, I definitely would not lie.  FI and I are Catholic and are getting married in our home parish.  While going through our marriage classes, we went over a chapter in our book for couples who are living together.  It hasn’t been a problem for us, although, we were worried at first as well.  Just be honest  🙂

Post # 11
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Seems like the likelihood of him refusing to marry you is WAY higher if he finds out you lied to him (which come on— its going to happen) than if he finds out you live together.

Post # 12
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We didn’t lie.  He didn’t ask us directly if we live together, but we gave the same address and he didn’t say anything.  Our priest is also the priest at a college and I think he’s a bit more liberal than most.

However, my friend went to her priest, told the truth and he told her to give him her  parents’ address for the paperwork!

I wouldn’t lie though.  If he has serious issue with it, he’ll probably just have you give your parents’ address or something.

Post # 13
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

My fiance and I are both Catholic, and we live together.  I wouldn’t lie about it to the priest.  If he gives you problems about it just find another priest.  My friend was pregnant when she got married and she hid it from the priest when they had meetings, but she was def. showing on the wedding day and the priest looked confused…lol

I always hear stories like, they refuse to give communion to divorced people, refuse to bury a baby that wasn’t baptized, etc. but i’ve never known anyone it happened to… In fact I just went to a Catholic funeral for a man who was a buddhist, but all his 9 children were Catholics and he supported the Catholic church for decades so they gave him a Catholic burial although he was never baptized…

Although there are some really strict old fashioned priests, there are also some really liberal up to date ones too….

Post # 14
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

If I were you I wouldn’t lie or use different addresses on the forms, but I wouldn’t volunteer the information either. 

My friend is getting married in the Catholic church and they have lived together for 3 years.  Part of their pre-cana discussed their cohabitation but they weren’t judged for it and it didn’t cause them any problems. 

I think lying may cause problems.

Post # 15
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

The FOCUS test you’ll have to take actually has a section for cohabiting couples, so the church is aware that while they don’t condone, a large number are.

That’s all I really have to say.  This has kinda rubbed me the wrong way… When the priest say’s mass and performs Sacraments (like Marriage) it’s not a “man” doing so. We as Catholics believe that the Priest is acting “in persona Christi” which means “the person of Christ.  We believe it is the Holy Spirit (part of Christ) who is descending down and acting through the “man” of the priest, but that it’s not the priest, it’s CHRIST performing the sacrament.  Not the best person to lie to… he kinda already knows… 

Post # 16
Member
6010 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would chime in to say that my husband and I also lived together before marriage and never had a problem with our priest.  I’ve also never met a person or heard a story directly from a person who was refused marriage in the Catholic church because they lived together; I feel like that story is a bit of an urban myth.  It sounds like you’re not going to lie, so that’s a good thing.  Just be honest with your priest and I think everything will likely be fine.  🙂

As far as your example about your Episcopalian priest friends standing up on the altar…  I guess I’m not really understanding why the priests would be standing up there in the first place?  If you wanted them to assist the priest during service (like altar boys?) I think it’s pretty reasonable he denied your request.  But you can still have them involved in your service in other ways.  Many churches allow non-Catholic Christians to be readers, or to pariticipate in some other way (leading music, reading prayers, etc…).  Good luck!

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